To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

[MaudBaileysGreenTurban]

I have just watched myself on a recorded Teams meeting.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

My face is basically a blancmange in a plastic bag with two googly Mr Potato Head eyes stuck on wonky. One is half-shut all the time.

When I talk, my mouth sort of does a collapsy thing.

Where is my chin? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY CHIN?

I can't believe I've actually been walking around, conversing with people, looking like this. For years.

Why did no one tell me I looked like this????

Just send an email round to all your colleagues. "Apologies to anyone in a teams meeting with me, I seem to have set my picture to a blobfish and can't work out how to change it. IT are so busy supporting us whilst working at home, I don't want to bother them with trivial issues like getting my camera working again."

Thanks for the laugh people

I always thought my parting was slightly off centre but on zoom it looks like it's severely to one side. I'm trying to move it more to the middle now but it doesn't want to go there.

@DaphneFanshaw I am the same! (But my dad is 84 )
This is why I have my webcam covered over. It's for my children's privacy, honest!

Ah, all my colleagues know I'm a hag anyway.

I have another meeting in 5 mins. My laptop is teetering on a pile of boxes 3ft above my head and I have so much makeup on that Joan Collins would probably suggest I toned it down a bit.

I'll let you know.

I have the following masks which i may deploy for my next facetime chat

Horses head
Morph mask
Bart Simpson

Either one of them would be an improvement.

Thanks for this thread OP - I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much!

I’m also very relieved that I’m not alone in struggling with my onscreen image. Other people seem to look like their normal selves, whereas I look like something usually seen carved in stone on old churches, with the added attraction of nostrils as huge and luxuriant as jungle caves

My brother's girlfriend always looks amazing.

I have so far spent all of lockdown pouting. Now that I know I have no bone structure whatsoever I am adopting this look permanently to try to create a jawline and some cheekbones.

I was doing a zoom meet up with friends and my DP when I realised I fancied him MORE ON SCREEN than in the flesh sat next to me. Somehow seeing the reverse image balances out his features and makes him look more attractive. Was seriously considering telling him this.

Move the laptop back a bit is my only top tip. The further I am from the screen, the better I look, for some odd reason...

Either that or slather your camera in vaseline, old school Hollywood style.

Can relate.

I look like a thumb.

I am a university lecturer. All our lectures (in the before times when I left the house) are recorded. There is a small screen that shows the image that’s being recorded as it happens, I have to turn it off because the fat old woman on it is too distracting. We can also use a camera to film writing on paper for worked examples in class; even my hands are old and fat.

I always look slightly deranged as I'm looking directly at the screen but in reality this looks like I'm staring intently at something slightly off screen. Everyone things I'm a bit mad anyway. Meh

The other thing I learned from lecture recording is that what I thought was a rather soft hint of a Scottish accent is actually more akin to Rab C Nesbit, or the incomprehensible aberdonian from Brave.

I’m going to put on mascara for my meeting this afternoon. I felt strange this morning with mascara on the top half and gardening trouser on the bottom.

I'm sure the positioning of your tablet/laptop makes a difference. Make sure you are not looking down into it - stack it on some books or something. Good idea!

I was struck this morning with the divergance of spoken and visual messaging - guy at the other end was trying to cement the relationship and was talking openly and, presumably, trying to look into my face ... except he was looking at my face on his monitor and so my view of him was looking down and avoiding his gaze. And I was presumably doing the same to him. I wonder if this is part of the reason we all hate remote meetings (apart from the technical problems and the all speaking at once then all stopping to wait for each other).

This thread has cheered me up so much! I spend a lot of time morbidly fascinated by how awful I look when I’m talking on screen. I’m so relieved I’m not alone!

Loving this thread! It's cheered me up no end!

A few weeks ago I was among a group of people that sent messages with a photo of themselves to a couple of relations.

I had to take a selfie as I'm on my own during lockdown. Looking at the awful prissy looking woman in the 'best' selfie I could manage it comes as no surprise that no one wants to spend lockdown with me.

Been doing a lot of video calls with family since the lockdown as well. I have no idea who the hell that old woman with the horrible flat hair is, but every time we do one of the calls, there she is with her picture in the corner of the screen; I wish she's bugger off.

either averting his gaze or avoiding my gaze My fingers clearly felt my brain hadn't come to a conclusions.

Laughing so much!! It's not only the roots, the enlarged pores , the ginormous bags under my eyes, but the VOICE.

It's so whiney, nasal and annoying. I can't believe everybody i've ever known has had to put up with it for so long!

I FaceTimed my mother yesterday. I couldn't work out which face was mine and which was hers. She's seventy fucking five 😭

I can't stand my voice. I'm amazed that anyone ever wants to hear me speak.

Turns out I have a massive lazy eye and only speak out of one side of my mouth.

That's really fun to realise when you've just presented to 200 people and are watching the meeting back to pull out key questions for future updates.

I have attached an accurate picture of myself on every zoom meeting
I have also developed a bit of a stammer which only appears on zoom meetings. Weird and annoying