To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

[MaudBaileysGreenTurban]

I have just watched myself on a recorded Teams meeting.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

My face is basically a blancmange in a plastic bag with two googly Mr Potato Head eyes stuck on wonky. One is half-shut all the time.

When I talk, my mouth sort of does a collapsy thing.

Where is my chin? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY CHIN?

I can't believe I've actually been walking around, conversing with people, looking like this. For years.

Why did no one tell me I looked like this????

I joined a teams call to practice and see what i looked like on screen before the call. Fucking hell. I look like a giant blob. With a potato head and tiny pin prick eyes. You could see my nose from space. Bloody hell!

I am the oldest reader of your threads and all I can say is wait until you get to my age (79) and you will look back and think "Why the heck did I think I looked awful in my 30s, or 40s, or 5os?" I used to be beautiful then, according to my photos, but like you I thought my nose was too big, my nick was wrinkly, and my tummy always looked at least 8 months preggers.

My NECK was wrinkly...

Luckily for me, my manager is too senile to be able to figure out how to access her desktop from home since two months ago, so no video calls for us (yet).

I did notice on the outside camera footage that my hair is thinning at the back and I’m slightly bald on top and I had no idea. I’m 30.

Jowls.
Droopy mouth on one side while I talk, teeth appear to be missing on one side (they are there really).
Annoying fluttery eye thing.
My lovely curls are a mass of thin, partly see-though frizz.

Caught sight of a crepey neck today and thought ‘who’s that on my camera?’. Obviously was me and I need to up the moisturiser game.

I've found myself tilting my head slightly to the left while I listen to people and write notes with my right hand. Which is fine at first but I tilt it further and further left, and only notice when someone asks me a question so I look up from my notepad and see that my head is horizontal. Then I try to style it out by answering the question while very gradually turning my head back up to normal position. As soon as it's someone else's turn to speak off it goes again. I've never met these people in person before so they don't know that I actually have a normal neck. Unless I do it in real life too!