Do all men want it all the time?

[Justaquestionplease]

DH and I have been together for 15 years...we probably have sex 1-3 times a week. Occasionally less, rarely more. I'd happily have more but I'm absolutely fine with this....he is also happy with this.

However all I seem to read on posts here, in the media and amongst other women is how their husbands want sex all the time and can't leave them alone. My DH doesn't want sex all the time. He is not constantly all over me. All these things I read now just make me insecure. Why doesn't he when all other women's husbands want sex all the time? Am I ugly? Is there something unattractive about me? Now I know objectively I'm not ugly... I'm conventionally attractive and still get chatted up by men if I go out. But I just can't help but wonder what is so wrong with me compared to all these other women who have rampant husbands? It really gnaws away at my self esteem.

So I guess my question is...do all men want sex all the time? If you're in a long term relationship is your DH more like mine? I feel like a freak as a woman.

I don't nag him...like I said I rarely initiate because I believe he doesn't want to and I don't want pity sex. I just want a a normal man who comes onto me regularly. When he does initiate I feel like he doesn't care less either way.

Sending him passive aggressive messages about Instagram posts is nagging.

I also work with a group of women who talk all the time about how their men are always wanting it. I'm not less attractive than them. In fact I make more effort with my appearance than them

Honestly I feel when I see and hear these things like the universe is taunting me

Fine, every single man wants sex all the time, every second of the day, no matter what their health, age, mental state, mood or circumstances - apart from your partner, who (despite shagging you on a regular basis) must think you're completely unattractive and is repulsed by you.

Happy now?

@Justaquestionplease ,

You have got yourself into a really toxic feedback loop here. You feel unwanted, so you hint/pester. That pressurises him, so he isn’t enjoying it as much and wants it less, which in turn upsets you more.

Even if you were Marilyn Monroe jn her prime, constantly pestering a man for sex and being obviously disappointed would be a total turn off.

It is nothing to do with your looks. It is a combination of his libido and your relationship dynamic. Building your self esteem on the amount a man wants sex with you is bound to end in tears.

Counselling would really do you good and I think you know that really.

You sound insane OP.

Get some counselling asap (if this is even real).

What a deeply unpleasant bit of passive aggression. Grow up.

This is absolutely real I'm afraid

As if to torture me even more, under this post, there is a list of 'similar' threads with titles such as

"Hubby wants to make love constantly"

I mean FFS.

Like I said earlier I do think I maybe need counselling...I've been so bloody busy lately I have had no time. However another part of me just thinks I need a normal red blooded man.

One thing I have been thinking about though...in my younger years when I was dating, if a guy ever finished with me or didn't want to see me again...my immediate thought was I just need to be prettier

Are you listening to a word people are saying to you?

You are treating your husband like an object rather than a person with actual feelings, and I'm frankly amazed he has put up with your shit for as long as he has. He must have the patience of a saint.

You need counselling.

God no. We have sex once a week at most and we are both fine with that. Wanting sex all the time is not about desire, it's about addiction or perversion imo. I'd hate a husband who pestered me for more than that.

If you have time to post this nonsense on here, you have time to seek professional help.

When your DH leaves you, it will be because you’re behaving like a lunatic. I suspect you won’t recognise that, though.

My point was that my problem is so unusual that even "similar" threads aren't actually similar...they are the absolute opposite. Because so few women have this problem. Either my DH is very very unusual or I'm incredibly ugly. I ask him this constantly but he won't answer and just says I'm mad. I just want an answer...is this just him or am I repulsive.

Right?! Can you imagine how exhausting it must be to be married to this person? ‘Maybe I just need a normal man’, indeed.

I ask him this constantly

But you claim you don’t nag. Right.

But @Justaquestionplease in your own words it’s not all the time and you yourself are questioning this?

You've just proved my point, you're not listening to a fucking word. Not taking in any of the many helpful responses you've had, just a constant stream of nonsense.

I genuinely hope this is just a bored kid messing around and not a real situation.

No I'm not a bored kid...I post on Mumsnet all the time. I'm a a real forty something ish mum/wife. I wish it wasn't real because I genuinely feel so miserable about this..I lie awake at night juat thinking

You need therapy. Lots of therapy.

I’ve had several long-term relationships and never had an issue with men wanting it all the time - as you say, usually 1-3 times a week.

Do you believe everything you read? Stop being so niave? It’s Instagram, it’s not a factual study, it’s and opinion and no my partner doesn’t want sex every day! 3 times a week like your DH! Why are you objectifying yourself so much?

I just quickly found five threads where the husband is the one uninterested in sex.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5550338-can-this-marriage-be-saved

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex/5467470-havent-had-sex-for-2-months

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex/5511245-in-a-sexless-marriage-and-dont-think-i-can-remain-celibate-for-the-rest-of-my-life-what-are-my-options

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5543762-what-do-i-do-with-this

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5401200-sexless-marro

And your relationship isn't even sexless.

You have sex multiple times a week.

@Justaquestionplease ,

‘However another part of me just thinks I need a normal red blooded man.’

You have one. I am sure you can google how much sex married people with children have in a long term relationship. You are average or even a little above average.

Your post reminds me of an old old joke:

A couple, let’s call them Fred and Mildred are at a farm show, looking at the sheep pen:

Mildred is reading a plaque on the silver medal ‘tup’.

’This ram fertilised 7 sheep in a week’

She looks at Fred and says ‘you could learn from that’. He raises his eyebrows.

They move up one pen to the gold medal winner, a ram with huge horns and an even bigger appendage! The plaque reads ‘This tup fertilized 21 sheep in a week, which makes his the grand champion’

Mildred looks wistfully at Fred and says ‘You could REALLY learn from that!’.

Poor Fred is now quite sad and insulted and feels forced to reply: ‘ Yeah, but I bet it weren’t with the same bloody ewe he’d been penned up for ten years with’z

I hope I haven’t caused offence to anyone, but I do think it quite illustrative of the way you are thinking!