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Relationships

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Found sex toys in husbands bag

69 replies

BugseyMalone · Today 17:53

I think I know what people are going to say, but I have no one else to talk to about this.
a couple of days ago, I found some sex toys, lube and a blindfold in my husbands bag. Yes, I was snooping. I have a history of not trusting him- he had an affair 14 years ago, and my spidey senses have always been on high alert. I was finding his viagra was going missing, and alarm bells tarted ringing. He had to go away for the night due to work, so before he packed his clothes, I checked his bag and have found the stuff. He has not liked me looking through his stuff before and gets really annoyed with me (and takes the moral high ground) if he thinks I’ve gone through his stuff- which I don’t do often. So, I don’t tell him that I saw all these things. I asked him straight out if he was having an affair. He said no. I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else, and he said no. He asked me where all the questions had come from and I just said that I ‘had a feeling’ as viagra was going missing. I got some crap about it being in another room. He seems to think that I’m feeling neglected and says that he wants to spend more time with me and that we should do more things without the kids etc. But this is not the case. He’s not home til late tonight, but I think I’m going to have to come clean and tell him that I looked in his bag, and give him a chance to explain. I’m so confused and upset. We never get a chance to talk properly because he works late or we have the kids around. I want to speak frankly tonight, but I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to. I think I’m going to go mad if I hold all this in though.

OP posts:
Hatty65 · Today 17:55

This is so revolting that I'd just tell him I was done and file for divorce.

There isn't really a conversation to be had with a twat like this. Or any moral high ground for him to take.

whippersnapper55 · Today 18:34

Oh come on now OP - you know what he's up to, he's done it before! What reasonable explanation is there? I'd skip the conversation and start getting your ducks in a row. Don't give him the heads up that you know.

TheThingOnTheIce · Today 18:37

What other explanation is there ?

Littlebundledueinsummer26 · Today 18:38

Pack his bags and wave his disgusting cheating ass goodbye!

NerrSnerr · Today 18:38

Why do you care if he finds out you’ve been snooping? Surely the relationship is over?

NerrSnerr · Today 18:39

There’s no explaining out of this. He’s clearly having an affair or having casual sec with others.

omghereistrouble · Today 18:40

Solicitor file for divorce
Bin bags put his clothes in by the door
Change the locks

OneNewEagle · Today 18:41

Well I would have just told him there and then.

But as you didn’t say you were checking he had clean underwear and socks packed as you were just putting the clean clothes away. I do that for my DP’s work bag, I put it on the top just in case he’s forgotten. Certainly not snooping and better than not having boxers.

Coralsunset · Today 18:41

I wouldn’t bother confronting him either. Just tell him that the marriage is over and get legal advice.

Good luck.

GimmieABreakOr3 · Today 18:43

You take his bags and belongings, and you chuck them out the window. Job done.

Pickledonions12 · Today 18:54

"Give him a chance to explain"

You mean give him yet another opportunity to gaslight you. Which you'll fall for and nothing will change

See a solicitor

Start divorce proceedings

Hes disgusting

TheThingOnTheIce · Today 19:01

How can he possibly explain this though op? What do you think he will say ?

AMurderofMurderingCrows · Today 19:11

I can imagine the 'explanation'... I like getting a stiffy, blindfolding myself and using sex toys on my own 🙄

TheThingOnTheIce · Today 19:13

AMurderofMurderingCrows · Today 19:11

I can imagine the 'explanation'... I like getting a stiffy, blindfolding myself and using sex toys on my own 🙄

Either that or ‘I wanted to us to use them together and was building up the courage to broach it with you ‘

that was the excuse I got from my ex when I found the USED bondage tape amongst other such stuff

Besidemyselfwithworry · Today 19:16

Littlebundledueinsummer26 · Today 18:38

Pack his bags and wave his disgusting cheating ass goodbye!

This!
you deserve better

Sodthesystem · Today 19:21

No point confronting him. He will only lie and make out you are crazy.

Speak to a solicitor about what you need for a favourable divorce and start making plans. Don’t tell him anything till you are ready to start making moves.

Make sure you have access to your own money in an account of your own before saying anything btw. Not a joint access account.

PinkyBrain290 · Today 19:49

He may not be having a full blown affair but he is absolutely sleeping within someone. Im ashamed to admit I was sleeping with a married man every time we went away for work. His poor wife had absolutely no idea I existed. He told me he wasn't with anyone. After a bit of snooping it turns out he very much had a family, but I didn't care for selfish reasons. We lived 3 hours apart and if he was in my area, we'd hook up. If I was in his area, we'd hook up. It happens. I'm not excusing it. Good luck OP. If it makes you feel better they always run back to their wives. My "DH" had an affair 9 years ago and came back with his tail between his legs.

Nurseposter123 · Today 19:54

He's cheating.
Either an affair or sex worker on a work trip.

Confront him and end it.

REPEAT AFTER ME:

YOU DESERVE BETTER
YOU DESERVE BETTER
YOU DESERVE BETTER
YOU DESERVE BETTER
YOU DESERVE BETTER

Namechangedforthiswon · Today 19:56

He’s probably sleeping with someone else.

However , you can’t just chuck him out of the marital home like most have suggested and you certainly can’t go changing the locks!

if it’s jointly owned, which is almost certainly is, OP will be liable for 50% of all bills and mortgage payments ( if there is one )

it’s never as black and white as most see it on MN.

Naurrr · Today 20:09

He'll enjoy the attention of you asking him and getting emotional. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Tell him you don't find him attractive anymore, so will be divorcing.

You'll have a more productive evening filling in the form online, and order STD test for yourself, don't waste any more breath on the shagger.

Planesmistakenforstars · Today 20:09

I can save you the time of listening to him explain if you like?

Blindfold - he uses it as a sleep mask (this is a lie)

Lube - he uses it to wank (this is a lie)

Sex toys - he bought them for you, but now you've gone and ruined it (this is a lie)

Save yourself the trouble and don't listen to his lies.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · Today 20:10

TheThingOnTheIce · Today 19:13

Either that or ‘I wanted to us to use them together and was building up the courage to broach it with you ‘

that was the excuse I got from my ex when I found the USED bondage tape amongst other such stuff

Uggghhhh they are just disgusting and must think we're all stupid 🙄

I'm so sorry that happened to you ❤️

DurinsBane · Today 20:11

Are they toys he could use on himself? While blindfolding himself?

BugseyMalone · Today 20:18

DurinsBane · Today 20:11

Are they toys he could use on himself? While blindfolding himself?

To be honest with you- I’m a bit dim when it comes to sex toys, but even I know what the lemon shaped thing is that sucks a clit does. Probably not for him.

OP posts:
ExplodingSmittens · Today 20:23

I’m not sure what other explanation there could be? Do you really want to talk to him tonight? Can you have a think about it overnight and then decide how you want to proceed?

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