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Rude wedding invite
212

BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 17:33

AIBU to think this wedding invite comes across as intentionally luke warm? From my cousin whom I always thought I had a good relationship with, if not a close one. We live in the same city, I received the following via text:

“Hey BatFink,

I’m getting married in two weeks’ time.

Obviously you’re invited but I do understand with baby you may not want to come

The wedding will be at such and such church at such and such time, followed by dinner at 6pm”

That was all. As I say we’re not close but grew up together and see each other a few times a year. It doesn’t seem like a genuine invitation to me at all. Thoughts?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

yousexybugger · 28/04/2022 19:09

I wouldn't overthink it if you have a good relationship. Yes, 2 weeks is a bit short notice for a church wedding but it sounds like all the invitations are quite informal if your parents were invited by phone so it's not as though you weren't sent a gold plated card. It's a bit no frills in the wording, yes, but maybe she wanted to keep it breezy as you have the baby and not make it a big obligation?

Other maybes are that she thought your parents had been asked to pass the message on or yes, a close friend has dropped out and she now has space to ask you. I wouldn't take this amiss. Just decide whether you want to go and take it from there.

Could you call her and ask if it includes the baby, then gauge from her replies if you want to go?

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Bizawit · 28/04/2022 19:09

You are completely over thinking it. If your parents were invited by aunt via phone, then it’s obviously not the type of wedding with formal invitations a year in advance etc. sounds like she is being relaxed and polite- letting you know that of course you are invited but you shouldn’t feel obliged to attend if it’s difficult with the baby. Which is exactly what she says. Why wouldn’t you just take it at face value?

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TalkingCat · 28/04/2022 19:11

I think she wants a childfree wedding but didn't know how to tell you/thought you would kick off so that's probably why she didn't invite you at first.

It's sad you were an afterthought and she couldn't have been honest with you at the start about the childfree wedding.

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chesirecat99 · 28/04/2022 19:13

My parents live locally and we’re invited before me, via telephone, by my aunt, as in my cousin’s mum.

TBF, that is pretty unusual way of inviting someone to a wedding too.

I would give her the benefit of doubt as it seems there are no formal invitations. It could be lack of planning. It all seems a bit disorganised and random, her mum calling your parents, a last minute text to you... It could be that they thought of the social media announcement as a "save the date" notice and they've assumed everyone who is invited would "know" they are invited, and they are only just getting round to confirming details.

But then, my ex forgot to post our wedding invitations until less than 2 weeks before the wedding so maybe I am projecting...

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Lunificent · 28/04/2022 19:14

You know her and you know how close you both are so make a decision based on that.
Go if you want to, and you’re fond of this person.
Don't go if you could take it or leave it and you’re not that close.

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Rococococo · 28/04/2022 19:18

I read “obviously you’re invited” as “obviously I’m obliged to invite you”. It sounds like she’s hoping you take the hint and say no.

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CheesyWeez · 28/04/2022 19:20

Your cousin thought you were already invited by your aunt and so is asking you now at short notice, and doesn't want to pressure you. That's my take. Get a babysitter, go, and enjoy yourself.

I'd send NoSquirrels' message "Oh, that’s lovely cousin, I wasn’t expecting..."

Enjoy.

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Flittingaboutagain · 28/04/2022 19:24

I think this is fine. Most invites even to closer family have been on the phone so a text seems fine to me. I just sent a what's app to family when we had a low key wedding. Why the need for persuasive writing? Surely you just get invited, no need to coax someone into coming.

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WTF475878237NC · 28/04/2022 19:26

I read it as "realised your mum hasn't actually invited you as I wanted" that's why it's short notice.

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BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 19:29

girlmom21 · 28/04/2022 19:08

We have always been friendly and she actually lived with us until she was 2

That's irrelevant. She'll have no recollection of that at all, and you're not close as adults.

It’s not irrelevant for me.

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BatFink260 · 28/04/2022 19:32

Rococococo · 28/04/2022 19:18

I read “obviously you’re invited” as “obviously I’m obliged to invite you”. It sounds like she’s hoping you take the hint and say no.

Yes, this is how I’ve read it too.

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pinkyredrose · 28/04/2022 19:32

Just call her and clarify. If you're close you should be able to talk about it

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NoSquirrels · 28/04/2022 19:33

The reason I suggest the kill with kindness reply is because it doesn’t burn any bridges, you can still decline citing babysitting if you need to, and maybe she is super wedding stressed or in a bad place with planning or whatever. Keeping a door ajar sounds helpful.

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ButtockUp · 28/04/2022 19:36

It's assuming over familiarity or it's a shit invite.

I suppose you have to choose which one you're happy with.

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BowiesJumper · 28/04/2022 19:40

I’d ask your mum’s opinion so she can test the waters with her sister?

Someone has blatantly dropped out though. Is it a big wedding?

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heidipi · 28/04/2022 20:00

I think I’d just go to the church for the actual wedding and decline the reception due to the baby. This would be my ideal for all weddings actually! 😆

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WombatChocolate · 28/04/2022 20:16

How about ‘bear with’.

iIt might be a bit clumsilynworded. IT COUKD WELL BE YOURE INVITED FROM A RESERVE LIST. DOES ANY OF THAT REALLY MATTER. ITS HER BIG DAY AND YOU EITHER WANT TO GO OR NOT. FOCUS ON THAT AND REPLY GRACIOUSLY EITHER WAY AND THEN FORGET ABOUT THE WORDING AND I
TIMING OF INVITATION.

Some people are just keen to take offence and then hold onto it. They see it everywhere in looks, words and actions. Usually these Sleights don’t exist or are just poorly worded rather than malicious. But some people seek out sleights and bear grudges. How exhausting and miserable a life to need to be like that…often cutting nose off to spite face. And then there’s all the replying with a pointed tone or snarky words, or dreaming up little revenges. Honestly, who gains?

If you’re able to go, I’d go. Times for families to celebrate together have been limited these last years and it’s good to see people. Yes, check whether babies are invited. If not, don’t take offence. Simply decide if you can sort childcare and go or politely decline.

Dont burn bridges or be snarky. Cousins and other family members might have been important to you in the past or they might be needed by you or other family members in future. Most people only get married once and it could be you don’t see her again for absolutely ages. Thing like weddings build shared memories, so if you can and it’s practical, I’d go.

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LittleBearPad · 28/04/2022 20:21

You’re on the reserve list.

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SleepingStandingUp · 28/04/2022 20:26

Have you asked your Mom about it?

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MrsLargeEmbodied · 28/04/2022 20:31

come if you are desperate, it sounds like

or she knows that you might take offence at such late notice and doesnt want to pressure you

do you want to go?

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Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 28/04/2022 20:32

I wonder did she assume her aunt included you in the invite to your parents - I'm guilty of this. I've regularly forgotten to officially invite my brother to things because I assumed my parents did.

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Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 28/04/2022 20:34

I think it may have been a wait and see how many say yes originally and work our way down list. It doesn't seem very formal as your mam got a call from your aunt, you got a text from your cousin...like it or not its how this generation communicates, so in the absence of formal invitation I would have done it with cousins by text or email.

Also I don't think your baby is invited, it specifically says obviously you are invited so baby will have to sit this one out if you do go.

Don't burn bridges. If you wanna go then go. If not then say you can't.

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SquirrelG · 28/04/2022 20:34

Does it really require all this speculation? She's asked you, she's given you an out if you want it, either go or don't go. I don't see anything at all "rude" in her invitation. Why do everyone's motives have to be queried all the time? What does it matter if you were on the reserve list? What does it matter if someone else suggested she ask you? You don't need to question whether or not the invitation was "genuine" - you've been invited, end of.

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BetterthanIthink · 28/04/2022 20:36

Oh ffs get over yourself .
Either go or don’t go .
it’s literally that simple.

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2pinkginsplease · 28/04/2022 20:37

Sounds to me that you are an after thought.

Who invites guests 2weeks before a wedding?

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