Fair way to split bills when moving into partner’s house?

[Cherry40]

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We’ve spoken of marriage and obviously living together.
A few weeks ago he told me he’s been looking for a house for all of us to share. I have a child and so does he.
At the moment I’m renting a flat and he owns his flat.
Anyway we we to visit a house last week and loved it he told me he wants to put an offer in.
‘I’m not sure what a fair split for bills would be he earns 7000 and I earn 1500 a month

On the one hand I’m super happy but also wary as the house will be in his name and rightly so but if we were to split up I would nothing and have to start all over again.

Why don't you get married and he puts you on the deeds? This would protect your interests.

I’d be very cautious. What age are the children and what are the contact arrangements with their other parents?
How many bedrooms are there?

Yes we’ve spoken of that but he’s going to buy the house in the next few weeks and I’m pretty sure hell ask me to marry him by the end of the year

4 bedrooms and its shared custody

why will the new house be in his sole name? If you break up you won't be entitled to a share of it if it's all in his name.

So each child will be there 50/50.
Do they get on well?

I don’t have any money to put towards the house

Yes

And have you had discussions about the disparity in income ?

Can’t he ringfence the deposit/ amount he’s putting into the house and then you’re put on the deeds? Then you each pay a % of your wages going forward so it’s based on your earnings. If you’re planning on getting married anyway this offers you more protection. I wouldn’t be moving my child into a house where I could be kicked out at any given moment.

You will be in a very precarious position. You will be homeless if you split up and so will your child. He is a lot better off than you are So I suppose you will expect him to pay most of the bills. I don't think I'd put myself in a position to be such an underdog in a partnership.

Please don't leave yourself financially vulnerable , the house needs to be in both names , if he is looking at spending the rest of his life with you, why hasn't he suggested a joint mortgage?

I wouldn't move in with him to be honest. The first reason would be that you've both got kids and blended families never really work. The second reason, as mentioned previously, is that if you split up you'll be homeless!

He won't ask you to marry him once he has that house and you in it! People usually marry their financial equal - that's one of the primary reasons for marriage! Don't believe me? Ask if you can get married BEFORE he buys the house. His answer will tell you everything you need to know.

You don't need to have any money to put towards the house. It can be in joint names anyway, regardless of who puts what towards it.

Seeing as you are already renting, yes it will be awkward if you split but you would just have to go back to that. It’s not too much of a loss - ie. As opposed to if you were selling somewhere. Just make sure you have enough savings to cover a deposit and 1st months rent should you ever need it.

What has he said about splitting household bills % wise?

Rule of thumb is that you should BOTH benefit from moving in together. So in a case like this, if the house will cost him x per month plus bills, I would absolutely expect you to pay your share of bills and a contribution as "rent" but it ONLY works if this is lower than what you are currently paying and any excess can then be used for you to save towards your own place or assets.

If moving in with him you are financially in the same position or, even more so, if you are financially less well off, then no, it does not work out at all unless you get equity in his house.

If you are on a low income, do you get benefits? Will those disappear if you move in with him?

We had a similar disparity in income when I moved in with DP (now DH). We set to a joint account to cover bills and food which we each paid into. He paid out of his own account for the mortgage and also for expenditure on the house (basically anything a landlord would cover if you were renting), on the grounds that it was his asset.

Don't think I agree with the people telling you to marry first - marriage isn't just about money, it's about living together long term. So it's entirely sensible to live together a while first before you marry, especially when you have children and need to know that you can make it work as a blended family. We got engaged after a year of living together, married after two. Once you're married you'd have a claim on the house if you split up anyway. Before that, you've nothing lost financially if you were previously renting.

This makes me so (irrationally maybe) angry.

You are an adult. You have a child who is relying on you to make sensible and responsible decisions. You don't wait to be asked to get married. You sit down with your partner and have a proper adult discussion.

Marriage is as big a decision as buying a house. It's a huge legal and financial commitment. Would you wait for an estate to come and ask if you want to buy a house? No, you make your own assessment and take your own action.

If you want to marry the man you tell him that you need to be married and on the deeds before moving in with him. If you don't want to marry him then tell him that. Make the decision for yourself and stop being so passive.

You need this discussion first before any moving in

you need to put to him

1. i need to be out on the deeds of the new house (tell him your reason, your giving up your home. If anything down the line happens, your homeless
2. He can ring fence his deposit by doing

tenants in common . You don’t need deposit

Do not go if he says NO to the above

If he’s happy to put you on mortgage then obviously he earns 7k a mth ?? You £1500
Thats a massive difference, so I’d say you need to do a % of your incomes . You can’t possibly match the family pot 50/50 you’d have nothing left and he’d have £££

You definitely need this chat , and please don’t accept, oh you’ll be fine I will see to it
No No

Even a will can be changed at anytime without you having any knowledge of it being done
So don’t take - I will put you in my will

And if he doesn't?

What is your housing situation now?
Are you giving up a good deal?
Are you sure about marriage?
If you move in, what would be the rush for him?
Sadly I am very suspicious and have read of too many women making awful mistakes.
You have a child.
Housing security should be your priority.

You need to move very slowly.
He has plenty of money.
Are you really sure he wants to marry you and not just live together?
If he changes his mind and you have moved your child in, what can you do?
You will be stuck.

Your child deserves better than uncertainty.

.

You should pay bills according to % earnings, so if he pays 700 you pay 150. He pays for mortgage and all house repairs ... it's his house. You save yoyr rental money and buy a property in the future.

You're a couple - you should be buying a house in both your names. He can ring fence his deposit but I would not move in unless you are both on the deeds. He can kick you out anytime he likes, even if you spent money making his house and his garden nice. Think very carefully.

I would carry on dating him but not move in together until you are married.