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Rude wedding invite
212

BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 17:33

AIBU to think this wedding invite comes across as intentionally luke warm? From my cousin whom I always thought I had a good relationship with, if not a close one. We live in the same city, I received the following via text:

“Hey BatFink,

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.

Obviously you’re invited but I do understand with baby you may not want to come

The wedding will be at such and such church at such and such time, followed by dinner at 6pm”

That was all. As I say we’re not close but grew up together and see each other a few times a year. It doesn’t seem like a genuine invitation to me at all. Thoughts?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Floraanddougal · 28/04/2022 17:58

She doesn’t want you there and someone has made her invite you. I’m sorry. Just give it a miss. I would add though you are not close nor do you have any form of real relationship if you didn’t even know when she was getting married, where and when, and the text makes it clear you didn’t know.

as such it’s a small wedding just church and dinner, it’s not personal. You just don’t really have any form of relationship.

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PurpleDinosaurpark · 28/04/2022 17:59

I like it. I don't think it's rude. To me it comes across as we know each other well enough to cut-out the formal crap. It's a given you are invited but I realize you have other priorities & the world doesn't revolve around my wedding so no pressure.

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SleepingStandingUp · 28/04/2022 18:00

Well either it's a last minute arrangement and super casual or you're a "how do we hit 50 people now people we like have said no?"

Did your parents get a more formal invite moths ago? Any siblings invited etc?

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Doona · 28/04/2022 18:02

I sent all my own wedding invitations in a this casual way, by email. Deliberately, so there was no pressure. And, come to think of it, one of my friends declined and has never spoken to me since! It never occurred to me that the invitation offended her! I suppose it's to late to fix it now.

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CorneliusVetch · 28/04/2022 18:02

Are children generally invited? I think she doesn’t want your baby there and doesn’t know how to say it, so is making clear she knows you might not be able to come rather than she’s expecting you to leave baby behind

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WindyKnickers · 28/04/2022 18:03

Just decide if you would like to go and celebrate with her or not. It really doesn't have to be any deeper than that. Who cares if you weren't 'first' on the invites... we all make tough decisions when numbers have to be limited

Definitely agree with this bit- why over think it?

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Doona · 28/04/2022 18:04

Oh how ridiculous to be offended by the style of a wedding invitation! Sorry, OP, but if you have a good relationship with cousin, you need to just get over it. Some people are more casual than others.

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HMG107 · 28/04/2022 18:04

I like it. I don't think it's rude. To me it comes across as we know each other well enough to cut-out the formal crap. It's a given you are invited but I realize you have other priorities & the world doesn't revolve around my wedding so no pressure.

This ⬆️

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Wouldyabeguilty · 28/04/2022 18:05

Absolutely nothing wrong with the message. She is asking you to go but giving you the option not to as you have a baby.

The timing is wrong. 2 weeks notice? Screams afterthought.

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Floraanddougal · 28/04/2022 18:06

HMG107 · 28/04/2022 18:04

I like it. I don't think it's rude. To me it comes across as we know each other well enough to cut-out the formal crap. It's a given you are invited but I realize you have other priorities & the world doesn't revolve around my wedding so no pressure.

This ⬆️

That would work if it wasn’t a church wedding in two weeks, which is likely been organised for a long time

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DogInATent · 28/04/2022 18:06

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.
Shotgun wedding?

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Floraanddougal · 28/04/2022 18:06

DogInATent · 28/04/2022 18:06

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.
Shotgun wedding?

Is it the 1950s?

<looks around>

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doggiescats · 28/04/2022 18:08

Depends very much on her personality…is this her usual way of communicating/ organising?

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Doona · 28/04/2022 18:09

It's family so it's easy enough to find out when other people got their invitations. So what though? The OP already explained they're not close.

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Popopopo · 28/04/2022 18:09

We had the exact same thing from a close-ish friend a few years back. It very much felt like they were short on numbers and trying to fill space. It meant traveling for several hours and booking a hotel. We didn't go, used said baby as an excuse.

It would have made sense if it was a small, informal/relaxed wedding, but it wasn't. It was very much the organised in advanced with "save the date" cards followed by proper invites type wedding.

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RandomQuest · 28/04/2022 18:09

Is it a low key event with a small guest list that’s just been planned? If so then it’s absolutely fine. In fact it sounds nice, informal and like she doesn’t want to pressure you with a young baby. If it’s a massive formal do that’s been planned for over a year where everyone else’s proper printed invites went out 3 months ago, then yeah I see your point. But mostly it comes down to whether you want to go and celebrate with her or not!

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BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 18:14

Sorry, to give more context; wedding has been planned at least a few months in advance, church was booked back in Jan, I know this as it was announced on social media. I’m not sure how many guests there will be. My siblings haven’t been invited, they live hundreds of miles away, not sure if that was a factor. My parents live locally and we’re invited before me, via telephone, by my aunt, as in my cousin’s mum.

Baby wasn’t directly invited and is 18 months.

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MissMarplesGoddaughter · 28/04/2022 18:14

Sorry, but it sounds to me as if you are on the 'B' invite list. Obviously she's not had enough replies from her 'A' list, so now she's trawling the 'B' list.......

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CapMarvel · 28/04/2022 18:15

So you aren't close but you think you should be treated as such?

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girlmom21 · 28/04/2022 18:17

I don't think it's rude. You're invited. You were probably on the back up list. She's saying there's no pressure because she knows it can be hard with a baby. If you want to go just clarify whether baby's invited?

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PurpleDinosaurpark · 28/04/2022 18:19

Meh! Why over think it. Do you wanna go?. If you do then accept ,go along and enjoy. If you don't then decline & wish them well.

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WombatChocolate · 28/04/2022 18:19

I wouldn’t get offended.

if you’d like to go, then do. Go and enjoy it.
if you dint want to go, then graciously turn the invitation down and nearer the time send them a card and possibly a gift, depending in the nature of your relationship.

I wouldn’t overthink it. It could be that you’re on a reserve list….there’s nothing wrong with that. People often can’t invite all their cousins or distant relatives. When people drop out, it’s possible to invite more people. It’s nice to be asked, but up to you if you go.

people are quick to take offence. Honestly, what’s the point. Life’s too short to be hunting for sleights in everything g people say or write.

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AlbusSeverusHagrid · 28/04/2022 18:20

You obviously don't want to go so don't..

She's having a child free wedding and you probably haven't left your baby yet so she's saying he's not invited.
You are but don't come if you can't leave hIm at home

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Echobelly · 28/04/2022 18:21

I think she just didn't want you to feel you had to incovenience yourself if things were going to be tricky with the baby. Maybe she had a small guest list and you're on the B list of necessity, and she's glad to invite you but she wants to know ASAP because everything's paid for and she doesn't want to waste any places.

It may not have been the best phrasing but IMO, it never hurts to assume the best reading of things in this sort of scenario - but it can hurt to assume the worst!

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ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 18:22

Seems absolutely fine to me. They are giving you a get out if you don't want to come becuase they are probably assuming you don't want to come.

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