Rude wedding invite

[BatFink260]

AIBU to think this wedding invite comes across as intentionally luke warm? From my cousin whom I always thought I had a good relationship with, if not a close one. We live in the same city, I received the following via text:

“Hey BatFink,

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.

Obviously you’re invited but I do understand with baby you may not want to come

The wedding will be at such and such church at such and such time, followed by dinner at 6pm”

That was all. As I say we’re not close but grew up together and see each other a few times a year. It doesn’t seem like a genuine invitation to me at all. Thoughts?

[Thesefeetaremadeforwalking]

I agree that it looks like someone has dropped out.

So you are an afterthought.

I'd give it a swerve and save yourself the cost of a pressy.

[AlbusSeverusHagrid]

I mean you read on here women refuse to leave their kid until they're like 18 and won't have their husbands family baby sit them because they only trust mum to look after their child. As it's your cousin she probably thought you feel the same way and everyone will be there From
Your side so no one to baby sit

[BungleandGeorge]

I think it’s fine. And no big deal if you are a back up, you see each other a few times a year so presumably you wouldn’t expect to be first priority

[WeCouldBeSpearows]

I'm sure I remember reading on here once that a couple forgot to invite a really close friend to their wedding - completely unintentionally. Maybe the bride thought her aunt invited you too, and has only just discovered that she didn't?

It doesn't sound like invitations were formal, if your parents were invited by phone, so I think the nature of the invitation is fine.

[inappropriateraspberry]

Very odd. Why are you invited by text message?
You're choice whether to go or not, but the invitation, or lack of, is very rude! Do you know if others have had formal invites by post?

[Swayingpalmtrees]

You are on the D list, and she doesn't care if you go either way.

I think the message is too abrupt and very lacking in basic manners or warmth. There is simplicity and then there is that invite....

It would be a firm no from me, I am no one's second best, but if you think you will enjoy it then go along. Don't buy anything new, limit the outlay and buy a cheap present, because if the invite is anything to go by I can't imagine it is going to be wedding of the year. If it was booked in January - nearly four months ago - I imagine she would have invited you long before now! Definitely Z list.

[ilovebrie8]

Hmm sounds like you are a bit of an after thought. I’d decline ...say you are busy clipping your nails that day ...🙄

[Sally872]

I would say definitely not a B list invite as she wouldn't want to give you the out as looking for numbers.

[Geranium1984]

Sounds like someone dropped out. Surely the guests were invited well over 2 weeks before the wedding!

Understand if not all the cousins were invited though. my husband has an infinite number of cousins so we just invited the few that he grew up with and still see on a regular basis.

[AmyDudley]

All sounds quite informal. It may be that someone has dropped out, and you are 'second choice' so to speak. But so what ? - it's an invitation - if you fancy going to a wedding and a meal, then go, have a good time. Not everyone is going to be Most Important Guest of Honour, doesn't mean you aren't welcome or that you can't enjoy yourself.

[theshavenraven]

Two weeks notice is odd

Sounds a bit like they've invited you as they feel they should but they aren't too bothered if you go or not

[WeCouldBeSpearows]

I am no one's second best

So you wouldn't be friends with someone that has one friend that they have been really close to for years, then? Or take a job if the first person that was offered it, decided not to take it?

[ShandaLear]

Some people dropped out and you’re handy so you’ve been offered a spot. None of your siblings were invited so you probably weren’t expecting an invitation anyway. I think this is quite nice given you don’t know each other that well. Take it in the spirit in which it’s intended - no pressure because of the short notice, but if you want to go along and catch up with relatives and have a few drinks then go and enjoy yourself. Yes, you’re a back up but she didn’t have to invite you at all.

[WeAllHaveWings]

the "Obviously you're invited" makes me think there has been a problem somewhere with invites rather than B list - maybe your aunt forgot, or she was meant to tell your mum, or your mum was told and forgot/misheard and there has been a bit of discussion about it in the background.

If you are close to her just pick up the phone and ask. Nothing wrong with saying - just got your text, honestly wasn't expecting to be invited as I know you are tight with numbers, what's happening your text makes you sound stressed out, is everything ok?

Decide if you want to go or not, the baby and short notice gives you a get out if needed.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@BatFink260

Sorry, to give more context; wedding has been planned at least a few months in advance, church was booked back in Jan, I know this as it was announced on social media. I’m not sure how many guests there will be. My siblings haven’t been invited, they live hundreds of miles away, not sure if that was a factor. My parents live locally and we’re invited before me, via telephone, by my aunt, as in my cousin’s mum.

Baby wasn’t directly invited and is 18 months.

So your aunt had the job of inviting you guys, she invited you parents. Cousins just realised aunt hadn't Inc you. Cousins saying of course you're invited but it's short notice and you have a little kid (who isn't) so I get it if it's a no. She prob should have said "my mom was meant to make it clear yo u were invited, I thought she had, we've just talked about people accepting and realised no one had actually told you, so sorry" but it sounds like a mistake not her making up the numbers.

[NoSquirrels]

“Obviously you’re invited” - with 2 week’s notice by text and a distinct lack of persuasive words

I’d politely decline, I suppose. Sad if you’ve always been friendly though.

[thing47]

I have a slightly different take on this, I think she's saying 'I didn't invite you because I don't want your baby to come but I didn't know quite how to tell you that without offending you'.

Maybe someone has pointed out that she could invite you and let you decide whether you want to attend without your baby – some people are happy to do that and others wouldn't dream of it, we see that difference of opinion all the time on MN.

Anyway, I agree with those saying if you fancy it, go. If you don't then just politely decline. I don't think there's any reason to overthink it.

[BatFink260]

Thanks everyone, a range of perspectives to consider. I don’t think I’ll be going though.

[BatFink260]

@NoSquirrels

“Obviously you’re invited” - with 2 week’s notice by text and a distinct lack of persuasive words

I’d politely decline, I suppose. Sad if you’ve always been friendly though.

Yes this is what I thought. Distinctly lacking any warmth. Yes it is sad. We have always been friendly and she actually lived with us until she was 2 due to her mum being very ill for a long time at the time.

[DancingUnderTheLights]

I think the wording is fine but sending it by text 2 weeks before definitely gives it a context where I would be doubting if they wanted me there.

[viques]

I would text back and ask what the menu is for the dinner.


then text back and say sorry, you don’t fancy it………

[IncessantNameChanger]

My sister invited me to her birthday with wording not dissimilar. It was clear my kids weren't welcome. At the end of the day it only comes down to if you want to go or not. If childcare and distance is a balance to arrange then its perfectly valid to decline.

It sucks to know your an afterthought.

[girlmom21]

We have always been friendly and she actually lived with us until she was 2

That's irrelevant. She'll have no recollection of that at all, and you're not close as adults.

[girlmom21]

@viques

I would text back and ask what the menu is for the dinner.


then text back and say sorry, you don’t fancy it………

That's really funny 😂

[NoSquirrels]

Maybe kill her with kindness as others have suggested?

“Oh, that’s lovely cousin, I wasn’t expecting an invite because I assumed you were tight on numbers and brother/sister not invited so it’s really nice to get this. We’d love to come if we can sort a babysitter, even if it’s just to see the ceremony. Hope you are not too stressed by wedding prep” etc etc