Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

[Nmiddleofnowhere]

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

What was it he bought?

Come on op - what was it??

£40? Not sure i could get worked up over that unless you're on the bones of your arse? What was it?

We need to know when he bought first

Depends on what it is, how much space it took up and if £40 would make a dent in my finances or not.

Nope every adult should be able to make a 40 quid purchase from the shared budget for something they want for the house without permission/consultation, unless you have absolutely zero spare cash whatsoever.

What was it?
I buy stuff ‘for the house’ from our joint account if I fancy it - if I felt I had to run every little purchase through dh first I’d feel supremely pissed off tbh.

It was £40. Why on earth would I be annoyed at my husband for spending £40? £400 without discussing sure I'd be quite rightly pissed off but £40, no I could even begin to be annoyed.

If my DH had a go at me for spending £40 of my own money I would tell him to bugger right off.

Oh god... I buy stuff for the house all the time. My OH never says a thing apart from that's nice or something. He is not a housey person. I wouldn't buy a sofa without him but small things 100%

It depends. For some that’s loads of money and would need agreement, especially if from joint money. For some £40 is not a lot and wouldn’t matter as such. The other side of it is if it’s for the house, ideally you’d want to agree as it’s a shared item you both may see/use?

hard to say until we know what it is!!

This kind of situation is exactly the reason that I keep my own bank account!

YABU.
I hope you're not the kind of person who complains about carrying the mental load and then complains whenever their spouse takes the initiative to do something themselves.

is it an Alexa?

£40 is a lot to some people, lots of people can’t afford to drop that much for one item if it’s not essential.

i’d be annoyed to OP, especially if there’s other things you needed more!

Is £40 a lot to you?

Unless you both agreed to keep to tight budget for reasons if poverty and it’s something ridiculous

you are ott

YABU. £40 is nothing.

What would your cut off point be? £20? £10? 50p?

I feel like there should be rules about posts. Don’t ask for opinions unless you give all the relevant information. Christ these drip feeds and ‘can’t give details or it’s outing ‘ ( when it clearly wouldn’t be) are so damn tedious

Sorry OP. You’re being a pain in the ar*e over this. It is a bit controlling. I wouldn’t be running it by my DH anything minor I wanted to buy and nor would I want him to. It’s ridiculous you couldn’t just turn a blind eye and let him, if it makes him be happy. Your reaction has probably sucked any joy out of it for him though and who wants their partner to have veto and final say over something so small?

👀👀 ?

💯

Well actually I would expect purchases for the house to be at least mentioned and possibly discussed prior to buying. It's a joint living space so the other house owner should get a say in the decision if they want to. If it's something that directly affects any DC and they are of an age to have a proper opinion I would expect a family discussion..

So yes I would be a bit annoyed he didn't mention it before buying it.

It was one of those big heated clothes airers 😅

We already have a normal airer and a tumble dryer so I just don't see why we needed another one tbh. He said it'll save on drying costs and that we'll use it loads over winter but I think he just saw it online and fancied it.

Its not even the thing itself really, its more that he just ordered it without mentioning it.