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To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

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MaudBaileysGreenTurban Tue 21-Apr-20 13:27:47

I have just watched myself on a recorded Teams meeting.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

My face is basically a blancmange in a plastic bag with two googly Mr Potato Head eyes stuck on wonky. One is half-shut all the time.

When I talk, my mouth sort of does a collapsy thing.

Where is my chin? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY CHIN?

I can't believe I've actually been walking around, conversing with people, looking like this. For years.

Why did no one tell me I looked like this????

OP’s posts: |
FelipeFlop Tue 21-Apr-20 13:29:06

I’m too busy talking with my eyelids weirdly half shut and doing a stupid repetitive annoying fluttering to have seen you, OP.

Elisheva Tue 21-Apr-20 13:31:20

Yesterday I leant on my hand to cover my chin, but then noticed that I seem to have huge hands in relation to my head.

Bumblebee6789 Tue 21-Apr-20 13:31:21

Lol, someone has replaced me with a fat middle age woman ??!

handslikecowstits Tue 21-Apr-20 13:31:28

This is why I don't look in mirrors. I look like a shaved mole.

CMOTDibbler Tue 21-Apr-20 13:32:57

Never watch a recording of yourself. Last year I had to record some videos of myself and then watch the edited footage (about 3 hours in total) and it was just awful. For a start I sound like the queen, and then theres the way one eye isn't lined up properly, and my flicky hands. And I fidget with my feet on the seated bits.
The worst bit is everyone else bloody loves them, and I need to record lots more once out of lockdown. At least this time I'll have more than a days notice so I'll have had a decent manicure!

Cherrysoup Tue 21-Apr-20 13:33:02

I’m going to put on mascara for my meeting this afternoon. I’ve done my hair already.

MaudBaileysGreenTurban Tue 21-Apr-20 13:35:28

I keep doing this...move. Where I appear to be trying to make my entire face sink into my neck. WTF am I doing?

OP’s posts: |
Spied Tue 21-Apr-20 13:36:41

My face looks like a big round ball in comparison to others people's when caught on camera. Very bloated look.
I also seem to have a very small mouth ( perhaps it's because of my puffy pink head?)

Gingernaut Tue 21-Apr-20 13:37:15

The right and left sides of my face belong to two different people.

The eyes are slightly out of kilter and slightly different sizes, the nostrils are different sizes and my mouth is weird as my left side seems happier than my right.

My hairline differs either side of a central right leaning curl, there's slightly more grey on my right than my left and my eyebrows are different lengths, with my right slightly longer and stragglier than my shorter neater left.

My double chin is also overtaking my actual chin. 😳

iMatter Tue 21-Apr-20 13:40:34

I'm sure the positioning of your tablet/laptop makes a difference. Make sure you are not looking down into it - stack it on some books or something. Everyone looks jowlier when they look down.

I had a zoom meeting yesterday with a bunch of people who seemed to have massive nostrils but I think it was the looking down thing.

MaudBaileysGreenTurban Tue 21-Apr-20 13:45:23

I've heard that iMatter but I reckon my laptop would have to be on the moon for its position to improve the issue grin

OP’s posts: |
ColourMeExhausted Tue 21-Apr-20 13:47:00

I blink. All the time. I'm amazed nobody has ever commented on it. And I have the biggest under eyebags of anyone in our team Zoom meeting.

BobbinThreadbare123 Tue 21-Apr-20 13:52:06

Fortunately I am spared the use of webcam and any conferencing is done by voice only, due to the nature of my job. For this I am very thankful. The downside is that, in my own head, my voice is a fairly low-pitched, moderately accented, normal voice; in reality I sound like Lily Savage on helium.

catwithnohat Tue 21-Apr-20 14:12:29

bobbin love it.

I sound like a strangled cat which gets worse when I'm stressed. I have a 1-2-1 Skype meeting with my line manager tomorrow and not looking forward to it (and that's not taking into consideration that I look and feel that something the cat brought in before being strangled...sad)

Hingeandbracket Tue 21-Apr-20 14:13:32

Why did no one tell me I looked like this????

Because we all look worse.

MysweetAudrina Tue 21-Apr-20 14:16:04

I'm finding this thread hilarious. Just be thankful that you weren't in your boxers with the camera angled at your crotch like one of my colleagues last week

Sparklingbrook Tue 21-Apr-20 14:20:06

I have been facetiming my parents and brother, I put make up on and do my hair just for it, but as soon as I appear on the screen all I can see is my late Nan when she was 96. sad

I renewed my passport photo a while ago and I really pulled out all the stops with hair and make up, wore a nice top, in the actual mirror I thought I looked pretty good.. But lo and behold the picture that came back-yep-it was my Nan.

Ugh

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Tue 21-Apr-20 14:21:11

MysweetAudrina - is your colleague Nigel Farage?! 😂

dudsville Tue 21-Apr-20 14:21:47

I love you all, i haven't had a proper laugh from a MN thread in ages.

Yes to what you're all describing. Personally though my difficulty seems to be realising that those little squares of moving and talking heads are Actual Live People Who Can See Me. I repeatedly lose my train of thought mid sentence as, looking around my room, I've spied something that needs to be dusted/adjusted and just kind of... stop talking.... pause.... look back at my computer, only to realise they're waiting for me to finish.

artistformerlyknownas Tue 21-Apr-20 14:22:54

grin my eyebrows seem to disappear entirely on camera, I look like a thumb

DaphneFanshaw Tue 21-Apr-20 14:24:17

I look like my Dad in a wig.

Sparklingbrook Tue 21-Apr-20 14:25:10

.

ladybee28 Tue 21-Apr-20 14:26:14

Also worth noting that some call softwares and webcams flip the image horizontally, so everything looks back to front.

Most people hate the way they look when they see this, because it's the reverse of how you see yourself when you look in the mirror. It looks unfamiliar and therefore unpleasant.

[[ www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/why-selfies-sometimes-look-weird-to-their-subjects/359567/ Article about this here]]

However, what I particularly hate about it is that what you look like on those flipped cameras IS what you look like to everyone else... what you think you look like is not what you look like.

Ugh.

BuzzShitbagBobbly Tue 21-Apr-20 14:26:47

I found out I had a slight lisp when I hear my voice played back.
I don't know if I always sound like that or it is just my posh phone voice.
I genuinely can't hear it in normal conversation!

And I also look like jabba the hutt because my laptop/camera is quite far away to the side of my big screen, and the angle turns me into a massive pyramid.

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