to think my mil behaved a little oddly today

[chocoholic05]

My mil turned up today which was embarrassing enough for me as I've been unwell with a heavy cold and I've let the house go this week. Anyway she said to me if you need us to take the boys off your hands for a couple of hours while you do your homework let us know and we'll take them to (name of local country park) for a couple of hours. Not tomorrow though as we are out. I said that's kind thank you but I haven't got any homework this holidays. She then said well if you want a break from them then. I said thankyou will do. She then turned to my six year old and said would you like ti go to xxx next week with grandma and grandad. Yes he said well give us a ring and well take you and you can bring your bikes. Don't forget ds1 and ds2 give us a ring bye! And off they went. Now all this was said while stood right next to me and neither of my boys have ever rung their grandma and grandad or shown any inclination too. Also my du has Thursday off. And Monday to Wednesday doing reduced hours of 8-3. Why would I need a break?

I think transactional analysis would explain the roles at play here.

hmm, in fact my DM invited my DC for christmas, without running it by me first !

sigh.

I think as children get older and are more aware of their own social engagements/commitments then they would naturally be more involved in the arrangements.

OPs DC are 6 and under.

I've not slagged her off.
Why do you think she didn't make a direct request/ try to firm up plans?

OP I think you should consider what it is about the way you behave towards your MIL that makes it difficult for her to ask you directly?

Because honestly it sounds as if you are tetchy and obstructive when she wants to see them, so the poor woman is just trying to phrase it in a way that won't offend you.

I have sons, I might emigrate when they have kids, to save myself being the mil from hell.

(yours are ds's, cut your mil some slack).

I agree.
It may be that OP has previously been obstructive??

I meant that I agree with Shoewhore.
It's not easy when families are joined together.
However, I know from as so as my 1st child was born my MIL tried to make all contact about helping me and it made me doubt myself.

I understand (now people have explained it) why you were offended.

But don't think of it in a work context, or in a 'why would she just ask me direct' sort of way.

How about thinking of it as, MIL doesn't want to offend me, MIL isn't blessed with 39 posters on MN explaining to her the best way to phrase a request, MIL is trying to give me a break (for altruistic reasons) but mostly just wants to enjoy the company of her grandchildren and feels she needs a 'reason' or 'excuse' even though she doesn't- perhaps she feels this way because of something I've said or done.

Then shrug, realise it's a nice gesture for all involved (MiL and DC) and ring her and set it up for whenever she wants in the week?

My boys are aged six and eight. I mentioned the six year old because he was the one getting excited. My eight year old wasn't particularly bothered and disapeared upstairs! And she doesn't need an excuse to see them.

Maybe that's it then.
She might be worried that they're not that bothered about the day out so rather than risk rejection adds the to help you bit.

Dear God I think you are overthinking this!
She offered to help you said you didn't need it but didn't follow up with "but I'm sure the kids would love to go to xxxx" as might have been expected. She then would feel a bit daft saying "we would like to take them" so directs the question to the children instead.

She has probably gone away thinking choco was a bit odd!

Chocoholic, how would you describe your relationship with your MIL? If you aren't particularly close, is it possible that she feels that she does need an excuse to see them?

It sounds like you rub each other up the wrong way a bit.

I am absolutely dreading being a MIL. Can't she just have been excited and wanted to spend time with her GC? And when you said 'right-o, I'll let you know, that sounds great' she turned to her GC and said you can bring your bikes and we can have a fun day out.

Hardly crime of the century! I pity some MILs. It'd be far worse if she never bothered with her GC.

Honestly, I am quite touchy suspicious and prickly with my ils but think you have just trumped me .

Nothing at all wrong with what your mil dis or said. I think she may have felt a bit out of her depth or insecure, which is a pitty. Perhaps you came across as a bit standoffish? I don't think she should have to ask to take her grandchildren out. It would be nicer if she could suggest a nice outing to the park.

It sounds a taaaaaaaad bit like there is a little chip on your shoulder? I mean this in the nicest possible way have one myself.

Actually your mil should really quite nice, lucky you!

Your mil sounds rally nice.

Oh, and yabu! I wish I had in laws in this country x

Oh god, I give up, bloody tablet keyboard.
*your mil sounds really nice! I feel a bit sorry for her if she feels she can't easily spend time with her grandsons.

I completely fail to see what she's done wrong? !

I think you're being weird and there's nothing wrong with it as it's written.

Many parents feel guilty at wanting a break from the kids or judge others who do. She was letting you know she's not one of those and will support you if you do want a break. She also is keen to spend time with her grandchildren.

I really don't see the issue.

Even after your subsequent explanations OP, I still fail to understand the problem.

How about saying to your MIL "I've no homework to do, but I'm sure the kids would still like to spend some time with you" and "thank you". I'd bite my ILs arm off if they ever offered - they never do.

I can't see the problem with what your MIL said. Most people appreciate a break from looking after young children, particularly if they've been ill recently so the fact that you and your DH are/will off work is irrelevant.

Bloody hell OP - sounds like you felt MIL was critical of you when she suggested taking the kids so you could get things done. Total overreaction from you. If you've been unwell would you honestly not a like a day to yourself now you're feeling better?

Why not just say well can I take them out anyway?

Erm because she has a different way of doing/saying things from you, and here's a thought, it may not be the wrong way even if it is different from yours, and as a grown woman she does not have to run every tiny fart past you before letting it rip.

I have seen some fucking unreasonable complaints against MiLs since being here but this one fair takes the biscuit to the point that I suspect that even if she had said 'well can I take them out anyway' you wouldn't have liked that either.

I will do the charitable thing and assume that you are acting like a total little madam because you are still under the weather. Get well soon!