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Rude wedding invite
212

BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 17:33

AIBU to think this wedding invite comes across as intentionally luke warm? From my cousin whom I always thought I had a good relationship with, if not a close one. We live in the same city, I received the following via text:

“Hey BatFink,

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.

Obviously you’re invited but I do understand with baby you may not want to come

The wedding will be at such and such church at such and such time, followed by dinner at 6pm”

That was all. As I say we’re not close but grew up together and see each other a few times a year. It doesn’t seem like a genuine invitation to me at all. Thoughts?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

grapewines · 30/04/2022 09:44

prettyteapotsplease · 30/04/2022 09:36

An equally off-hand reply may be in order. "Hey bride, obviously I won't be attending."

Ha!

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LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 30/04/2022 09:53

What's your cousin like? If I wrote an invite that way it would be because I didn't want the person I was inviting to feel any pressure to come if they'd rather not.

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Beautiful3 · 30/04/2022 11:17

Asking you 2 weeks before is strange, perhaps a guest dropped out and she wanted you to fill their space, because she's paid for the food already. If you fancy going, then go.

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Runnerduck34 · 30/04/2022 16:12

Asking 2 weeks before is very short notice unless it is really low key affair recently organised ( or someones dropped out)
But I dont think it's rude, maybe they are worried you don't want to come and are insecure so are saying they understand if you can't come. Sometimes I say similar to when inviting someone but I always want them to come it's just that I think they may not want to/ be busy/ be difficult to get babysitter etc so give an exit clause so they can say no without anyone feeling awkward, I'm going to stop doing this now, I realise it's down to my insecurity and i would be horrified if people thought it was rude or that I didn't really want to invite them.

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Kite22 · 30/04/2022 20:19

I very much agree with both of @WombatChocolate 's posts on P7.

I went to a wedding once after a phone call the day before, asking if I would like to. Obviously someone had dropped out / was ill, and obviously I hadn't been invited in the first instance but I wouldn't have expected to have been invited in the first place, so my thinking was: I had a choice on being invited.
Either:
I could be like many on this thread and take offence. The result being I am sitting at home for the day, being bitter, and two meals / drinks etc are wasted.
or
I could think, 'How nice of them to consider me/us, in the circumstances'. So I said 'Oh, how lovely', and dh and I went along and enjoyed a lovely day.

So, if I were you OP, I would reply based on whether you fancy a nice day out with family and friends celebrating your cousin's wedding, or not.

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WillWjo · 01/05/2022 18:01

It sounds as if the bride wanted a children-free wedding. That is not an unreasonable request. A bride expends effort, tears, and money on her wedding day. If she prefers not to hear crying, that is her choice. I might not like it, but I will respect it

As everyone else speculates, perhaps a parent or trusted adult mentioned that they did not see your name on the invitation list. It happens.

Getting spun up and emotionally reacting to what you perceive as rude was not likely the intent. I suspect a quick call would clear up the why. Maybe you were a fill-in. Most venues restrict capacity to comply with COVID guidelines. Suppose the bride knows a few immunocompromised guests plan to attend. Perhaps excluding children was to allow those people to attend. If the venue reduced the capacity by half, would you waste a spot on a baby who has no idea of what is going on or invite someone that can consciously be there to celebrate on your big day?

If you do not want to find a sitter and be at the wedding, text your cousin saying that "since no children can attend, you must decline. Enjoy your big day. I am happy for you. Thank you for putting me on your invitation list."

After sending the text, let go of the hurt and move forward. Remember, your kid is watching you. They will model your behavior when they do not get invited to a classmate's birthday sometime in the future. I would likely thank my cousin for not inviting me. That is two to three hours that I get to keep.

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mudbone · 02/05/2022 01:07

if the invite is the one posted in the one i saw when i opened this post it says June 12 2024 two years away smh😵

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Indicatrice · 02/05/2022 07:06

mudbone · 02/05/2022 01:07

if the invite is the one posted in the one i saw when i opened this post it says June 12 2024 two years away smh😵

I don’t get it?

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MRex · 02/05/2022 07:58

I would take it that she wants you there, it's just clumsy wording and a bit late. Could have been
"Mum, you invited the Finks, are they coming?",
"Oh yes, add both of them",
"and what about Bat Fink?"
"I thought you were inviting her?"
"No mum, you were calling family. Shit. I'll text her."

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Kite22 · 02/05/2022 17:20

Exactly, MRex.

Can you explain what you mean @mudbone ?

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blissinblue · 03/05/2022 21:28

Weddings are one of the most stressful life events - right after the death of a loved one, and a divorce. She invited you. Be happy. There's no need to make big deals out of the small things in life.

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blissinblue · 03/05/2022 21:33

@Mrex - I agree :)

Or maybe they didn't even think to invite, assuming the OP would be too busy with the baby.

@Kite22 - I think @mudbone means the photo that's posted at the top.

@mudbone - it says it was a text invitation, so I don't think the photo is for this instance.

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