to think my mil behaved a little oddly today

[chocoholic05]

My mil turned up today which was embarrassing enough for me as I've been unwell with a heavy cold and I've let the house go this week. Anyway she said to me if you need us to take the boys off your hands for a couple of hours while you do your homework let us know and we'll take them to (name of local country park) for a couple of hours. Not tomorrow though as we are out. I said that's kind thank you but I haven't got any homework this holidays. She then said well if you want a break from them then. I said thankyou will do. She then turned to my six year old and said would you like ti go to xxx next week with grandma and grandad. Yes he said well give us a ring and well take you and you can bring your bikes. Don't forget ds1 and ds2 give us a ring bye! And off they went. Now all this was said while stood right next to me and neither of my boys have ever rung their grandma and grandad or shown any inclination too. Also my du has Thursday off. And Monday to Wednesday doing reduced hours of 8-3. Why would I need a break?

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Blimey, badidea, it's true colours time. You seriously think that the only way to do you a favour is for your MIL to come and clean up all your shit like some skivvy while you trot off to the park with your kids. Absolutely gob smacked. I reiterate, the only favours that you, and other DILs who think like you , seem to Want to accept are ones that are an advantage to you and you only. Whereas I see a favour from my MIL as her treating my kids and enhancing their relationship with her.

Think I've heard it all about MILs now.

Btw, it's not really helpful for people to post about extreme MIL behaviours such as turning up twice a week and doing really unhelpful stuff in the garden or insisting on taking shirts to iron with the result that you are then put out by having to collect them.

The OP was specifically talking about a casual request to take the children out FOR A NICE TIME. If someone was trying to make arrangements with me for taking my kids out, I would consider it the height of rudeness to not give them any opportunity to fix a date and time. It's just fobbing them off and making it very obvious That you are not happy with it. The other person WOULD feel hurt and frustrated. Whoever that was.

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Can someone send curly a dictionary. Favour means an act of kindness beyond that which is usual or necessary. Therefore by definition of course a favour should be to the advantage of the recipient. D'oh.

that's the whole point of this thread. The OPs MIL wanted to do something for her own benefit but dressed it up as being for OPs benefit, in two different ways after being turned down the first time. The second time she got a non-committal "we'll see" type answer, since the ball was still firmly in the OPs court as the supposed beneficiary of this act of kindness. Realising she hadn't got what she wanted she then tried to dress it up as an act of kindness to the children by addressing them directly, which i find underhanded and manipulative since OP hadn't agreed, and she hadn't got what SHE really wanted out of her "generous offer".

actually she wanted to be the recipient of the favour, the OP letting her take the boys to the park. Had she asked for it as such i am sure the OP would have said of course, and suggested a time, but then she would have had to be honest about her who was receiving the charity.

[Martorana]

I find it deeply depressing that people think they are doing grandparents a favour by "letting" them take their grandchildren to the park! You're not lending them a lawnmower-your children are having a nice time with people who love them.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Favour, Schmavour. Call it what you like, it was an offer for MIL and her grand kids to spend some time together. Which, unless the MIL is a downright nasty, bigoted piece I work, is a NICE THING.

Clearly, some of you are projecting, based on your experiences of a properly interfering and manipulative MIL/parent. To call the OP's MIL manipulative, based on the scant amount of information given, is madness.

Outta here, this thread is nuts, and yes - I agree with many others: I hope I never have a DIL who sees the worst in everything I do.

[badidea]

Cjelh - no I wouldn't want MIL rummaging in the house and if she had made that offer I'd have said No. I just think it odd that people think that giving you a couple of hours to tidy your house is a favour - who the hell wants to do housework as a treat?!

curly as I mentioned previously, there are three type of posters here who don't seem to 'get' the oddness mentioned by the OP - you clearly fall into the 'I would take anybody's offer to take my kids out so don't mind how that comes about, I'd simply snap their hand off'. Personally, I like spending time with my kids and don't farm them out on a regular basis - but each to their own.

And point getting all arsy just because you misused as word curly.

I've learned from my MIL how NOT to be a MIL, so any future DILs of mine will hopefully benefit from the hell I've been through.

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

I'm sure i am projecting, but you can all be reassured that i really do have a very nasty, bigoted piece of work for a MIL!

but then the OP thought to post about it so i assume hers is not as angelic as you would all like to assume!

[Marcelinewhyareyousomean]

Bed, that's a good synopsis of why it was odd behaviour. The whole point is that is was anything but a casual request. 'I'd love to see the kids' - 'sounds lovely, thanks. Let me / OH know when is good for you.'

[Livingwithminecraftaddicts]

Christ. Would she take my dc?