Do all men want it all the time?

[Justaquestionplease]

DH and I have been together for 15 years...we probably have sex 1-3 times a week. Occasionally less, rarely more. I'd happily have more but I'm absolutely fine with this....he is also happy with this.

However all I seem to read on posts here, in the media and amongst other women is how their husbands want sex all the time and can't leave them alone. My DH doesn't want sex all the time. He is not constantly all over me. All these things I read now just make me insecure. Why doesn't he when all other women's husbands want sex all the time? Am I ugly? Is there something unattractive about me? Now I know objectively I'm not ugly... I'm conventionally attractive and still get chatted up by men if I go out. But I just can't help but wonder what is so wrong with me compared to all these other women who have rampant husbands? It really gnaws away at my self esteem.

So I guess my question is...do all men want sex all the time? If you're in a long term relationship is your DH more like mine? I feel like a freak as a woman.

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised"

He’s in his fifties??! Well then your expectations are ridiculous. DH and I are in our fifties and have an active and happy sex life but the days of more than once a day are now in the past. Several times a week is really good - I don’t know what on earth you’re complaining about.

I think your focus is all wrong, it should be about the quality of connection.

i am peri a bit like you and I did think I would like to have sex every day. My partner and I had sex 3 times this morning and I definitely don’t want sex tomorrow! Not because I didn’t enjoy it but because I’m satisfied and want to do other stuff. Your constant need for affirmation is really something you need to explore in therapy.

Absolute nonsense.

There are men absolutely everywhere who can get an erection multiple times a day.

I mean clearly you must be much prettier than me as your partner had sex with you three times yesterday

Your trolling has now jumped the shark.

I'm not trolling. I'm wondering why someone thinks it's helpful to tell me that their husband was happy to do it three times a day on a thread where I'm wondering why all other men want this and my dh doesn't.

@Justaquestionplease ,

You don’t sound stupid, so why don’t you accept what loads of both men and women have told you?!

The frequency of sex between a couple isn’t just a function of attraction or prettiness. There are so many factors at play: individual libidos that vary greatly, attraction between the couple, distractions, stress, physical health etc.

From some of your posts you seem to see this, but then you go back into a destructive mental loop. You said that you would seek counselling. Have you?

Attraction between the couple? So I must be lacking...

All other men? You’re cherry-picking again, and it’s getting harder and harder to believe you’re not just doing it for engagement. Although that would admittedly fit with the vast insecurity you’ve already described.

@Justaquestionplease ,

‘Attraction between the couple? So I must be lacking...
OP’

Seriously?!

This does sound a bit more like trolling, picking up on the one factor that makes you seem rational and ignoring all the others and the general thrust of the post.

If you’re not a troll answer these two simple questions:

Have you read or taken in what everyone has been saying?

Have you sought any counselling?

No I haven't sought counselling as I'm so bloody busy with work...I work six days a week currently until 6/7pm.

I just find it totally bizarre and unhelpful that s poster would come on to tell me that they had sex three times yesterday, but they wouldn't want that all the time. Fwiw, before I met my dh I did have a boyfriend with whom.i would have sex that often and I was fine with it!

@Justaquestionplease ,

‘I just find it totally bizarre and unhelpful that s poster would come on to tell me that they had sex three times yesterday, but they wouldn't want that all the time. Fwiw, before I met my dh I did have a boyfriend with whom.i would have sex that often and I was fine with it!’

I kind of agree with that poster not being helpful, but that’s the internet for you.

i am kind of guessing your then boyfriend was younger than your husband is now, and maybe the relationship was different (less long term etc).

There is an old French joke about a man’s sexual journey centred on the letters MMS. My French isn’t good enough to tell it in full but the basics are that MMS works at all ages but stands for different things:

Youth: Matin, Midi, Soir (morning, noon and evening)
Young middle age: Mardi, mercredi, Samedi (Monday, Wednesday, Saturday)
old middle age: Mars, Mai, Septembre (March, may, September).
very old age: Mes meilleurs souvenirs (my favourite memories!)

Obviously it’s not literal and men vary a lot (plus blue pills!) but there is a truth to it.

Ty! Yes we were younger...we dated from age 19-22...we also were at uni and didn't have to go to work.

I actually say to my dh all the time, do you know how many men would love a wife like me....probably unhelpful but still

That’s a really odd thing to draw from it @Justaquestionplease
what about the times my partner had sex with me once a week? Am I less pretty then? Or is it because he’s stressed about life stuff, tired, unwell or isn’t in the mood?
The point I was trying to make ( though maybe badly) is that I thought I would like sex multiple times a day and the third time it occurred. I was thinking I need to put the washing out! My partner is early 40’s and I would not expect him to want it multiple times now or then. It’s lovely when it happens like that but your husband has told you he finds you beautiful! My partner has never said that to me. You link sex to how pretty you feel but do you enjoy it for connection and love or is it only for validation?

Sorry if my comment about having sex yesterday was unhelpful! I was trying to say to be careful what you wish for! But I think what you want is unrealistic esp if you are working the long hours you say you do. It’s not bizarre I wouldn’t want sex 3 times a day every day as I work, have kids, have aging parents I look after and I have a life! It’s practically not possible!

I had heard this previously but I couldn't quite recall it!

À 20 ans, c’est Matin, Midi et Soir
(At 20 years old, it's Morning, Noon, and Night.)

À 40 ans, c’est Mardi, Mercredi et Samedi.
(At 40 years old, it's Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday.)

À 60 ans, c’est Mars, Mai et Septembre.
(At 60 years old, it's March, May, and September.)

À 80 ans, c’est Mes Meilleurs Souvenirs!
(At 80 years old, it's My Best Memories!)

Let's hope not! 😁

I'm considering setting up an exchange where you can trade in your low sexed partner for a higher sexed version or vice versa.

Who's in? Pardon the pun.

No sexism implied or intended. Though I guess it's a trade in partners of the same sex as the original. Mostly.

I'd have to find a Partner first! 😁

Same! I can but dream.

Come on over to the dating thread 😁

I might just do that! 😁