Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

You shouldnt

It's his business

I would

I wouldn’t unless I had to explain why I quit work

Given that we live abroad on the other side of the world and came back to visit family and all of my side have been utterly shit and not responded to attempts to organise anything at all before we fly out, they can currently get to fuck tbh. I would probably tell the PILs though.

No. I would tell my DH, but keep the rest to myself. Depending on the amount I would do things quietly, like pay off my brother’s mortgage or SILs mortgage. Pay for my dad to been seen at the hospital privately. Pay for private health care for myself.
But I wouldn’t come outright and tell them. I would just do things that benefit myself, my family and my in-laws as much as possible without letting on.

Not until I’d had it for 2+ years and really thought through all the consequences and what I wanted to do with it. That might mean I never told anyone. (Obvs if someone needed money for health or a home, I’d answer differently).

It depends. I generally wouldn’t but if a familiar member was struggling I’d want to help them out - but I would probably say it was a work bonus and hope that there were no questions about how much.

Don't tell them if you don't wish to share any of it.

I would, but then I’d be passing much of it on to dds anyway.

No. Tell no one. It’s would probably only cause resentment anyway.

I wouldn’t. When my sister knew I had money she suddenly couldn’t afford to make ends meet and was struggling, then spent my money on luxury gifts for her friends and left me to pay it all off. Sometimes inheritance brings out the worst in other people who feel entitled to some of it.

I wouldn't, it's his business.
His view trumps yours in this situation.

Depends. If it will completely change the way you live life, then yes. If it’s a big chunk but ultimately you’ll stay in the same house and live pretty similarly to before, no I wouldn’t.
Either way no one needs to know the specifics, the amount or what you’ll do with it.
I don’t like knowing other peoples financial matters, or others knowing mine because it’s quite a private thing imo.

It depends, firstly it's his decision not yours. Then will it change family dynamics, will people be jealous or expect share, it really depends what your family are like. I might say he got something but minimise the amount, so it's not a total secret but reduce any expectations from family.

I'm assuming life-changingly big as in "mortgage paid off fully, can retire early/go part time" not "reduce debts, we'll have money to buy a nice car and go on a few more holidays." In which case, yes, I would because a) because I'd like to be honest with them about why my lifestyle was changing, and b) because I'd look to share the benefits with them e.g. paying for family holidays, helping DNiece out with university, pay a chunk of DB and DSILs mortgage.

I've always thought that if I won Euromillions DP, DPIL, and DB would be the only people I would definitely tell.

Whoever inherited the money makes the decision. The other one can pipe down with their opinions.

Inheritance is incredibly sensitive and money in no way makes up for loss. The last thing a (good) partner should do is discuss someone else's losses and subsequent financial gain with unrelated people (i.e. you discussing with your sister or brother or parents), particularly given how often those unrelated people seem to try and squeeze money out of people.

No I wouldn't. I'd try to find small ways to help subtly where I could but I certainly wouldn't be advertising it.

Depends whether I think they’ll start trying to guilt me into giving it all to them

It would be the decision of whoever inherited it. But if you were going to visibly splash out people would wonder, and you’d have to have some explanation. If your lifestyle didn’t change much it would be easier to hide.

I probably wouldn't tell, no. Best kept private, imo.

I'm not sure you could ever be able to keep quiet, when you've suddenly got a brand new top of the range car, or going on countless foreign holidays which you never did before. You'd have to say something surely?

I would personally be comfortable telling certain family members, but not others.

Wealth disparity can, does, create a seismic shift in the dynamics of a relationship. People you think would be happy for you, can resent you. They can feel entitled to what you have and expect you to give it, whilst simultaneously hating you for having it. I’ve seen people learn this lesson the hard way, and it’s a very painful lesson to learn.

If your DH doesn’t want you to tell anyone, don’t.

No, I wouldn't. That's assuming it's an amount you can hide and not new mansion/ferrari/yacht type of money.

I plan to win big on either postcode lottery or premium bonds but would prefer the latter so that no-one can find out!

If there was someone I really wantd to help, I'd say I got a work bonus or maybe admit to winning/inheriting a lower amount in order to explain a gift.

Money is just not something discussed on our family. We'll share good news of a promotion or premium bond win, but no one would ever ask how much.

So, I might mention DH had received an unexpected inheritance from great aunt Mable, but no one would expect to be told how much.

In my 56 years no one in my family has ever asked for a loan or financial assistance either, although I think in the kind of dire sraights which would lead to one of us asking, help would be given as necessary.