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Relationships

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Found sex toys in husbands bag

224 replies

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 17:53

I think I know what people are going to say, but I have no one else to talk to about this.
a couple of days ago, I found some sex toys, lube and a blindfold in my husbands bag. Yes, I was snooping. I have a history of not trusting him- he had an affair 14 years ago, and my spidey senses have always been on high alert. I was finding his viagra was going missing, and alarm bells tarted ringing. He had to go away for the night due to work, so before he packed his clothes, I checked his bag and have found the stuff. He has not liked me looking through his stuff before and gets really annoyed with me (and takes the moral high ground) if he thinks I’ve gone through his stuff- which I don’t do often. So, I don’t tell him that I saw all these things. I asked him straight out if he was having an affair. He said no. I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else, and he said no. He asked me where all the questions had come from and I just said that I ‘had a feeling’ as viagra was going missing. I got some crap about it being in another room. He seems to think that I’m feeling neglected and says that he wants to spend more time with me and that we should do more things without the kids etc. But this is not the case. He’s not home til late tonight, but I think I’m going to have to come clean and tell him that I looked in his bag, and give him a chance to explain. I’m so confused and upset. We never get a chance to talk properly because he works late or we have the kids around. I want to speak frankly tonight, but I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to. I think I’m going to go mad if I hold all this in though.

OP posts:
MeganM3 · 15/07/2026 00:10

You know he’s lying. You know what he’s up to. You said it yourself that you intuition was telling you. Of course he absolutely did not buy sex toys to use with you and pack them in his overnight bag for a work trip. Don’t be silly.

If sex outside the marriage and affairs are a deal breaker for you then you start the separation proceedings. You have your evidence, you know what’s going on, there’s nothing else coming that you need to wait for.
If you want to turn a blind eye and let it go, that’s fair - but he is having sex with someone else.

Dumbledore167 · 15/07/2026 00:11

Certainly sounds like bollocks.

You have never used such items and he spends loads of £ on multiple things then throws them away without discussion?
They were not in the boxes (as evidence of being unused)?
Just happened to be in overnight work bag?
No offer to show debit/credit card entries/email receipts to show when they purchased?

Boreded · 15/07/2026 00:14

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

Yes of course you are…come on

Beautifulscribbles · 15/07/2026 00:16

You do know the truth OP. Just listen to your gut. Your life doesn't have to be like this. Raise your standards for yourself and your kids. You can have a much happier life without the emotional drain of such an arsehole who is taking the absolute piss out of you. No respect. Please respect yourself.

IndigoBrave · 15/07/2026 00:25

Ask for a receipt for the purchases. If he bought them months ago there’s no way it was for you. Not that I believe they are anyway

Booboobagins · 15/07/2026 00:44

For your own safety, just pack his stuff put it outside, change locks and don't be home when he gets back. There is no reason for him to have this stuff in his bag. You deserve better.

Gooseling · 15/07/2026 00:48

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

Gaslighting would be him trying to make you feel crazy, and turn the situation round on you. Is he making you feel crazy and doubting yourself? If so, yes, he’s trying gaslight you.

Of course he didn’t buy those things for you. They’re for someone else, and that someone else received them when he left the house.

He cottoned on that you were suspicious when you mentioned the missing viagra. So obviously he thinks by telling you they were for you will get him off the hook. Because men are fucking stupid.

Please don’t believe his bullshit.

A leopard never changed its spots.

Get legal advice. ASAP. I’m so sorry.

Sunseaandtea · 15/07/2026 00:54

Dreadful.

I'd add though, there is no such thing as snooping in a marriage or at least there shouldn't be.

NoLifeguardOnDuty · 15/07/2026 00:58

He's full of shit. Why else would viagra go missing and sex toys appear in his bag.
Sorry, I feel so blunt saying that but I can't think of another explanation.

If he bought sex toys to give you, why would be take them out of the wrapping and stuff them into a work bag?!

How old is he? You mentioned you have kids.

PunnyPlumPanda · 15/07/2026 01:09

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

Yup

so hes Saying he brought all of theee for you? And some of these toys can cost hundreds of pounds

then threw them away? Without even telling you? Because why?

that’s a really shit lie….

please tell me you can see how fucking horrific a lie that is….

truer your gut. As a woman we’re rarely wrong.

I tell patients all the time. Trust your gut..

PunnyPlumPanda · 15/07/2026 01:11

Happyjoe · 14/07/2026 23:36

I just couldn't live like this, always worrying, always at the back of my mind. OP, you deserve more than to live a life like this surely?

This!

if there’s not 100% trust then there is no point

you deserve so much better

Piknik · 15/07/2026 01:13

Seriously OP - think about this. Can you imagine ANY scenario where you spend £100 or so on sex toys for your DH, unpackage them, pack them into a bag that you were using on a night AWAY from your DH, then - before you've even mentioned them, just throw them away...? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!

It's actually pathetic that he thinks you would fall for this.

They were bought to use on his night away and have been left with his lover or at the hotel they stayed at.

Lies and more lies, on top of cheating.

Please be your own advocate and get rid of this lying, cheating, predictably pathetic excuse for a husband. You were given a warning 14 years ago and there is a good chance he's cheated in the run up and now he's doing it again.

You
Deserve
More

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 15/07/2026 01:21

Piknik · 15/07/2026 01:13

Seriously OP - think about this. Can you imagine ANY scenario where you spend £100 or so on sex toys for your DH, unpackage them, pack them into a bag that you were using on a night AWAY from your DH, then - before you've even mentioned them, just throw them away...? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!

It's actually pathetic that he thinks you would fall for this.

They were bought to use on his night away and have been left with his lover or at the hotel they stayed at.

Lies and more lies, on top of cheating.

Please be your own advocate and get rid of this lying, cheating, predictably pathetic excuse for a husband. You were given a warning 14 years ago and there is a good chance he's cheated in the run up and now he's doing it again.

You
Deserve
More

This!!!

icingonmycupcake · 15/07/2026 01:27

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

Yes. You know you are.

You can either face it. Which will be really tough for a while but so worth it long term.

Or you can continue to live a lie with a serial cheating bastard.

Ultimately these are your choices. And only you can decide.

I'm really sorry. It's so crap for you. But you need to realise that you deserve a better life than you currently have with this scumbag. When you do it will give you strength.

GrandmasCat · 15/07/2026 01:31

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

Oh well. If you are determined to turn a blind eye, what’s the point to make a drama out of it?

You are gaslighting yourself, many women do, no confrontation needed. You know he is cheating, you know he wouldn’t be taking the toys away in a “business trip” if they were for you, you know it is not the first time it happens so just turn a blind eye to all of it and carry on.

LettingItAllHangOut · 15/07/2026 01:45

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

FFS. Come on now. Is this even real? 🙄

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 15/07/2026 02:21

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

A trillion %

Todayismyfavouriteday · 15/07/2026 02:40

Why ask here, if you obviously prefer to believe any crap he feeds you, rather than admitting that he's a cheating bastard and you should leave him at once?

MaggieBsBoat · 15/07/2026 02:53

Have you got form for believing crazy bullshit? Do you believe in alien crop circles and nazis on the moon? If so, maybe he’s got you pegged and knows he can just spin any line. Otherwise of course you are just going to get your proverbial ducks sorted and kick his sorry cheating arse to the kerb.

Tattooedteacher0621 · 15/07/2026 03:26

BugseyMalone · 14/07/2026 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

Call his bluff. Tell him you’d absolutely love it and you want him to get it back.

FWIW, he’s clearly talking rubbish. How would he know you don’t like it without actually asking you?

I hope you choose yourself, and self respect over this absolute loser who is disrespecting you every minute of every day. You deserve better OP.

user1469565563 · 15/07/2026 03:43

I hate men.

TheMrsCampbellBlack · 15/07/2026 04:18

Do it now OP otherwise you'll be 54 and doing it then (like I am). Similar story really - viagra was being "tested" before using with me. I mean really you stupid dipshits? Trust me when I tell you HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU. You're staying in a fantasy not a happy marriage or one that can be salvaged. Its over. He's shown you who he is repeatedly. Be thankful and grasp that truth and get a divorce. Imagine being able to go in any bag in your home and not worry about what's in it?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/07/2026 04:51

Bought it for you?

Mothers Day Lol GIF by reactionseditor
Bristolandlazy · 15/07/2026 04:53

Come on now, that doesn't make sense. You deserve a man who tells you the truth and isn't shagging anyone else. He's lied to you. Sex toys are expensive, you know the truth, he's a liar and a cheat. Chuck him out

permanently · 15/07/2026 04:56

Sorry OP xxx