Mother in law.

[Duiwjankdjen16382]

Cut a long story short i have never got on with my mother in law. She made it very clear from the offset threatening me that we shouldn't be together because im 11 years older. Anyway over the years a lot has happened. My husbands brother is 20 lives at home with his mum is in all kinds of mess, takes drugs, has people turning up at mother in laws house to find ect ect. A few months ago after his brother lashed out and smashed up his mums house, tvs and car. Me and my husband made the decision that we dont want our 3 year old son around his uncle and told my mother in law and rest of the family. Me and mh husband only ever argue over his family because I feel he tries to keep the peace and dosent always stand up for me when shes in the wrong. Fast forward to today... she asked in the week to have him which i agreed. I asked what the plans where as we like to know who our sons with and what hes doing, as you would as a parent. She ignored us. Asked her again today she said dont know yet amd shes capable of looking after him. My husband called her after 3 hours and no answer. Finally got hold of her and turns out she had arranged for her whole family to go for a meal for his brother (the one who we dont want our son around) birthday!! She deliberately went behind our back and did it anyway. I demanded my husband go and get hom which he did. I am fuming. What do I do now to address this? Maybe contact only with me or my husband there? Shes lost all our trust.

She has deliberately challenged you and your husband. Best to withdraw, don't give her the attention she craves by calling her out. Just make a decision to not allow her access to your son again and don't engage.
She's a liar, a manipulator and is dishonest and disrespectful. Horrible person.

Yes it seems sensible to only allow contact if you or your husband are present. Can she see them at your house from now on? I wouldn't be allowing my children to go to her home if BIL is living there and his behaviour is unstable. A decent grandparent would understand this.

I’m surprised if there is that much conflict you agreed to let her have your DS but it’s done now.

Moving forward is only let her see him in your home with both of you present.

The boundary you’ve set around BIL sounds reasonable given the violence. However, if MIL has your child at hers, and the violent brother also lives there, isn’t it obvious that it won’t be possible to upheld that boundary? Going to a restaurant seems neither here nor there because if she’s minding him then he will obviously be around. But it’s done now, thankfully your son is fine, and from now on I’d say MIL only sees DS with you guys present and doesn’t babysit again.

‘Whole family’ yet didn’t include your DH? But I’m not sure what you expected if your BIL lives in the same house as her? I’d say no to anymore visits/babysitting at hers while he’s still there.

So you knew all this when you had a child with him, and no you cannot control how he handles this, the way he deals with his family is none of your business, you dont own that

You have every right not to see them but you can't order him around either, he is not a puppy

So don't use her for baby sitting