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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude wedding invite

212 replies

BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 17:33

AIBU to think this wedding invite comes across as intentionally luke warm? From my cousin whom I always thought I had a good relationship with, if not a close one. We live in the same city, I received the following via text:

“Hey BatFink,

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.

Obviously you’re invited but I do understand with baby you may not want to come

The wedding will be at such and such church at such and such time, followed by dinner at 6pm”

That was all. As I say we’re not close but grew up together and see each other a few times a year. It doesn’t seem like a genuine invitation to me at all. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Momicrone · 28/04/2022 17:35

It's fine

pilates · 28/04/2022 17:36

It seems a bit of an after thought. Who invites someone by text to their wedding two weeks before the event. Bizarre.

SalsaLove · 28/04/2022 17:36

She was probably forced to invite you but it doesn’t sound like she wants you there, or doesn’t care if you’re there. Sorry!

WeCouldBeSpearows · 28/04/2022 17:37

I dunno. I think maybe s/he just didn't want you to feel pressured to attend. They wouldn't have invited you if they didn't want you there, and the fact that they say 'obviously you are invited' sounds positive - like 'of course we want you there, but we do understand that circumstances mean you might not be able to be'

catandcoffee · 28/04/2022 17:37

wow... meaning leave your child at home. Not really bothered if you come or not.

Original poster
BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 17:37

Well exactly!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 28/04/2022 17:38

Sounds like someone’s dropped out.

Did you know they were getting married?

Are other relatives going?

Think I’d be washing my hair that day.

Viviennemary · 28/04/2022 17:38

Its odd. Are you paying for your own meal. Sounds like you could be

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 28/04/2022 17:39

Two weeks?

Someone’s dropped out.

drpet49 · 28/04/2022 17:39

She was probably forced to invite you but it doesn’t sound like she wants you there, or doesn’t care if you’re there. Sorry!

^This. Asking you 2 weeks before is a big
giveaway.

Indicatrice · 28/04/2022 17:39

Is it a low key event? It’s fine if yes.

I like the simplicity. Too many women and girls feel obliged to pepper their texts with emojis and hearts and xxx.

SiobhanSharpe · 28/04/2022 17:40

It comes across as if she doesn't give a flying fart whether you come or not, TBH.
Did the invitation include the baby?
if it didn't she definitely doesn't want you to come. Could she have been pushed into inviting you by family?

Indicatrice · 28/04/2022 17:40

drpet49 · 28/04/2022 17:39

She was probably forced to invite you but it doesn’t sound like she wants you there, or doesn’t care if you’re there. Sorry!

^This. Asking you 2 weeks before is a big
giveaway.

You reslly don’t know that, it could be a low key event that she’s just planned now.

Harridan1981 · 28/04/2022 17:42

Her parents have indicated it is rude not to invite her cousins.

ImTheFuckOffCar · 28/04/2022 17:43

Maybe she’s worried on the day people will ask where you are, so she’s sent you that text so she can reply hand on heart that she invited you.

almondbran · 28/04/2022 17:51

Doesn’t seem rude to me

pigsDOfly · 28/04/2022 17:52

it could be a low key event that she's just planned now.

I know nothing about church weddings but surely a church wedding would take longer to organise that a couple of weeks.

And don't the banns have to be read before the wedding - on three Sundays I think.

That's no something that can be organised at the last minute.

Very luke warm and sounds like an afterthought. I wouldn't bother in your shoes OP.

Sally872 · 28/04/2022 17:54

I would assume she is trying to make sure you don't feel pressured/obliged to come but worded it clumsily.

Unless you have other reason to expect she wouldn't want to include you but may be forced to by her parents.

WindyKnickers · 28/04/2022 17:55

Perfectly acceptable. For some people getting married is just that, it doesn't require a flipping fanfare.

Alliswells · 28/04/2022 17:55

What age is baby?

Doona · 28/04/2022 17:56

I used to invite people like this. I did want them to come! But I wanted to give them an exit in case they didn't want to. It was bad and way too complicated, I realize that now. However, people don't send invitations unless they want you there. Or, if they do, it's really their own fault if you turn up.

Drybird2020 · 28/04/2022 17:56

I think it's fine for an informal, low key wedding. If it's a full-on church/fancy venue/huge guest list affair, It means you're C or D list and someone has dropped out.

BlueOverYellow · 28/04/2022 17:57

It sounds like you weren't invited originally, so someone has either said something (parents perhaps?) or dropped out.

Just decide if you would like to go and celebrate with her or not. It really doesn't have to be any deeper than that. Who cares if you weren't 'first' on the invites... we all make tough decisions when numbers have to be limited.

Gizacluethen · 28/04/2022 17:57

How old is baby?
When was everyone else invited?

Except for the fact I'd have expected invites to go out months ago. Although the fact she can even add people now suggests it's pretty low key as our numbers and table plan had been done by now. I think it sounds fine. More like a birthday meal invite but if it's a low-key affair then it's fine.

Idontevenknow · 28/04/2022 17:57

Circumstances change everything.

Last minute low key casual wedding- invite fine.

Large, planned in advance with save the dates sent out last year- invite not fine

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