I’m a long time lurker but have pulled on my big girl pants for my first ever post in AIBU!

We are hosting my friend and her husband on Saturday for dinner. We’ve hosted them before and they’ve always been good company and said they’d enjoyed the food.

We were texting earlier about something unrelated - she clearly had another conversation on the go as she sent a reply which was of no relevance to our conversation.

Her message said:
I can’t do Saturday I am afraid. At (my name)’s for dinner again. That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

Would it be wrong of me to rescind the invite? We go to a lot of effort to host them and feel this is frankly insulting.

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

My 20 year old daughter is home from uni. The first 2 weeks were ok because basically she was on holiday with friends. We are due to go away tomorrow but have just had an almighty row.

The way she talks to me is awful and is really upsetting especially as I give her money for uni every month, gave her cash for her holiday & basically try and do the best I can. As a family we suffer because we give her money & have nothing left.

My DH gives her money every month too which means we can’t afford to do stuff around the house like replace the kitchen or buy a new hoover. She said our kitchen was worse than a student house and laughed because the hoover is held together with sellotape even though I explained it’s because we have no spare cash.

The row started because she asked me a question and I replied with a bored fed up tone. She then shouted “watch your tone missy”. I told her not to speak to me like that and she said she’d speak to me how she wanted. I told her to treat me with respect she said why should she & it basically escalated from there.

Yes my tone wasn’t great but I told her I should be able to speak in whatever tone I want in my own home. She also picks me up on my facial expressions and tells me off if I look at her in the “wrong way”. Basically as long as I am never tired or depressed and speak in the “wrong” tone or look at her in the “wrong” way we get on ok.

Whenever we argue she uses the fact that I don’t have a dad to explain my “personality” says I need to go on medication, that I’m a hoarder (I’m not!) and basically rips me apart.

It’s upsetting and I don’t know how we will manage until she leaves for uni again in October. I have 2 other daughters who get upset by all the shouting and arguing.

I don’t want to have to keep taking it from her but if I don’t we argue and then get the silent treatment from her.

Her personality was like this before she went to uni so nothing is going to change.

Really don’t want to go on holiday tomorrow but I have spent money I don’t have and can’t disappoint the rest of my children by not going.

Sorry this is long but I don't want to make DH out to be the bad guy because I don't think he is. I just don't know whether I'm being unreasonable or whether this is just another phase of becoming parents.

DH and I are both in our mid/late 30s. We had our first child last year after 9 yrs together and our little boy turns one in August.

I absolutely adore our son but if I'm honest, I've found this first year far harder than I ever imagined. I thought I was prepared but nothing prepares you for how relentless it is. The sleep deprivation, the constant responsibility, worrying about every little thing, never really switching off. I struggled emotionally in the early months and although things are much better now, I still don't feel like "old me."

Throughout all of this DH has genuinely been brilliant. He does his share around the house, gets up with our son at weekends so I can have a lie in, cooks, cleans, changes nappies, does bedtime. He's a very involved dad and I honestly couldn't ask for more in that respect.

The problem seems to be... us.
Before having our son we were one of those couples who were always close. Sitting with our legs over each other on the sofa, holding hands, random hugs in the kitchen, kissing each other goodbye even if it was just popping to the shops. We'd often just sit cuddled up watching TV without even thinking about it. Physical affection has always been a huge part of our relationship.

Now by the end of the day I honestly feel completely "touched out." My son is on me constantly. He's at that age where he wants picking up, climbing over me, pulling himself up on me, wanting feeding, (I’m still breast feeding I want to do it for a bit longer as I feel guilty not doing that) wanting comforting. I spend most of the day with someone physically attached to me. I have gone back to work 3 times a week for now which has been very hard to adjust to.

By the evening I just want to sit down and have a cup of tea without another human touching me for five minutes.

It's not that I don't love DH or don't fancy him. We still have sex fairly regularly (probably once or twice a week on average, sometimes more, sometimes less depending on how shattered we both are). To me that seems fairly healthy considering we have a baby.

But DH says sex isn't really the issue.
He says he misses affection.
According to him I never initiate affection anymore, I move away if he tries to cuddle on the sofa because I say I'm too hot or uncomfortable, I don't randomly kiss him anymore, if he puts his arm round me I tend to carry on scrolling my phone rather than lean into him.

He said recently, "I feel like I have to ask permission just to get a cuddle."
That actually upset me because I hadn't realised he felt that way.
I explained exactly what I've written above, that by bedtime I've had someone touching me literally all day and my body just needs a bit of space. He said he completely understands the concept of being touched out but that he also feels like he's gone from being my partner to just someone who helps run the household.

His words were, "Our son gets every bit of your affection. I get whatever energy you've got left."I didn't really know what to say because in some ways I understand why he'd feel that way, but equally our son is a baby. He literally needs me.

It's not just before sex either. Even afterwards he'll want to lie there cuddling for ages, chatting or just holding each other. Which is lovely in theory, but sometimes all I want is a quick shower, clean pyjamas and to get into bed on my own side and go to sleep. By that point it's often late and I know our son will probably be awake at 6am, I want to have enough energy to go on the exercise bike in the morning because our son wakes up. I feel awful admitting it because I know he's only looking for closeness, but sometimes it genuinely feels like another demand on me when all I want is to switch off.

Another thing he's brought up is that he thinks I've become a much more anxious person since becoming a mum. A few weeks ago we left our son overnight with DH's parents for the first time. Well, technically we were collecting him the following morning because we'd planned dinner, drinks. It was the first proper date we'd had in months.

Dinner was lovely. We laughed, had a few drinks, talked about things other than nappies and for a while it actually felt like us again.
But I'll admit I kept bringing our son up.
I kept saying things like, "Do you think he's had enough milk?", "Should we ring and check he's okay?", "What if he won't settle?" “Why haven’t they sent any pictures of him”, "I can always pump some more when we get back if he needs it."After about the fourth or fifth time DH said, "Can you just relax? He's absolutely fine." I said I was trying.

He then said, "I just want one evening where I feel like I've got my wife to myself without your mind being somewhere else."
Again, I felt guilty because I know exactly what he meant, but I couldn't just switch my brain off. It wasn't that I didn't want to be there with him, I was having a lovely time, but my brain is constantly thinking about our son.

There's probably one other thing that's been bothering me too. Since becoming parents DH seems to be drinking more than he used to. I'm not talking about getting drunk every night, but it's become almost routine for him to have one or two beers after work. On its own I probably wouldn't think much of it, but it's becoming such a habit that I've started noticing it.

Last weekend we were at his parents' house for a family BBQ.His mum had bought me a few summery outfits to cheer me up because she thought they'd suit me, so she asked me to try them on. I came downstairs wearing one of the dresses and everyone was saying how nice it looked.

My SIL smiled and said along the lines of ‘You've snapped back so quickly after having a baby.’
I laughed because I don't really think I have, I've just lost most of the pregnancy weight naturally from running around after an almost one year old.

By this point DH had had far too much to drink. He wasn't just tipsy, he was very drunk.
He smiled and said, "Yeah... shame I barely get to touch her."Everyone laughed but it was one of those really awkward laughs where nobody quite knew what to say.That wasn't even the end of it.Throughout the evening he kept making little comments about how I never cuddle him anymore and how our son gets all my attention. At one point he laughed and said, "I'm jealous of my own son."Again, awkward silence.Then, to my absolute horror, he started talking about our sex life.
He said before we had our son I used to be much more adventurous, that I used to enjoy giving him oral sex, and now "it's just missionary”I wanted the ground to swallow me up.His parents were sitting there. His sister was sitting there.Nobody knew where to look.
My MIL suddenly started clearing stuff, FIL stared at the barbecue, SIL immediately tried changing the subject, BIL and his wife just changed the subject. I don't think anyone found it funny. I think they were embarrassed for me.On the taxi home I asked him why on earth he'd thought that was an appropriate conversation to have in front of his family.
He genuinely seemed surprised that I'd been so upset.

He said he'd only been joking but admitted there was "truth behind every joke."
The next morning he apologised repeatedly. He admitted he'd had far too much to drink, said he couldn't even remember saying some of it and was mortified when I told him exactly what he'd come out with.
He said he'd never intended to humiliate me.
The thing is, I don't actually think he's trying to pressure me. If anything, I think he's genuinely lonely. He says he misses me.

But equally I can't help feeling he's become quite needy. Sometimes it feels like if we're sitting on the sofa he wants to be touching me. If we're in bed he wants to cuddle. If we're walking somewhere he wants to hold hands. It's almost as though he's desperately trying to recreate how we were before the baby, whereas I'm still trying to work out who I even am now.

I also can't ignore the fact that he's drinking more than he used to, and all of these feelings seem to come pouring out once he's had too much.

I feel guilty because I honestly don't know how to give any more than I already am. By the time our son is asleep I've usually been "on duty" for 13 hours and I just want to sit quietly for half an hour.

I don't want every evening to involve sitting on the same sofa under the same blanket holding hands. Sometimes I just want to exist in my own space for a bit.

At the same time I don't want him feeling unloved either because he really has been an amazing husband and father throughout all of this.

In a way I’m still adjusting to motherhood but I also want to keep our relationship. I know these things probably just take time. I’m still in love with him. I’ve just got a whole human that needs me a lot and I don’t know to adjust and be chill.

Talking to DH about what he’d do if we split up. Lighthearted, we aren’t splitting up.

He said he wouldn’t look for a new relationship. First reason, he couldn’t be arsed. Second reason, it would be disruptive for DD to have new people in her life. He said that basically what he wants comes second, and he didn’t think her navigating a blended family just so he “could get laid” was worth it.

I was surprised by his response, as I’d assumed most men would get back in the game. AIBU?

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We’ve spoken of marriage and obviously living together.
A few weeks ago he told me he’s been looking for a house for all of us to share. I have a child and so does he.
At the moment I’m renting a flat and he owns his flat.
Anyway we we to visit a house last week and loved it he told me he wants to put an offer in.
‘I’m not sure what a fair split for bills would be he earns 7000 and I earn 1500 a month

On the one hand I’m super happy but also wary as the house will be in his name and rightly so but if we were to split up I would nothing and have to start all over again.

This is long as I’m trying not to drip feed

Daughter came home this weekend specifically asking for advice. I’ve said I need to think about it as I’ve got an idea of what I want to say but want to mull it over for a few days as her whole relationship is at stake

basically she has a massive mil problem (and a fil)

every time her and her finance suggest a venue for the wedding pil say oh that won’t work for grandmother (let’s call her Mabel)

Mabel is in her 80’s but so are dd grandparents plus they are significantly disabled. Her grandparents are prepared to travel anywhere for the wedding, they acknowledge it’s dd and fiancés decision. Mabel refuses to travel

His parents say oh it’s your choice but whenever he suggests a venue they say oh it’s not goi g to work

Dd & sil are paying for the wedding. Families live 7 hours apart. Someone’s got to travel so dd thinks they chose where they want and everyone travels. Sil is trying to keep everyone happy and is upsetting dd to the point t where if he doesn’t stand up to them she’s not sure they can be together

He hasn’t clicked that his parents will only be happy if they get married in their home town

everytime dd visits her mil pressurises them to look at houses nearby. My dd keeps batting her away but mil keeps putting pressure on him to move back

dd and sil live approx midway between the families

tgeres lots I could say about mil but she is a problem

right where I am

sil need to sod his parents and him and dd chose where they want. It’s up to their parents & Grandparents to be happy with their choice and accept travel is involved. If you’re not prepared to travel then u don’t attend

problem is sil has never had to stand up to parents and is trying to keep them happy

dd has found THE venue but he’s refused to visit as it won’t work for his parents as Mabel won’t travel

we need to make sil wake up & realise his parents will only accept their home town & my dd will not get married their - she doesn’t like the place! She as a compromise has said no to getting married in her home town

ive said she needs to tell sil, WE have a problem. Parents will only accept your home town and I’m not willing to get married there, that doesn’t work for me so how are WE going to resolve this so he doesn’t feel she’s making him chose between her and his parents - even though she is

briwnies if you’ve got this far. I’ll try and answer any questions. I e made sil sound weak. He’s actually a lovely guy who doesn’t want to upset his parents but hasn’t realised a) it’s home town or nothing and b) how upset dd is as his parents are controlling the narrative

it became clear at the engagement party they threw how much control they want (long story but my dh was spitting) For dd the penny has dropped. Sil just thinks they are just being interested and loving parents. We need to get him to realise they are trying to control them without destroying his relationship with them and dd isn’t prepared to be in a relationship with him and his parents

New thread for everyone. Welcome back and hello to newbies and lurkers.

Advent season has now officially kicked off despite the heatwaves. There's a dedicated thread for advent calendar discussion with spoilers here
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/5549187-beauty-fragrance-advent-calendars-infochat-2026-spoilers?page=1

Against my better judgement I agreed to a group holiday. Mixture of family and friends all know each other well. All have children ranging from baby-16

My BIL organised it but we all booked separately.

He sent a link to an all inclusive resort and that's what I and half of the group booked.

BIL and the half booked the same hotel but self catering.

It was £600 more for AI- which as we are here for 8 days works out as less than £20 per person per day (four of us)

First night was fine as we all went out for dinner but today has been hell.

We have had a pool day and my kids have been able to get snacks/drinks/etc as they like but to purchase it all is quite expensive.

We've just come back from dinner- which was 'free' for us but not for them and were told it wasn't fair if our kids used the AI.

I asked why they didn't book the AI and they said they didn't like AI- but they were at dinner having the same food as us.

I don't want to be say to our kids that they can't use the AI but equally don't want to fall out. I enquired how much it would cost to upgrade to AI and it was 2200€ per family.

Since I had my daughter in 2023 my health has declined rapidly.
my weight as steadily gone up to 14 stone (I’m 5 ft 3), my hair is thinning, I’ve been diagnosed wit adenomyosis, pelvic congestion syndrome, chronic tonsiltiis, I’m awaiting a tonsillectomy and a hysterectomy. That’s just the back story. I am waiting to see endocrinology in August and the lymphedema nurses for my leg swelling.
when my daughter was about 1, I rapidly lost 2 stone and was very poorly, my gp thought I had cancer. I had so many tests and nothing was ever found. Then I just started piling the weight on. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. I am so so active and have a very healthy diet. But my weight won’t stop increasing. I absolutely eat in a calorie deficit. I know it is something medical related but does anyone have any insight on what this could be? Up to now for my various symptoms I have seen 2 gastro doctors, vascular as my legs are very swollen, rheumatology as I had gout symptoms but it was arthritis, haematology for constant infections, weight loss in the beginning and swollen lymph nodes and ent for my tonsils. I also saw cardiology as I was having chest pain and shortness of breath. Everything from these doctors have been okay.
I am at breaking point

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/crl1gk55rzet

I first heard of him in Reilly: Ace of Spies and loved The Dish and The Hunt for Red October

Sad news.

I am looking for thoughts as am genuinely torn on this issue.

My husbands sibling has informed us they are getting married in 18 months time. We are delighted for them- their partner is lovely. The dilema is that they are planning the wedding in New Zealand. The entirety of my husbands family live in the UK, my soon to be SILs family are in NZ. The reason for having the wedding there is that the NZ family members would not be able to afford to travel here (or anywhere halfway).

AIBU to think it is a huge presumption that the UK contingent can all afford to go? Everyone who has been invited is ok money-wise as far as I know, but this will mean intense saving and no other holidays etc to allow us to attend. It will also mean using the vast majority of holiday days that we have for the year.

On the one hand I think we just get on with it, we are so happy for the couple. On the other - we are a family of four and will likely be paying more than the cost of the wedding to travel there / hotels etc and it is a bit much to expect?

My view has always been its an invite not a summons, and if you plan these sorts of trips you have to expect people may not be able to go. However it has quickly become obvious that there is a high level of expectation (and emotional guilt tripping) for those who have tentatively said it may be too much for them to do.

my son is soon 7 and was obsessed with Playmobil for years so he’s got a great collection, he would build amazing playsets with them along with the Magna tiles and Duplo blocks, however the last 2/3months he’s lost all interest in them and no longer takes himself off to play or set the up, he says there abit boring now, he tries but won’t last longer than 10mins , he’s not into Lego and never has been he says he dosnt like it, he’s not into any kind of toys and I feel like he’s too young, any tips or ideas ? We have his 7th birthday soon I was thinking of getting some crafty things but wanted some more ideas. He’s got trampoline, bikes, scooters, even a go kart 😂

My DD turned 3 in March and has been going to a day nursery (mornings only) since then.
She has a bag that she takes to nursery at the beginning of the week and brings home on a Friday (unless she needs her clothes changed then it will come home with us on the day the mess was made to refresh the change of clothes in there). Last week I found 3 toys from nursery which she had clearly put in there. Probably not an important detail, but they were all very small toys: a small fabric flower, a little wind up plastic boat and then something that looked like it came from a Kinder Surprise egg.

I asked how they got in the bag. She said she put it in there. She said she liked them. I explained it was wrong to take nursery's things and that she would not like it if someone came to her house and put her toy in their bag etc.

This morning I told her nursery teacher what happened and gave back the toys, and said I would keep an eye out if it happened again.

DH thinks I shouldn't have mentioned it and should have just returned it more discreetly. He doesn't want her to get in trouble or be discriminated against. I wanted to teach DD it's important to tell the truth.

What would you have done in my situation?

Many thanks in advance

I'm going to an event on Saturday booked ages ago. Me and friend A and friend B. Tickets were £38, friend A bought them and has the tickets, we all paid him ages ago.

Friend B can no longer go. She's a single mum with a tough life and her ex has announced he'll be on holiday, so she has no childcare. She's gutted not to be able to go, and knows the money is lost/spent. She said if we know of anyone who can use it to feel free to pass it on.

I bumped into a friend from way back I haven't seen in ages and mentioned we were going to this thing. He said he'd have loved to go. I said well actually there's a spare ticket.

That was a few weeks back and TBH I didn't really expect him to come, but he's just messaged saying he will and should he send me the money.

If it were my money, I'd say no, just glad to see it used and expect/hope he'd buy me a drink while we're out.

Friend B isn't expecting any cash, but I know she could use it. Would you ask him to pay (and pass it on, of course.)?

I wasn’t sure where to post this as it’s not really a relationship issue but more of a situation of clashing personalities, although I might be making this unnecessarily difficult for myself.

A good friend has had some difficult times and we thought it might not be a bad idea for her to join me and my partner for a long weekend on our holiday. It’s a location we go to often, so not a novel place, and my
partner was happy with this too.

The problem is that she has recently been diagnosed with a condition and since it’s early days she talks about it a lot. I don't mind it although sometimes she can be a bit much, but my partner has a very low tolerance towards this and I know that he will be losing patience quickly, and the last thing I want is for this to blow up because the two have opposing views. I know that this might sound ridiculous but he is pretty black and white and I’m worried that he will snap at her at some stage.

I have not told her about this because I don’t really know how to. I think it would be reasonable to suggest that we discuss this when it’s just the two of us together than all three, but I’m not sure if that will sound weird. Would this be weird if a friend suggested this to you?

So long story short, long weekend with 2 people who will absolutely disagree on a topic that will likely come up because it’s important to one of them. And yes, im
aware that this is a problem that I have created myself by not thinking it through.

As per the title, we moved in a few months ago. We’re a couple with one small dog, and next door is also a couple with 3 large dogs.

They have no control over the dogs at all. One in particular, can scale the fence and jump into our garden, 🤷🏻‍♀️ which he does on a regular basis. One of them is trying to dig a hole under the shared fence. They all bark constantly.

I’ve approached them and asked if they could do something about it, and the response was that the dogs are young and will settle down.

About 20 mins ago, one of their dogs got into our garden, came into the house as the back door was open, and ran amok barking, jumping and dragging dirt all over our new carpets. I was genuinely scared as was my small dog. 😞

I’m now sitting with the doors and windows closed, when I would like to be sitting in my garden.

What the hell can I do? I’m so pissed off.

Does anyone use these? I'm so overloaded at the moment and really struggling for inspiration for things to cook and also with meal planning.

I think the supermarkets used to have recipes and you could add ingredients to your basket but haven't seen that recently

So I'm looking at Mob but don't really want to sign up to an expensive app and think I'll get bored of it's recipes.

And then I think there are options where you can save other recipes.

Has anyone got any ideas?

We have recently moved into a rented property,
It’s a maisonette and we are downstairs. When we moved in we were told both the front and back gardens were ours. (I’ve checked again and defo ours)
The upstairs neighbour has so far put ladders on the lawn, cut things over the lawn and left bits in the grass, popped up ladders randomly in front of the downstairs windows in the garden, frequently walks past the windows to put things on the lawn (there is no reason to be in front of the windows it’s not on the road and it’s not a pathway to his front door) has mown half the lawn - not the other half as that had the random bits in it and clearly didn’t want to mow the missiles that would create. We have a strong suspicion they have entered the rear garden to wash their windows - being ground floor the back garden is where our bedroom windows are.
before I go round and ask him to give us a bit of privacy in our own home - I just want to check if I’m being unreasonable in feeling they need to ask.
They have seen me cutting the bushes, refilling bird feeders etc so it’s not like it’s a miscommunication. It’s just bothering me I have no real privacy.

Hi everyone,

First time poster, long time lurker. I am sorry, this will be a long one. I have put paragraphs in :)

I have been in a relationship with a 46 year old man for three years. I am in my mid 30s. So as not to drip feed, we are both only children who have both felt the pressure of parents who want grandchildren. Neither of us have children. We currently do not live together, although it was expected (by him) that I would move into his flat which is approximately 45 mins from my flat.

We decided to go through IVF after struggling to conceive. He insinuated for a long time that I was the issue here (e.g. calling me a ‘Jaffa’ as a ‘joke’), and it later transpired that he has a low sperm count. He is self employed and works from home all the time.

I fell pregnant on the first IVF cycle and am 10 weeks pregnant , which I am eternally thankful for. However, these are the issues I am having with my partner:

• His two bed flat is a complete state and dirty and there is nowhere for me to store any of my things or baby’s things. He uses the spare room as his office and it’s floor to ceiling with stuff. He tells me he will get around to sorting it all, and hasn’t. He blames this on ADHD but will not take medication or see a doctor.
• He frequently becomes overwhelmed with anxiety and has to go and stay with his parents, who I feel, indulge him. I cannot talk about anything that may cause him stress or is difficult to discuss.
• He seems to lack in ambition and organisation and will admit to either not doing any work all day or will lie in bed most of the day (which I have seen).
• He constantly says he has no money and makes suggestions that seem as though I will need to prop us up financially. He does not offer to help pay towards private scans or the medication I needed post IVF.
• Says he will not change nappies or attend a parenting course with me and his mum has backed him, saying ‘she just got on with it and his father never did it.’
• Struggles to make decisions and defers to me most of the time. He also lives in the far future and says I should be excited about us buying a house, which may be years away. He will not focus on the here and now situation with his flat.
• Wants continued sympathy and support for his anxiety, although won’t see a doctor, but says the anxiety is ‘not his fault’ and the state of his flat is ‘not his fault’. I do not currently live with him.
• Huffs off whenever I begin discussing anything that may be uncomfortable with him (the state of the flat, his oven is broken, his snoring) and says I have ‘ruined the day’.

I think I know what the answer is here, but my mum has asked me to move back in with her to have the baby, where they can have their own room and nursery. I am so grateful to have fallen pregnant and I saw them moving via a private scan yesterday. Today, it was like a lightbulb moment and I realised they can’t begin their life like this.

I am aware that I should have considered all this before falling pregnant, but he did not announce his issues at the start, and assured me that he would sort his flat out.

I would like to understand if I’m making the right or wrong decision for my baby in starting their life as a lone parent due to the above points (and more).

DB has had the same female best friend since he was 15. He’s 40 now. When he got married at 35 quite abruptly distanced himself from her.

This was awkward as we all know her and love her and she is at majority of family events/ celebrations etc.

It’s really clear that SIL detests her. She said she is really hurt by this that she feels she’s lost her best friend and doesn’t understand why etc etc . All of my family are saying how awful it is and really backing her up. To the point she is now taking about coercive control and worrying that DB is somehow being abused by SIL. Even talk of doing a Clare’s law on SIL or making a report of coercive control ?

DB and SIL don’t attend any events if she will be there. I’ve stopped inviting her to anything we host so that DB and SIL can come as they have dc and I think family comes first. This has now caused tension between me and other family members and the friend. It’s not ideal as I also got along well with her and have known her since I was 13.

I’ve spoken to DB and he says there’s no issue they just grew apart, have different values now and had opposing views on what the friendship was going forward, he said he found her too intense and that she upset SIL. SIL will only say she just doesn’t like or understand her and doesn’t want her as part of their lives.

DB has an ex wife and dc - SIL gets on extremely well with her. There’s regular contact with his dc and they get on well so this is not it seems in SIL nature to be jealous or overreact. I think there is a bigger issue with the friend that we don’t know about.

AIBU to ask other family to back off a little too and not keep inviting her to so many things and for DM to stop seeing her socially as it feel wrong and it’s pushing DB out ?

We are thinking of getting a rescue dog from Romania.
We have tried in this country to be told our fences too low and bungalow is not suitable to adopt.
Fences are 6ft so can't be made higher. Whether the charities are very fussy or what.
We lost our last rescue in January. We think he was about 16 and he had no problems.
It's a rescue we want not a puppy.
We are both retired. Both in very good health. We even have a back up if taken Ill etc our ds is willing to step up.

Anyone else did this. Have you any tips.

AIBU to feel like my holiday has been ruined before we’ve even gone?
My husband’s mum and her partner suggested that we all book a cottage in Wales together because they said they wanted to spend some proper time with us as a family.
We booked the cottage for me, my husband, our three children, his mum and her partner. It only sleeps seven, so it was booked for exactly the seven of us.
His mum has now invited another child to come for the whole holiday. Because the cottage only sleeps seven, her partner is now going to sleep in their camper van at night so that the child can take her place inside the cottage.
What makes this harder for me is that his mum and her partner don’t spend a huge amount of time with our three children. They already spend far more time with the child they have invited and are very close to her.
This holiday was their idea. They were the ones who said they wanted to go away with us and spend time with our family. I work full time and have very limited annual leave, so taking a week off is a big thing for me. It now feels as though I’m using that precious time on a holiday that has been completely changed from what I agreed to.
I had already made it clear that I didn’t want anyone else coming. I had also specifically spoken about our last family camping trip and how badly that went.
On that trip, several adults essentially dropped their children at the campsite and then went off to enjoy a relaxing week themselves. The children were left crammed into everybody else’s tents and camper vans, and the adults who had actually stayed at the campsite ended up looking after them all.
I had already said I did not want to be put in that position again. I had that conversation only weeks before this happened, which is partly why I feel so ignored.
The child was asked if she wanted to come and initially said no. I thought that should have been the end of it. Instead, it was brought up again, and she eventually agreed. His mum and partner now feels guilty and wishes they didn’t invite her but it’s done now.
I even suggested that they could simply explain that they had spoken to me and, because of my health and everything that has happened recently, I really needed the holiday to be focused on spending time with my own children. They chose not to do that.
I have PoTS and reactive hypoglycaemia and struggle with dizziness, blackouts, weakness, fatigue and my heart rate shooting up when I stand.
More recently, I was taken into hospital with stroke-like symptoms, including slurred speech, numbness and weakness down one side. Thankfully, a stroke was ruled out, but I’m still experiencing weakness in my arm and leg and problems with my speech at times. I’m now waiting for neurological investigations and neuro physiotherapy.
After such a frightening and exhausting time, I genuinely needed this break. I wanted to use my limited time away from work to spend time with my husband and children, and I hoped the children would finally get some proper time with their grandparents too.
Instead, I now feel as though the focus will mainly be on the child they have invited, because she is the child they already spend the most time with. They have changed the sleeping arrangements and moved one of the original adults out of the cottage to make sure she can come.
It isn’t that I dislike the child, because I don’t, and none of this is her fault. My issue is entirely with the adults. They invited another child onto a holiday that was already full, despite knowing I didn’t want anyone else coming and despite the fact that this was supposed to be their opportunity to spend time with us and our children.
I’m also worried that I’ll end up helping to look after her. If she becomes upset, plays up, wants to go home or needs lots of attention, it will affect the entire holiday. If there are any major problems, her mum will need to come and collect her. I cannot take responsibility for another child while managing my health and looking after my own three.
I feel like I have no choice but to go, put a smile on my face and make sure my children have a lovely time. They’ve been looking forward to it and would be devastated if we cancelled. It wouldn’t be fair for them to lose their holiday because of a decision they had no part in.
But for me, it no longer feels like the holiday I agreed to use my annual leave for. I’m not looking forward to it anymore. It feels like a waste of the very limited time I get off work, and I feel resentful, anxious and hurt that the one boundary I clearly set was ignored.
I’ve decided that after this I won’t agree to any more family holidays, camping trips or similar gatherings, because I don’t trust that the same thing wouldn’t happen again.
AIBU to feel this was unfair, particularly when the holiday was their idea because they claimed they wanted to spend time with us and our children?