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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

233 replies

Weejayy · Yesterday 20:27

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

OP posts:
RudolphTheReindeer · Yesterday 20:30

Sorry op, I clicked yabu as I tried to scroll and can't change it. i actually think Yanbu.

ToddlerHostage · Yesterday 20:30

He’s definitely off sowing his wild overnight oats.

Pinkflamingo10 · Yesterday 20:32

Sorry but he didn’t tell you straight because they’re 100% having an affair

TheClocksFast · Yesterday 20:33

That didn’t take him long.

MouldEight · Yesterday 20:33

ToddlerHostage · Yesterday 20:30

He’s definitely off sowing his wild overnight oats.

If he was, would Cathy have told OP about them?

superspideysense · Yesterday 20:34

Sounds very dodgy. Sorry OP.

how long have you known Cathy??

TheBlueKoala · Yesterday 20:34

Sorry but this sounds really bad..

AnonymityAnonymity · Yesterday 20:35

He was quick off the mark to make his move after she broke up with her previous partner OP.

blubberyboo · Yesterday 20:35

What’s the bet he will soon switch off his location in future as his signal is faulty or some shit

overnightangel · Yesterday 20:37

Guilty as sin

Weejayy · Yesterday 20:37

superspideysense · Yesterday 20:34

Sounds very dodgy. Sorry OP.

how long have you known Cathy??

I think I’ve known her five years. She’s genuinely a lovely person and I’m struggling to wrap my head around her having anything to do with a married man. Though I do think this whole thing is weird.

OP posts:
Nousernameideaaga · Yesterday 20:37

Trust your gut

60degreecycle · Yesterday 20:37

His overnight oats must be pretty good. Having to pull that out of him with several questions is odd, you're not being unreasonable, I'd be on full alert and I'm pretty relaxed about this stuff.

Lying by omission is a thing.

Cherrysoup · Yesterday 20:38

I think I’d be asking her wtaf he was doing there at the crack of dawn and watch her face. Very odd. If my Dh did that, he’d be getting a big row for not being up front about where he’d been. Most dodgy.

ToddlerHostage · Yesterday 20:39

MouldEight · Yesterday 20:33

If he was, would Cathy have told OP about them?

I think we all know diet and fitness bores. It’s the equivalent of Cathy posting her 6am Hyrox training.

UpDownAllAround1 · Yesterday 20:40

So what has he said over the weekend about this?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · Yesterday 20:42

Overnight oats are a weird break up gift.

TheLambtonWorm · Yesterday 20:43

Maybe Cathy is a lovely person but loneliness and grief can do funny things to a person. She could just be using him for some company but isn't interested in him. Maybe your husband is also just being a creepy bastard and pushing his luck and she.doesnt actually want him sniffing around?

Did you carry on the conversation when he finally returned from his "run"?

superspideysense · Yesterday 20:44

Weejayy · Yesterday 20:37

I think I’ve known her five years. She’s genuinely a lovely person and I’m struggling to wrap my head around her having anything to do with a married man. Though I do think this whole thing is weird.

Would you feel comfortable asking her?!

DeeNiall · Yesterday 20:47

Damsel in distress. At best it's an emotional affair but the jogging is probably horizontal.

Weejayy · Yesterday 20:48

superspideysense · Yesterday 20:44

Would you feel comfortable asking her?!

I thought pretty hard about asking her. Fundamentally, she’s not the one being secretive about this and really this is my husband’s mess.

i don’t know if it’s a bit of an awkward / insulting thing to ask a friend. And she’s already going through her break up. I don’t know - should I ask her?

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · Yesterday 20:49

Just ask her.

NameChangeAgain48 · Yesterday 20:49

Its a shame that you showed you hand. I woukd have asked where he was said nothing and tracked him more.

WhatYouWearing · Yesterday 20:49

AnonymityAnonymity · Yesterday 20:35

He was quick off the mark to make his move after she broke up with her previous partner OP.

Was he though? Or has something been going on a while, I wonder.

I’m sorry OP, it doesn’t look good.

Nousernameideaaga · Yesterday 20:49

Weejayy · Yesterday 20:48

I thought pretty hard about asking her. Fundamentally, she’s not the one being secretive about this and really this is my husband’s mess.

i don’t know if it’s a bit of an awkward / insulting thing to ask a friend. And she’s already going through her break up. I don’t know - should I ask her?

Yes. But face to face