To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

[MaudBaileysGreenTurban]

I have just watched myself on a recorded Teams meeting.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

My face is basically a blancmange in a plastic bag with two googly Mr Potato Head eyes stuck on wonky. One is half-shut all the time.

When I talk, my mouth sort of does a collapsy thing.

Where is my chin? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY CHIN?

I can't believe I've actually been walking around, conversing with people, looking like this. For years.

Why did no one tell me I looked like this????

Apparently my head is the same width as my neck? Wtf? I knew I had no chin but that’s only an issue in profile where I look like queen Victoria. I thought I had a nice shaped face but no I’m just a neck with a pair of specs stuck on the front!

Aha! Put the laptop on two photo albums today (yes they're from the 90s). Looked a lot better!

Ahh this threat has had me in tears. So so funny! And some very vivid descriptions 😁😁thank you lovely mumsnetters!

Glorious! After teaching via 4 Zoom calls a day I have given up and am rocking the wicked witch of the west look! At least the children always seem pleased to see me haha

Joining late, but where the fuck is my jawline? My head is just a massive round circle, like a child's drawing.

I usually have my lip and chin waxed it stops it growing back every 2 days. Obviously that can't be done now so I'm shaving. I've got permanent stubble.

Ds asked me why I have splinters on my chin last night?

All of our team has put stickers over their cameras. We are going to do a Teams meeting by special appt next week. I'm going to practise and stage. The thing I'm most worried about is how massive my boobs look. I think I need to find a top the same colour as the background and just be a face.

Thanks for the tips.

My forehead looks huge and nose looks like a circumcised penis on camera. Bloody hate it!!

Thanks for making me feel more normal!!

OP, you could always try the potato trick - this really happened.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/laurenstrapagiel/potato-boss-video-call

I look like Caspar the ghost on zoom and I fidget. I also want to shout “don’t touch your face!!!!” at myself all the time.

I led an audio only (yay!) call the other day and asked everybody to mute their mics because there was terrible feedback and I could hear a very confusing echo of myself. Everybody duly muted themselves and I felt like an idiot talking into a black hole of complete silence. I then started speeding up and stumbling over what I was saying. And of course I had to ask “are you still there?”. More than once. My team now know that I am a complete moron.

A tripod. A tripod is what you all NEED! It will revolutionise your video conferencing 👍🏻

Apart from the fact that I nod my head too much which makes me look a bit deranged, I look way older than I think I do, and my voice sounds like I am being strangled I thought the first Zoom meeting went well. I am trying to avoid another one.

Thank you OP, you made me laugh.

I have no idea what it is about the iPhone camera which is so unforgiving! My forehead looks huge on camera and I actually have a low hairline in RL. My nose also looks like I’ve attached a Concorde to my face on camera! I also haven’t got a symmetrical face so it’s camera facing my left side or nothing at all!
I actually did a Houseparty call for my friends birthday yesterday and she said I looked really well! My face was apparently fuller and more youthful. I then had to confess to the 5KG weigh gain during lockdown! I told her seeing anything from the breasts down was out of the question!

My zoom pose involves covering my mouth with my hands in a thoughtful looking manner while anyone is talking. In my head this not only hides my chin but also any unconscious smirks or mouth twists.

Yeah, I know. No one is fooled by it

This thread is brilliant, so funny and welcome light relief.
‘Shaved mole’ nearly had me spit out my coffee.
My face sags slightly on one side, not quite Bell’s palsy but close, when did that happen? And I’ve run out of wax strips so am currently having a facial hair off with DP, not quite Magnum PI but again, it’s close.
Stay well, you horrendous looking lot. X

It’s weekly family FaceTime for me this afternoon. Can someone summarise the tips for looking amazing for me? I have about 2 hours.
I could just wear the horse mask I suppose. 🤷‍♀️

This is the very best chat I have ever seen on Mumsnet. Laughing out loud raucously, and I know I my open mouth smile/laugh makes me look like Richard Briers In Ever Decreasing Circles. I always swore I would never have a turkey neck, still don't but its all softening up! Often sit holding it up to try to defeat gravity, and careful not to tuck it in too much while reading! My eyes are odd , one smaller than the other, & one eyebrow higher my mouth is not symmetrical I also have a laughter line on one side of my mouth that goes down and looks AWFUL , really aging. Had a shock the other day when I saw a photo of myself, am I really that fat?? I want to see you all!!

or it is it Turtle neck, or is that just a jumper, cos they have that sort of neck too....

Thank you for this thread!! I’ve been truly traumatised my the way I look on screen. I’m actually depressed about it but you guys have made me laugh about it at least!!

Me on a good day.

I’m a lumpy potato with an unexpectedly deep voice. Every time I hear it I’m horrified. And I need a brace. And why have I suddenly been blessed with 5 bulbous chins, each with a unique smattering of facial hair?

Basically it’s awful. Sorry to those who have to talk to me,

I spent my last work zoom meeting holding a large stripy mug and pretending to sip frequently. I presume my colleagues thought it contained gin, but at least the mug hid some of my face.

This thread is amazing, I've cried so much with laughter that my eyes have now disappeared 😂

Well I have discovered a previously unknown accent. I thought I did quite well hiding my Yorkshire roots. Appears not. I may as well say stuff like eeh by gum and aright love.

Also because sun and being out quite a bit all of my beautiful perfect circle face is brown but my seventeen chins are white. Looks ridiculous.

Loving this thread! Exactly what we all needed

Although now not only do I have 2 chins, no eyebrows, massive eye bags, grey roots and a ridiculously squeaky voice - but my face is bright red and wet from crying with laughter...