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Rude wedding invite
212

BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 17:33

AIBU to think this wedding invite comes across as intentionally luke warm? From my cousin whom I always thought I had a good relationship with, if not a close one. We live in the same city, I received the following via text:

“Hey BatFink,

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.

Obviously you’re invited but I do understand with baby you may not want to come

The wedding will be at such and such church at such and such time, followed by dinner at 6pm”

That was all. As I say we’re not close but grew up together and see each other a few times a year. It doesn’t seem like a genuine invitation to me at all. Thoughts?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

DefiniteTortoise · 28/04/2022 20:37

I think 'Thank you but no - I'm afraid we already have plans for a fortnights' time' would do.

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Bizawit · 28/04/2022 20:38

BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 19:32

Yes, this is how I’ve read it too.

But why?? Why not read it as “obviously you are invited” which is what she wrote!!

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SleepingStandingUp · 28/04/2022 20:39

Bizawit · 28/04/2022 20:38

But why?? Why not read it as “obviously you are invited” which is what she wrote!!

Because its MN and people love to be offended about weddings.

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TokyoTen · 28/04/2022 20:41

Maybe it's quite informal and she's just getting her invites out and maybe she kept it breezy due to your baby. Many women don't want to go out with their babies depending on how young they are of course. I wouldn't judge unless there is a backstory.

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StoneMap · 28/04/2022 20:45

You already know the answer, as per the title. Rude in every way.

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grapewines · 28/04/2022 20:46

DefiniteTortoise · 28/04/2022 20:37

I think 'Thank you but no - I'm afraid we already have plans for a fortnights' time' would do.

This is what I would do because I'd read it as someone has dropped out. No one invites people to a wedding with two weeks to go unless it's an afterthought.

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PortalooSunset · 28/04/2022 20:49

I'd either read it as "oh shit! I just realised I totally wanted to invite Batfink and I can't believe I forgot!" or that someone else has dropped out and there's now a space for you. I'm feeling charitable today so leaning towards the former.
If you want to go, do so, but don't dwell on how you received the invitation or its wording.

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CathyorClaire · 28/04/2022 20:55

You're an afterthought/fallback OP.

I wouldn't decline it purely on those grounds though. If I was free on the day and could get a babysitter I'd be sorely tempted to revenge eat and drink my own bodyweight at the bride and groom's expense.

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StupidUsernameUnavailable · 28/04/2022 20:58

The fact that your Mum was invited via a phone call (and a call not even from your cousin) suggests that perhaps she's just being very casual about the whole thing.

Just because it's a church wedding doesn't imply its a huge affair with 500 guests. Wedding and off out for a dinner is what she's said. Done.

I would take it on face value. Either politely accept or politely decline.

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whynotwhatknot · 28/04/2022 21:12

sounds like she was told to do it sorry

seeing as your mum was invited straight away it would have been all of you if she really wanted you there in the first place

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ScrollingLeaves · 28/04/2022 21:31

She was just getting to the point in a simple way because you are a relative and she doesn’t feel she needs to stand on ceremony with you.

She has also possibly had a chaotic haphazard approach as to how many and whom she could invite within confined numbers.

She wouldn’t have risked inviting you if she didn’t want you.

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RedMake88 · 28/04/2022 21:32

I’d go! But I love a wedding and a party!!

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ScribblingPixie · 28/04/2022 21:36

Could this be as a result of a conversation between your parents and your aunt? It sounds like she's been given a nudge.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 28/04/2022 22:13

If a good close relationship did you not think it was weird that you didn’t get invited when your mum did months ago

maybe get your mum to ask your aunt

May be a numbers thing. I didn’t invite cousins I hadn’t seen for years but did the ones close to me

in the end 2w isn’t a long time and maybe You were on b list but does it matter if you are free . Can get a baby sitter and want to go


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CapMarvel · 28/04/2022 22:14

Seems fine to me, just an informal invitation. If you don't want to go, just don't go.

If you aren't close to her what more do you think you deserve?

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AzazaelsFury · 28/04/2022 22:24

If you want to go, go if not don't. The baby is a great excuse at such a young age. I have only ever seen newborn babies who only breastfeed at weddings I've been to unless they're the bride/grooms or in the wedding party so I wouldn't expect them to invite an 18 month old.

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chaosmaker · 28/04/2022 22:29

BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 17:33

AIBU to think this wedding invite comes across as intentionally luke warm? From my cousin whom I always thought I had a good relationship with, if not a close one. We live in the same city, I received the following via text:

“Hey BatFink,

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.

Obviously you’re invited but I do understand with baby you may not want to come

The wedding will be at such and such church at such and such time, followed by dinner at 6pm”

That was all. As I say we’re not close but grew up together and see each other a few times a year. It doesn’t seem like a genuine invitation to me at all. Thoughts?

I think she's giving you a get out clause so you don't feel terrible if you don't go.

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Cappuccino17 · 28/04/2022 22:50

It's fine. She's just being considerate that you might not come because if the baby.

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Sprite0 · 28/04/2022 22:50

I was so laidback about my wedding. I would have sent similar

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Branleuse · 28/04/2022 22:57

Dont overthink it. Most peoples weddings are bound by numbers so its completely normal to have people drop out and then have others invited. Doesnt mean you werent wanted.

If you want to go then respond happily. " id love to come. Is it childfree, do i need a babysitter or are we all invited"
Or if you dont, just say its too short notice and you hope she has a fantastic day

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lightisnotwhite · 28/04/2022 22:57

BlueOverYellow · 28/04/2022 17:57

It sounds like you weren't invited originally, so someone has either said something (parents perhaps?) or dropped out.

Just decide if you would like to go and celebrate with her or not. It really doesn't have to be any deeper than that. Who cares if you weren't 'first' on the invites... we all make tough decisions when numbers have to be limited.

This is not how wedding planning works.

You get engaged, you find somewhere you like with a budget because places you can have a wedding book years in advance . They tell you how many guests you can afford on that budget.
You send out invites with RSVP’s. Some respond, some hedge their bets. You have no idea who is coming or how much it will cost.

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LittleBearPad · 28/04/2022 23:23

lightisnotwhite · 28/04/2022 22:57

This is not how wedding planning works.

You get engaged, you find somewhere you like with a budget because places you can have a wedding book years in advance . They tell you how many guests you can afford on that budget.
You send out invites with RSVP’s. Some respond, some hedge their bets. You have no idea who is coming or how much it will cost.

Yes you do know who’s coming unless you’re friends with massively rude people.

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Marvellousmadness · 28/04/2022 23:27

Maybe you were close as kids. But you aren't as adults
Which is fine
She probably just invited you as someone else has pulled out.
And she refers to your child as a baby because she dont want you to bring the child....

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Tangled123 · 28/04/2022 23:56

I don’t think the invite is rude, just a bit blunt.
I think there are two options here,

  1. you’re filling a space for someone who dropped out
  2. she genuinely thought you wouldn’t go because of the baby. Someone told her she was wrong (your mum possibly), so then invited you because she wants you there.
  3. she doesn’t like fuss and doesn’t want to burden people with feeling like they have to come to the wedding, especially if she doesn’t talk to them frequently. That’s why she implied you don’t have to go.
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Pickabearanybear · 29/04/2022 00:11

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

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