Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my mil behaved a little oddly today

208 replies

chocoholic05 · 13/04/2014 14:12

My mil turned up today which was embarrassing enough for me as I've been unwell with a heavy cold and I've let the house go this week. Anyway she said to me if you need us to take the boys off your hands for a couple of hours while you do your homework let us know and we'll take them to (name of local country park) for a couple of hours. Not tomorrow though as we are out. I said that's kind thank you but I haven't got any homework this holidays. She then said well if you want a break from them then. I said thankyou will do. She then turned to my six year old and said would you like ti go to xxx next week with grandma and grandad. Yes he said well give us a ring and well take you and you can bring your bikes. Don't forget ds1 and ds2 give us a ring bye! And off they went. Now all this was said while stood right next to me and neither of my boys have ever rung their grandma and grandad or shown any inclination too. Also my du has Thursday off. And Monday to Wednesday doing reduced hours of 8-3. Why would I need a break?

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoholic05 · 13/04/2014 14:13

Meant dh obviously stupid phone!

OP posts:
LucilleBluth · 13/04/2014 14:15

Sounds like she just wants to take them for a walk in the park.....bitch.

Sparklyboots · 13/04/2014 14:16

Did she think you needed a break because you've been ill? It doesn't sound massively sinister, do you have History?

BrianButterfield · 13/04/2014 14:17

Because it's the holidays, and she thought you might want a break from three kids? I'd love an offer like that!

Kopik · 13/04/2014 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ScrambledSmegs · 13/04/2014 14:18

Confused Sorry, what did she do wrong? I don't get it.

2whippetsnobed · 13/04/2014 14:18

I think she wants to spend some time with her grandchildren. . .

Is this am unusual thing for your family?

superbagpuss · 13/04/2014 14:18

my mil takes my DC for a couple of hours at the weekend because she remembers how hard young DC are are she loves to spend time with them, maybe that's all it was meant to be

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 13/04/2014 14:18

Exactly she does so why not just say to me directly can I take the boys out for a couple of hours. No reasons no getting the boys to give then a ring just can I take them out Tuesday afternoon for example. I'll say yes in fact as I mentioned I did

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 13/04/2014 14:19

She sounds like she was trying to help and/or spend time with her grandchildren! What a shocker!

LovelyJubblies · 13/04/2014 14:19

Sounds like she was trying to be nice and give you a break as you've been poorly.
Would you have thought she was evil if she had not offered any help at all?

TidyDancer · 13/04/2014 14:19

Seriously? Unless there's a huge backstory to this and we're in for a massive drip feed, I am struggling to see where the issue is.

Is it so terrible that a grandparent would want to speak to their grandchildren on the phone and take them out to ride their bikes?

WilsonFrickett · 13/04/2014 14:19

THere has to be something else, because that just sounds thoughtful to me?

Birdsgottafly · 13/04/2014 14:19

I would say that she wants to take out her Grandchildren and you seem to only want her to when "you need a break".

I had a wonderful relationship with my Nan and Granddad, I used to go away on holiday with them, as well as days out.

I find the dismissing of these valuable family relationships on MN depressing.

I am very involved my my Niece's one year old and as is the norm in my family take him out and have him overnight.

MaxsMummy2012 · 13/04/2014 14:21

Not sure it's odd, I think it sounds like she wants to take her DGC out for the day and is trying to help you out / give you a break - just enjoy the rest.

ecuse · 13/04/2014 14:25

Sounds like a completely unremarkable conversation to me. Perhaps she would like taking them to the park and talking to them on the phone?

ScrambledSmegs · 13/04/2014 14:25

Maybe she was talking to them because they were there? As they're not toddlers it's nice that she was actually communicating with them. I hate it when people talk over children as if they don't exist until they hit voting age.

It sounds like you don't have a great relationship with her. But why not just give her a call and suggest they take the kids to the park sometime this week. It's not about getting a break, it's about your children spending time with their grandparents.

NightCircus · 13/04/2014 14:26

I think you're prob offended that her desire to spend time with them is dressed up as 'helping you/going you a favour' not simply a request to enjoy time with her grandchildren.
It switches from something pleasant for them to something you need.

Mine do this 3-4 times a week asking to do washing/gardening/DIY ....... I think they're a little lacking purpose.
It can be a bit undermining/offensive and make me keen not to be caught on a back foot.
The help definitely comes with a you're disorganised/too busy to do everything that should be done tone.

PavlovtheCat · 13/04/2014 14:27

If I ask my friends if they want me to take their children for a couple of hours, I will always then ask the children if they want to come. They are people, just little, it's nice to involve them. Perhaps she was just wanting to involve them if they are old enough let them have a say in what they do, get them to show that they would like to spend time with them?

GP are allowed to want to enjoy their grandchildren you know, it's not illegal.

Unless, as already said there is history that you are not telling us about.

MaryWestmacott · 13/04/2014 14:30

I've realised my MIL likes to pretend she wants time with the DCs to "help" me, when actually she just wants to spend time with them.

NightCircus · 13/04/2014 14:30

I also dislike when mil arranges things via my 4 year old rather the DH and I eg she repeatedly tells him he'll have to go and sleep there when she wants him for the weekend hoping he'll nag me (he doesn't), rather than asking us directly.

EBearhug · 13/04/2014 14:32

I would say that she wants to take out her Grandchildren and you seem to only want her to when "you need a break".

I would agree that she wants to take the grandchildren out, but why not just say something like, "We'd really like to take them out for a day. Which day(s) will fit in best with what you've got on?" She's making it sound like she can only do it if it's for needed baby-sitting, and then moves on to emotional blackmail by asking the children in front of their parents.

Of course, there may well be history there that we're not aware of, but just asking openly - well, it could have triggered a different sort of thread, but it would be less likely to be one about mil behaving a little oddly.

LokiDokey · 13/04/2014 14:35

DD packed a bag and went to MIL's yesterday, not sure when she'll be back (though in fairness she is 16). She loves being down there and as we lost FIL last year she's good company for MIL.

She's always spent a good portion of time with her Grandparents in the school holidays and after FIL passed last year at a relatively young 64 I'm glad she did. She has fond memories of fishing with jam jars in the brook and riding bikes in the park, all those things Grandparents tend to do that we seem to never get chance to. Let the kids enjoy their Grandparents whilst they can OP. They might not be around as long as you'd hope.

Original poster
chocoholic05 · 13/04/2014 14:38

That's exactly how I felt ecircus and ebearhug. The children were asked as soon as I said I don't have any homework. It was repeated to them a few times to get them excited. Why not just say well can I take them out anyway?

OP posts:
Amytheflag · 13/04/2014 14:38

That absolute fucking CUNT.