AIBU to expect my husband to pay me back for deposit money?

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If you’re married with young kids, how do you share finances?
Do you have a joint account?
I’m 30 and married and we have 2 toddlers.
I prefer to keep my money separate to my husband. For a long time I was the breadwinner as he was in training for his role and so I built up savings and investments. We both contribute to household bills and things for the kids, and have roughly an equal amount of “fun money”.
Recently he’s brought a well run franchise and needed money for the deposit (around £30k) so of course I gave it. When I told my friends I expect it back later they were surprised and said it’s his too.

My sister went through a messy divorce and ended up with nothing and me and husband are happily married I just feel more comfortable having my own foundation, is that unreasonable?

You lent him 30k ? Honey you need a signed solicitors letter saying he owes you that, if you didn't get one, wave goodbye to that money.
My exh took1000s off me, I learnt the hard way..

We actually did get a letter done for this and that’s another reason why my friends were baffled that I expect to have it given back to me when the business is stable

Not unreasonable to expect it back if it came out of your personal money and not the joint pot. Not everyone has to have the same opinions and system. The question is did you make it clear it was a loan?

‘Honey’, some people are ethical and able to sort their own affairs without having to involve solicitors.

It’s hard for me to understand as we’ve always just pooled money and made decisions together. I earn more but he got a lump of money from early inheritance but it all goes in the same pot so I can’t imagine drafting up legal agreements with my husband. Each to their own though and as long as you’re both happy it shouldn’t matter what your friends think.

Jesus what a sad world that we all expect our marriages to end and need to scrimp and squabble over every penny.

You want paying back when, if you divorced, you'd get half of the business he's built up.

It's just sad. Really it is

I just feel more comfortable having my own foundation, is that unreasonable?

Not unreasonable at all, but would it be your own foundation? Or, if you have thousands stashed away, would it need to be declared in the event of a divorce so it could be divided between you? The same as his business would? Unless you’ve stashed it in cash somewhere a forensic accountant with a bloodhound couldn’t find it.

Not unreasonable at all.

A signed ‘declaration of trust’ or a postnuptial agreement isn’t water tight by a long shot. Once you’re married assets are collective between you both. In the event of a divorce the collective marital assets won’t be seen as your pot and his pot. It’s all joint and would be split according to the judges decision, if either party puts a case forward.
So he shouldn’t ‘pay’ you should have access to your joint finances and vice versa. It is marriage not dating.

We don’t have “my money”
and “his money”. Any money either of us earns is for the family and all goes into and comes out of the joint account.
I can’t imagine a world where I’d have my own investments, for my own use only.

As to giving your DH £30k, but wanting it back - isn’t this franchise for thr common good! Ie a joint investment that will benefit the whole family? You’re set up is weird.

What does marriage even mean to you.?

Everything is shared with my DH. I couldn't imagine living another way. Isn't the sharing of finances one of the main components of marriage? It's not much more than a nice day out with a certificate otherwise.

People can have their own money and assets in a marriage. There is a requirement to provide but not share everything. If you have agreed he will repay the money whilst married that is matter between you.

A divorce is when everything assets get shared to make both parties equal. A post nuptial agreement would in the first instance need to be agreed following impartial and independent legal advice. If that hasn’t been taken it is worthless. It can also be irrelevant if it conflicts with statutory entitlement.

I can understand them seeing it as strange as if you were to divorce, surely assets would be split 50/50

We are married, two woman if its any relevance, we absolutely have our own bank accounts and separate savings,we do spilt the bills and don't have joint children if that makes a difference?
I would lend my wife anything she needed but would expect it back, l havecl to think about my adult children's future. My ex kids dad ,completely ripped me of and left me in so much debt and homeless im not ever going to be in that position again.
Things have changed over the years im now main breadwinner so l pay for more fun stuff, when she was she did.
So l think separate finances absolutely fine.

If for some reason things change and he becomes the main breadwinner will presumably you will be happy for him to squirrel away lots of savings and treat them as his.

I don't think you are necessarily being reasonable or unreasonable, as long as you would think it fair if the situation reversed. DH and I have switched who is main breadwinner a couple of times so I am glad we have behaved consistently