My ILs live 4-5h away, up north.

Dh usually wfh everyday except Tuesday, and i wfh on Tuesdays only. Yesterday morning he spontaneously announced he was wfh and going into the office on Wednesday instead, so I decamped all my stuff onto the dining table to let him use the home office corner, and did the drop offs as I usually do on Tuesday. But we got to have lunch together in the local caff which was nice, a rare child free moment together.

This morning I phoned my MIL because I wanted to tell her about something to do with DS, and also check that DH had told her about our Christmas plans. She says "oh he mentioned briefly, but I'll be seeing him later anyway". "What, seeing Ben? Today?" Yes, she says she's just getting on the tube on her way to lunch with him, didn't he mention it? Er, no he didn't... She says she's only in London for lunch. Because she barely gets any time alone with him.

What has thrown me is a) why wouldn't he mention that is mum is doing a lovely but eccentric 9h round trip just to have lunch with him, why keep that a secret and b) we are visiting the ILs for half term soon, so surely lots of opportunities for chats?

I texted dh "why didn't you tell me you were seeing your mum for lunch today" and he replied he didn't want to mention it in front of the kids because they'd be sad not to see Granny themselves. But we had loads of child free time yesterday, and he didn't think to mention it, he just made small talk about diesel and the weather and the Holborn by election. No "oh by the way im seeing my mum tomorrow". If he had, id have replied "ah that's so nice of her, don't forget to mention Christmas".

I feel like they both think that I keep him a prisoner or something? He goes out to see his mates of an evening sometimes, and he has lunch with various people, I never stop him from any of that or even ask questions about who he sees, there was no need to keep it a secret.

I now don't want to go up north for half term, I wish he'd just go alone with the kids if I'm so in the way. But the kids would miss me, DS is only 2.

I'm a bit upset, please talk me out of this, mumsnet

I'm a single mum to a young boy who is autistic and non-verbal. My sister is my closest and only family member, and she has a daughter herself.
I've asked whether my son and I could spend some time with them on Christmas Day, but she's refused and said she'll see us on Boxing Day instead.

For context, my sister's partner absolutely hates me. Last year, I contacted social services after he was physically violent towards her, including strangling her. Ever since, he's held this against me and doesn't want me in their home.

My sister is still with him. She says she's spoken to him extensively about us spending Christmas together, but he refuses. Her response is that he lives there too, so it's his decision as well.
I appreciate that it's his home too and that my sister has offered Boxing Day. I also understand that she may be in a difficult position.

However, I'm incredibly hurt. My son and I don't have a large family network, and the thought of spending Christmas Day just the two of us while my sister, niece and her partner celebrate together makes me feel incredibly unwanted and excluded.

I'm not asking to spend the entire day there. Even a couple of hours together would mean a lot to me.

What hurts particularly is that I feel I'm being punished for raising concerns about my sister's safety. I would never dream of leaving her and my niece without family on Christmas Day if the situation were reversed. I've told her how hurt I am, but nothing has changed.

I genuinely want some objective opinions because I know emotions are involved.

AIBU to expect my sister to make more of an effort to include us, or am I being unfair given that it's also her partner's home and she's offered Boxing Day?

Me and my partner have been together 2 years and living together since January. I have a DD12 and he has a DD14 and DS9 who come every other weekend. We don’t have any children together.

The problem is food basically. His two are quite fussy which I do understand, his DD won’t eat gravy or most veg and his DS will only eat chicken if its plain, pasta with nothing on it etc. At first I just used to make them something else as I didn’t want them sitting there with nothing they liked. It wasnt a big deal when it was occasional but now its every time they come.

So yesterday I did a roast, nothing fancy just chicken, potatoes, carrots and broccoli. I’d been at work in the morning and honestly couldn’t be bothered with anything complicated. They both said they didn’t want it and asked what else there was. I said well this is dinner, you can have the bits you like and leave what you dont, or your dad can make you something else if you really don’t want it.

My partner was really annoyed with me afterwards. Said I was making them feel unwelcome and that I always make things my DD likes so why should his children be any different. I said my DD eats what we have most of the time, she might not like everything but she doesn’t expect me to cook her a completely different dinner. He said she’s older than his DS and knows what she likes so its not the same thing.

Anyway he ended up making them beans on toast which they were perfectly happy with. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want another argument in front of them but apparently that was even worse because it made him look like he had to sort his own children out while I sat there eating my dinner.

I do feel a bit bad because I have always made them alternatives before and now suddenly I’m not. I dont dislike them, we get on alright and I don’t expect them to eat stuff they hate. But I work too and I do most of the cooking anyway, and I don’t think its unreasonable for their dad to make them something if they don’t want what everyone else is having.

He says they are only here 4 nights a month and I could make the effort. I said if its that important then he can make the effort as well.

AIBU to stop making separate meals or am I being unfair to them? I genuinely can’t tell now.

I'm looking for a corduroy dress, probably button through, preferably elbow length sleeves, just above knee length. It needs to be a petite fit ideally- I'm 5ft 1 and size 16. I've tried a couple from Next - a green one from m&co- sleeves too tight and restrictive and a beautiful dark red one from love and roses - too a line for me. Any ideas anyone please? Any suggestions of an alternative would be welcome. Just needs to be warmish and suitable for a nice pub lunch. Can anyone help please?

Hi all, I’ll try to lay the facts out here as clearly as possible so hopefully it will enable some objective views:

-DH and I live in our first home purchased in 2019. It is a detached 3 bed but on the small side. Living room/ kitchen downstairs, not a lot of space but liveable. Upstairs is our main room, a smaller room which would barely fit a double so we use as a dressing room/office and also a box room. Has a garden, in a great location etc.

-DH has been pushing to move since our DS was born two years ago. I know we need more space eventually but in the midst of newborn life I said it wasn’t the time.

-I’m now pregnant again. DH declared we must move as we don’t have the space as it is let alone with another DC on the way.

-I am already struggling with pregnancy symptoms and the thought of the stress of moving on top is unthinkable to me. DH says it will be worse having to move when we’ve got a newborn.

-I think we should wait until DC is a year or so old and then move. We will make do until then as they will be in with us in our room for much of that. It isn’t as if the house market is great either.

Would you agree to move now, or wait it out as I’ve suggested?

Am I behind the times? Where has this come from? I was out with friends today and one kept describing her upcoming, admittedly amazing sounding, holiday as bougie. She was telling us about the upgrades she had added and kept saying ‘I know, I know, I’m so bougie’.

What is this fresh Hell?!

IToday i’ve realised how much my ds actually posts on social media. I knew he had TikTok and Instagram but not to this extent. I thought he mostly watched videos and followed bands etc but he’s got about 1.5k followers on TikTok and 53k likes altogether. He’s mostly showing his outfits, lip syncing to music and talking about bands he likes. Some of them are quite niche and he gets really into them. There’s pictures of himself too and the odd video talking about how he’s feeling. I just didn’t realise how much he was putting out there.

He’s 14, autistic and has quite significant mental health issues. He’s had a difficult couple of years and barely goes to school now. Last year they were fairly lax about his dyed hair and piercings because he was in the hub for most of the day anyway, it’s a room for the autistic children away from the other pupils. He’s got quite a few piercings already and is constantly begging me for more. The school have now changed their stance and said if they allow it for him they’d have to allow it for everyone, so he’s stopped attending altogether. It’s all got very difficult tbh.

He dresses emo/scene and it’s very much his thing. I’m not against how he looks and he’s openly bisexual on TikTok which isn’t an issue in our house. He doesn’t really have any friends in real life which I do worry about, although he’d probably tell you he doesn’t need any. Social media seems to be where he gets most of his interaction with people.

Some of the comments are a bit concerning. Some people take the piss out of him or call him weird and he’ll argue back for ages instead of just ignoring them. Then there are accounts that look like teenage girls flirting with him, calling him cute and tagging their friends under his pictures. One seems to comment on quite a lot of his stuff. I don’t know these girls or whether they’re actually who they say they are.

He does have an online friend who’s a girl and she’s 16. I’ve actually met her as they went to a small gig together and she seemed perfectly nice, also very scene and they have similar music tastes. So I know not every online friendship is dodgy and I’m not against him having friends online. They get on well and she seems to understand him. It’s the other accounts I don’t know what to make of.

I don’t want to ban everything just because I’m worried, as social media is one of the few places he seems confident and he does get a lot out of the music side of it. With him not really going to school or having friends outside the internet I worry taking it away would leave him even more isolated. But equally he’s not great at judging people’s intentions sometimes and can be very trusting if someone seems to like him. He gets defensive if I question anything and says I’m treating him like a little kid.

I just don’t know if I’m being too relaxed about the attention he’s getting, especially with his mental health being how it is. I knew he had social media, I just didn’t realise how public it all was or how many people were interacting with him.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations 😊 .

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

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If there’s anything you think would be useful or good to include in this post then please do tag or DM @reastie (the traditional thread starter!) and let them know.

Does anyone have any recommendations? Tried the brushed jersey barrel trousers from Uniqlo but they were a bit “worky”.. I want something with a flattering waist band not really bulky around the waist like jogging bottoms tend to be. Ideally in black or charcoal. Size 14.

DD dad just announced he wants to take her on a cruise 10 days before end of summer term ( year 10 ). Surprised me as he is always on about how important next 2 years are for DD . I said her missing 3 days of last week not be a massive issue but 10 days I dont agree with. He says they probably wont be doing much last 2 weeks year 10 ... He hasnt taken her abroad for 8 years on holiday & she really excited . There is an option for a week cruise he can take her on so she only misses 3 days I said that be much better but he just pushing now for me tp agree to her missing 10 days school. He lives 3 hour drive from us so only sees her at half terms & half holidays so not involved with her school. AIBU to say no to taking her out of school for 10 days last term of year 10?

I'd like to get rid of our bath and install a shower cubicle which would free up some much needed storage space in our small family bathroom.

No one in our household has had a bath in years and I feel a shower cubicle would work better for us (me and two adult DC).

The master bedroom already has a small en-suite shower room which DH uses.

But I'm concerned no bath could put people off buying when we sell up in a few years time (5+ years).

Would you be happy buying a house with no bath?

What next? …upcoming “engagements” ….humanitarian projects….will they ? Won’t they? 🤷‍♀️
welcome everyone 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋

I am 10 years into teaching and have been at current school for 3 years. It's become apparent overtime that there are an elite group of teachers in our department who the HOD only trusts with top set classes and A-level. I have taught triple science in previous schools but don't get a look in at this school and all but the bottom set year 11 groups are divided between these 3 elite teachers so they get all the gain time at the end of the year. I've spoken to my HOD informally about being deskilled if I'm not teaching my specialism but this has fallen on deaf ears. The HOD and SID happen to be besties and so have it all wrapped up between them. I'm at a loss at what strategy to take here. Finding another job is an option but having to say I've not been teaching triple, top sets at GCSE or a level would put me at a real disadvantage anyway. Any advise as to what my next move should be to put my case forward?

As of last year, I started working almost entirely from home, so I no longer need to dress smartly for the office. My casual trousers currently consist of jeans and… more jeans (both slim and baggy!). My old work trousers feel far too smart for the school run, a coffee or a day working from home.

I’m a pear shape, size 8–10 on top and 10–12 on the bottom, with chunkier thighs. I tend to wear slouchy, wide-knit jumpers (think Joseph/Jigsaw/COS/Émile Sézane style) in cream, oatmeal, pink, grey and green.
I’d love some suggestions for casual, comfy trousers that still look and feel lovely with this sort of knitwear. I worked in an office until last year and I think I’m struggling a bit to find my feet style-wise now I’m not dressing for work every day. Jeans have always been my default, but they used to be easier to rotate with office clothes!

I caught myself enviously eyeing up two mums at school pickup recently who’d clearly been in work and both looked lovely and perfectly autumnal. Nothing particularly dressy, just really nice outfits that looked effortless. It made me realise I’ve lost my way a little bit and would love to feel a bit more me again.

My actual life is very much school runs, dog walks, the odd coffee, working in my home office and occasional trips to the gym. I live rurally, so a swishy city look wouldn’t really work, and I don’t want to feel overdressed for my day-to-day life.

What trousers are you wearing that strike that happy medium between comfy and casual but still feeling a bit pulled together? Particularly interested in styles that work with chunky knitwear and a pear-shaped figure. Would love any brand or outfit suggestions! 😊 budget flexible (I rarely buy anything unless a moth eats it so happy to invest a bit)

I honestly dont even know why I’m posting. I just feel like I cant do this anymore.

He’s 13, turned 13 three weeks ago. I know he’s a child and I know how bad this sounds but I hate him. I hate saying that about my own child but I am at the end of my tether and nobody seems to listen when I say how bad things have got.

His dad died when he was 7 and I’ve brought him up on my own since then. I know he’s had a lot to deal with but I cant keep excusing everything because of that. I dont know what else I’m supposed to do.

This morning school sent him home because he was sick. He’s been sick again since he’s been home but he went to sleep for a bit and seems fine now. He asked if he could go out tonight and I said no because he’s been ill and I dont want him going out and then being sick again somewhere. That was it. Apparently I’m picking on him because he’s been ill, I’m always ruining everything and I never let him do anything. He started shouting at me and calling me names. I said I wasnt arguing about it and he got even worse.

He’s shoved past me to get out of the room and shouted that he hopes I die. Just screamed it at me. I honestly dont even know what to say to that anymore. I told him to get away from me and he carried on shouting. Now he’s in his room and I’m downstairs trying to calm down and he’s probably forgotten all about it already.

This is what its like here all the time. I can ask him to do something completely normal and it turns into a massive argument. He calls me a stupid bitch, pathetic, thick, says nobody respects me and that I’m a shit mum. If I get upset he says I’m being dramatic. If I shout back then apparently I’m the one with the problem. He knows exactly what to say to hurt me and sometimes I honestly think he does it on purpose.

I know I let him get away with things. I tell him the xbox is going off and he argues for ages, swearing and following me around the house, and sometimes I just give up and let him carry on because I havent got the energy for another row. Same with his phone. I’ve taken it off him because of things I’ve found on there and then ended up giving it back because I just cant cope with hours of shouting. I know people will say I’m making a rod for my own back and maybe I am but I’m so tired. I cant spend every evening fighting with a 13 year old.

The stuff he says online worries me as well. I’ve seen messages where he’s making really nasty comments about girls at school, mocking their looks and saying things about women being good for one thing. He’s watching these men online who talk about women like they’re worthless and repeating what they say. When I challenge him he tells me I know nothing and girls are just as bad. He doesnt seem to see anything wrong with it. I’ve tried putting restrictions on his phone but he gets round them and then I’m back to another argument.

I have tried asking for help and I honestly feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. He seems to have no limit to how nasty he can be when he’s angry. He’ll say the most horrible thing imaginable and then carry on as if nothing happened. I dont know how I’m supposed to keep dealing with this on my own.

I’ve even thought about ringing social services and saying I dont want him anymore. I havent done it but the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Just saying I cant have him here, I cant do this anymore, someone else needs to take over because I’m done. Then I feel disgusting for even thinking it because he’s my child and he’s only 13. But I genuinely dont know how much longer I can keep living like this. I dont want to abandon him but I also dont know how to help him when nobody seems willing to help us.

I hate what our relationship has become. I dread him coming home sometimes. When he’s out I feel relieved and then feel guilty for feeling relieved. I dont even want to speak to him after what he’s just said to me. I know people will say I’m the adult and I shouldnt feel like this but I’m a person as well and I can only take so much.

I know I’m not perfect and I shout and lose my temper. Sometimes I give in because I just want peace. I’m not proud of it. I just feel like I’ve reached the point where I dont know what to do next.

Has anyone else noticed this? I normally have major resting bitch face and have been told by various people I have a very serious and dont talk to me look.
Despite my attempts to ease my face and give off im friendly vibes most people dont come near me. ( I have honestly thought about a she's friendly badge to put on lol)

Over the past week things have changed. People now ask me questions and even try and have small talk ( today at bus stop) Just a general friendly vibe I get from people all over.

I have made one change
Can anyone guess what?

I'm writing this in a bit of a confused state, so bear with me haha. This post is for Some advice and vent

I'm 35F and my husband is also 35. I know this is a mostly UK-based forum, although we're actually living in Paris. We have two kids, a 5-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl, and we both work. My husband works for a big US-based multinational company (can't really name it), and I own my own business. We're doing well financially, so that's not really an issue.

He's a good husband and father, and we're very much in love. We also have a good sex life, and I genuinely find him attractive. He's never really given me a reason to doubt him, which is probably why I'm struggling to understand why I feel this way.

I'm slim and in good shape, even after two pregnancies, although obviously that hasn't been easy. I run my own business, which takes up a lot of my time, and then there's the kids and everything that comes with being a mum. I manage it all pretty well, or at least I think I do. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here haha, but I think part of me sometimes wonders whether I'm enough for him.

Anyway, there's a woman at his workplace who's 29, single, works in management and also models. She comes from a wealthy family as well. My husband is senior to her in the company hierarchy, but they've been working together for around two years now.

I've met her three or four times, and she's always been perfectly nice to me, so I can't exactly say she's done anything openly inappropriate. My issue is that they're quite close. They work together every day, so obviously they need to communicate, and I understand that. But sometimes they go to dinner after work, travel together for work events, and she invites us to her brother's wedding or events at her home.

Another thing I've noticed is that whenever she's around me and the kids, she seems to take on this almost maternal role with my children. I don't know if that's just her being friendly, but it sometimes feels a little strange to me.

I've also seen photos of them standing quite close together, with his hands around her waist or them looking particularly comfortable with each other. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it does make me wonder.

The thing that really got me thinking was when I looked at their chats. There were some random deleted messages, with normal, non cheating conversations before and after them. I didn't see anything that directly suggested cheating, but the deleted messages have been playing on my mind.

I honestly don't know what to make of their relationship. Maybe they're just close colleagues and friends, and I'm making something out of nothing. But even if nothing physical or romantic has happened, sometimes their closeness makes me feel like I'm competing with her.

And I hate that feeling.

She's younger, unmarried, has a successful career and models on the side. Meanwhile, I'm a mother of two, running a business and trying to balance everything. I know I'm doing well for myself, and I actually earn more than my husband, so this isn't about needing him financially or feeling dependent on him. I also have male and female clients through my work, and I get attention from men sometimes. But I know where my boundaries are, and I never turn that attention into something more.

That's partly why this bothers me. I don't think having friends of the opposite sex is wrong, and I'm not asking my husband to stop working with women. But sometimes I feel like whatever he has with this woman goes beyond an ordinary professional relationship, even though I can't point to anything concrete and say, 'This is definitely wrong.'

The frustrating part is that my husband gives me attention, makes me feel loved, and has never really made me feel neglected. I'm not someone who constantly needs reassurance, and I'm not a people pleaser in our relationship either.

Yet somehow, I still find myself comparing myself to her.

I love my husband, I'm attracted to him, and I don't want anybody else. I could easily entertain attention from other men if I wanted to, but I don't. I want my husband, and I want to feel secure in my marriage.

I don't want to start unnecessary arguments or become the stereotypical insecure wife who sees every woman as a threat. At the same time, I don't want to ignore something that's genuinely inappropriate just because I'm afraid of looking insecure.

I suppose I'm trying to figure out whether this is my own insecurity getting the better of me, or whether their level of closeness would make other people uncomfortable too.

Apparently you lot like gunk. The "juicier" the better. I am not a fan, but I've been told that you will bite my hand off for images of my husband's back cyst, with the pus in all its glory. He's now on his second week of strong antibiotics to help remove it and he sees the nurse practitioner twice a week to have more pus removed and his dressing changed. But I have to change his dressing in between times. This is real love.

So I'm doing this for your sake, and for @AMansAManForAllThat.

And you also get a picture or two of his neck cyst that has been drained once, but has refilled and the GP says they don't drain them a second time.

You have been warned.

There are a lot of images over the last month from a red bump that wasn't sore to, well you'll see...

I'm posting this now, then I'll switch to my phone so I can load the images for you.

You’re not going to want to listen to me, but you must.

Please take your bag of salt and vinegar crisps and put them in the freezer for a few hours.

Enjoy a bowl of them straight from the freezer.

Please report back with your findings.

We've been together 15+ years, married with kids last 5, I thought we covered all the topics when it comes to values and principles - especially related to the way we raise our children but turns out he was full of it - to put it bluntly.
Essentially, with meeting new kids/parents through nursery/school - I now realise he is very much leaning toward being,well, racist 😔
You would think - how did I not notice this before....well the thing is he was always respectful to friends or colleagues regardless the ethnicity - but now when we discuss behaviour that our child picks up from the nursery from another child - he attributes/explains behaviours with 'well ofcourse this happened considering he is x'.
Then slowly such vocabulary moved into every day conversations about e.g. neighbours - he'd say derogatory things about particular nation based on behaviour of a single person that affects us.
I am just so blindsided and can't stop thinking about how this will shape our children.
How could I have been so blind...or could he had just pretended all this time, and why??
Or can people change their views about something so basic so dramatically?
Recently he started making mean comments about LGBTQ community too - I mean we have friends that he loves or I thought so...
I am also thinking his mum's recent visit may have encouraged him to speak up - clearly these are the values he was brought up with.
I am also ashamed... I am looking at my DS atm sleeping - he is such a warm friendly loving and a smart boy and he is being exposed to comments like this. He loves all his little friends. He was talking proudly about friends he'd like to invite to his bday and his grandma actually asked him what colour is a certain child...she also described a 4 yo girl in the playground as fat.
I am sorry if this is a jumble of topics here - a husband showing true colours years later, a toxic mil, a clash in values, challenge with co-parenting, protecting a child from instilling wrong values...
So is it that I was blind all this time (YANBU) and I just never got to know him - or people actually can just change their core values so drastically (YABU).

Exactly that. Married 25 years. Had a huge arguement tonight as he moaned about lights being left on and it escalated. I said in anger that he can not expect a birthday celebration tomorrow. He said fine.
I’m now not sure what to do?

I've loved charity shopping for over 30 years, but like many I've long mixed it with online second hand shopping.
The stories in this Guardian article are not new to those of us who've read threads on here, work in the shops or know people who do.
I never sell online myself and am a very mindful donatter, but my own eBay addiction and Vinted dabbling is contributing to this in a way.
Shops won't want to discourage donations, but it seems more push back on the mountains of crap is needed.

www.theguardian.com/fashion/2026/oct/13/people-sell-their-best-stuff-on-vinted-how-charity-shops-became-a-dumping-ground-for-unsellable-clothes

New thread as Thread 56 was filling up.

Updated list:
ComefromAway Leeds Conservatoire. Completed Year 2 - DS working as self employed musician/MD & electronic instrument programming.
Blinkbonny Nottingham, Sociology- DS now working full time in conference sales in London.
Photodad DD Art, ARU (Cambridge Campus). Has moved to Germany to Au Pair on a working farm. DS had a Gap year in NZ (teaching windsurfing) Started Cambridge Nat Sci in Oct 2026
cariadmbyth Royal Holloway history, Marketing master's at Cardiff- DD now job hunting
Aslockton DD LSE Geography with German- Military Officer
DS Reading Meteorology and Climate Science - has a grad role as a meteorologist and has bought a house.
ewwsprouts - Durham, biology - grad role in food science
handmademitlove- York, maths
alwaysplayspiccolopiccolo- Birmingham , English and film
piggywaspushed - DS1 Lincoln - Job hunting
DS2 Birmingham , history - Sheffield for a journalism master's. Journalism job for a local paper in Worchestershire area
justherewithmybabypopcorn - Nottingham, law - now has grad position with funded SQE
Coffeeandbiscuitime - DC Y4 Medicine
oublietteletbravo - Exeter, business with law, now a sales and marketing coordinator (at a specialist software company).
DS - Newcastle, medicinal chemistry - Y3.
extensivelydecorating - Cirencester , countryside management (2025), at home, portfolio career in the outdoor environment. DC2 RHUL History in y2.
Sansou- DS Software engineering in the Defence sector
Orangecinnamon- DD has graduated and starts as an unqualified teacher (apprenticeship/post grad route)
AnotherNewName - working in engineering
Still studying! DS is still working in engineering but in a better job and is now studying with OU to get his degree and buying a house.
delphigirl - DS1 job in political journalism/campaigning for a political publisher. DS2 Plymouth - ocean exploration and surveying- DS has now started an offshore survey job.
DD Demi chef de cuisine
mummyinbeds - DS Nottingham , law and French law- Working in pub, hoping to do ski season. DD graduated from Aberystwyth Uni with a degree in International Relations and Global Development and will be starting a Masters in Global Development at SOAS in September.
oblomov26 - Nottingham , finance degree apprenticeship. DS now working in London for PwC
ealingwestmum - Trinity College Dublin - Middle Eastern and European languages. DD has Graduated and started work in Belfast: Associate Consulting, Big 4.
zebracat - off for a year in Denmark
crazycrofter - Nottingham, Psychology- DD working for Mind on a new mental health outreach project.
DS year 2 of Politics & Int Relations at Nottingham.
seeline - UEA , archaeology, anthropology and art history. DD has now graduated, and is job hunting primarily for museum/gallery/heritage/culture type jobs, nationwide.
shimy - DS1 (Cardiff Uni) 'Software Engineer - Tech Consultancy (Aviation & Defence).
DS2 Warwick, management- DS job hunting
Anneofcleavage - primary education , Chichester- DD Started first teaching post in Sept 2026
NCTDN - Liberal Arts, Bristol. DD has just graduated with a masters from Bristol. Secured a first job in the south west.
Icanbewhatiwants- history, Sussex
decorhate - Economics and Politics, Sheffield. DS is a Data Analyst in London
Bluemarigold- Birmingham Biological Sciences- DD now working as an assistant ecologist
Heifer- Nottingham Biology- DD now doing a Masters in Public Health (International) at Liverpool School of Tropical Medicine.
Cantonet DD1: Working as a vet
DS1 Retaking a uni year / job hunting (in limbo)
DD2 UCL Year 3 Architecture
DS2 Bristol changed from Psychology, Yr1 Engineering
Lentilcakes: DS graduated in neuroscience at Bristol uni. Currently looking for work, has a voluntary role coming up (Mind charity shop - at least he’s in the right ‘sector’).
Kingscotestaff: DD 5th year Medicine at Newcastle

A few weeks ago a woman knocked on my door, handed me an envelope and said I need to read what was inside. She was his affair partner. She had written me a letter explaining everything. That she didn't know he was married at first, later down the line when feelings had already developed he told her that our marriage was dead and I think she truly believed this was an overlap situation. He told her he loved her. I don't hate her as I have friends who have met in situations like that, I'm aware life isn't black and white. She left her phone number and we had a brief phone call where I wanted to clear up some questions. She was very polite. In the envelope was also letters he'd written to her while we had been on holiday together. She also included screenshots where he says he loves her, she's different to everyone else and he feels like he bores me. There was also a message where she asked if he needed/wanted her to step back and he said "no not at all". If all this wasn't bad enough I also found out through her letter that a couple of years ago he took 12-18 months off work sick due to some disciplinary action. I did question her about this and what she says adds up. He told her I left for work before him, which I do, and he got home before me, which he did, so he just put his uniform in the wash bin. When she questioned him about the school holidays (as I work in a school) he told her he told me that he had banked up his annual leave, which is what he told me. She confirmed that they spent his birthday together and that was when they had their first kiss and she knew the name of the friend he had told me he'd gone with.

We've been together 37 years. He told her I got pregnant early and entrapped him but he was the one who persuaded me to come off the pill.

When I asked her why she told me now she said she had asked him if their relationship was building towards anything and his reply was something like "I've thought about leaving but all my stuffs tied up there and I'm happy to plod along". She said at that point she thought 'fuck him'. She didn't want to keep his secrets anymore. She didn't like feeling misled. She didn't like that his answer was selfish.

I don't know how to feel. I'm angry at them all and I can't stop crying. I don't want to hate anyone but I hate them both. I'm 63 and I feel it's too late to start again but how can I look at him now knowing what he did and what he's lied about. I just don't know where to begin or what the road ahead looks like. My worlds be turned upside now. I wish I never knew but also glad I know. I don't have anyone to speak to about this

Hey,
Where are you buying your safe toys for babies/toddlers in the UK?
With all of the recalls of toys this year's, I'm struggling to know where to buy things that are safe for children. I don't like Amazon as they seem to be a lot of Chinese knock offs under multiple different names and although they are they are non-toxic I worry that this might not be true. I won't but from places like temu or shein etc.
I regularly buy bits from charity shops etc.
Thanks in advance