I have come to the realisation my husband hates me

[idontknowwhattodonow26]

For context, I am in my 30s, we have been married for 2 years. I have 3 children and am 31 weeks pregnant with our fourth (unplanned but after a traumatic miscarriage last year we decided to go ahead). Our relationship hasn't been great for a while probably but I put it down to the stress of having young children and a lot on our plates, moving house stress etc.
However, during this pregnancy I have realised my husband doesn't love me. In fact. He hates me. The way he speaks to me now is awful, constantly talking at me and calling me names. He pushed me over last week when we were arguing about something and I am still bruised and in pain. I have spent the weekend decorating, up a ladder, doing things to sort stuff for the kids and the new baby when it arrives. He did the bare minimum but wants to take credit for everything. I am exhausted, he keeps me awake at night on purpose. He hasn't slept in our bed for months now bevause he says I disturb him in the night but then he will barge in the room all night long asking why im making noises, what am I doing etc. I am so tired I cant think straight. I am in so much pain with sciatica and other issues. We dont have a car at the minute so the school run is (usually) a 30 minute walk. I was that sore this morning it took me an hour to walk back home after doing the school run. All I wanted to do was get in bed but my husband decided to walk out and leave me with the 2 younger ones so I couldn't go to bed. Now its almost time to leave for the school run and I honestly am sat here crying thinking about how awful its going to be.
I wish id never met him, had children with him
He makes me feel like I dont even exist, like im not a person. I have no friends or family. I am so alone and frightened and I know I wouldn't be able to cope by myself with a newborn after a c section and 3 young children with the school run and everything else. I cant see any way of this getting better. He despises me.
The way he looks at me, talks down to me, the things he says are pure evil. I am convinced he has had children with me purely to trap me and keep me in a state of vulnerability (pregnancy, post partum etc) and I feel so stupid that I didn't wise up to this sooner. I actually had an appointment to discuss a termination of this pregnancy and he talked me out of it and begged and said all the right things and after the miscarriage it felt so wrong and now I am trapped and its too late.
If it wasn't for my children I would walk off somewhere and never come back. I have no money, no support system. Nothing. The younger ones sleep routine is atrocious because he stays up late with them at night and its a vicious cycle as if I try and fix it, we get a couple of good nights then it all goes to pot again.
I want to sleep. I want to not be in pain. I want to be free. But I know that I cant because I dont have any help. If I involved the police or any DV charities etc it would all blow up but then realistically id be left as a single mum to 4 children completely alone.
I dont know what the point of this post is but yeah. My husband despises me and I dont know why or what I have done but its killing me

I hope your midwife appointment goes ok and that you are able to confide in her .

I think you do need practical support and that is good that you have got in contact with your god mother .
I think you are very vulnerable just now and that you might see any support from your ex as better than nothing . But this puts you back in an even more vulnerable position. You have made a very tough decision for all the right reasons . Remind yourself how horrible he was to you , disrupting your sleep at such a stage in your pregnancy really shows how cruel he is .

I think your ex may be bothered about how he is portrayed to others and this may motivate him to reach out . Not many people would treat their pregnant wife and 3 kids in such a way . He may be bothered that others will judge him for the relationship breaking down when you and the kids are so vulnerable .

I totally understand how overwhelming life will feel for you , but can you try and think I can manage to do one thing today - unless the midwife has started the ball rolling for you with support .

I would also stress that social work should not be feared . They want to keep families together and support those that need it . You sound like a really lovely mum who has done her best for her family whilst in a very difficult situation .
Continue to keep yourself and your family safe and think of your own physical and emotional needs .
Take care - continue to post only if it is helping you . You do not owe anyone any updates .

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I spoke to the safeguarding lead at school today. I was late taking eldest (only by about 20 minutes) but I got really upset and had a bit of a cry outside the school gate, my MIL phoned me and was an absolute twat so they heard and called me back in.
She was absolutely lovely and a massive help, she is going to speak to children's services about some additional support like a family worker, and they said I might be late but im getting them there and doing what needs to be done at home with reading and homework etc so that's the important part. They have offered some free sessions of breakfast and after school club so I can choose a couple of days a week when I need some more time which is really kind of them and a big help that I will definitely utilise especially on days with appointments etc.
I definitely feel better now people are aware of the situation and I felt like an absolute failure for not getting to school on time but now they know why, its not just that I cant be arsed in the mornings or anything else, im struggling.
So as daunting as it has been to reach out to people, now it is done I feel a bit of a weight has been lifted and less to deal with all at once on my own

Well done OP. People are there for you and they want to help you, and will, but you need to engage with them and let them know exactly what is going on for you. Keep going, you can do this, one step at a time.

Proud of you OP. It's not easy to make that first step to reach out for help. I'm glad school were supportive and offered you some assistance.

I'm glad you're getting support from school and outside care, too.
Please don't ever feel like a failure.
You're far from it.
One day you'll look back and realise how strong you actually are and be proud of that.
Yes, it's hard right now, but you're worth so much more than the way he has treated you.
Just you and your children, nothing else matters.
Keep strong and don't let him or his mother upset you anymore x

That's great OP, and we'll done for reaching out to people for help! Wishing good things for your and your children's future 🙏 ✨️ 💕

Well done op. Wicked mil is probably upset now her son is her problem again

I’m so proud of you too! Well done, the hardest part is the initial opening up and disclosing. Keep going, with support you can get through this xx

Well done op. People will help you and what a great school immediately stepping up and supporting you. Keep reaching out to the safeguarding lead. And tell all to your midwife.

You are doing so well for yourself and your kids
I don't have any experience of this but I have seen people talk about parenting communication apps on other threads - I wonder if you could make that your only method of communicating with your ex moving forwards, it might stop him being so vile to you because it would all be recorded? Def block his mum, if she hasn't got anything useful or supportive to say then you don't need to hear from her.
I'm so sorry. It must be really hard, but talking to school was a great step and hopefully once you have a bit of breathing room and some better sleep you'll start to feel stronger. Hang in there xx

@idontknowwhattodonow26 Also proud of you.
That must have felt like a huge step.
the free afterschool sessions are a brilliant idea, that give you an extra bit of leeway.
It won't always be like this, you will get in to your stride, especially as your abuser will be out of the picture.

Mute the MIL too and don't answer any more calls. Let her text.. and screenshot as evidence. She sounds as awful as her rotten son, berating a pregnant woman like that. She would have known it was school gate time too.

Its so good you've made contact with such a kind safeguarding person..it was nice of her to point out that you are doing a good job with the children's homework and reading. That's someone you can go to again for help or advice.

I hope you also have a good appointment with your midwife.
Ask her if you can have access to patient transport if you have any other appointments.
Step by step x

Step by step op. You are getting there. Keep a note of where you are and what you do each day. You’ve come a long way already! Godmother, school, kicked him out. You can do it. All the best.

Hope that if you are still reading, you are doing ok x