Found sex toys in husbands bag

[BugseyMalone]

I think I know what people are going to say, but I have no one else to talk to about this.
a couple of days ago, I found some sex toys, lube and a blindfold in my husbands bag. Yes, I was snooping. I have a history of not trusting him- he had an affair 14 years ago, and my spidey senses have always been on high alert. I was finding his viagra was going missing, and alarm bells tarted ringing. He had to go away for the night due to work, so before he packed his clothes, I checked his bag and have found the stuff. He has not liked me looking through his stuff before and gets really annoyed with me (and takes the moral high ground) if he thinks I’ve gone through his stuff- which I don’t do often. So, I don’t tell him that I saw all these things. I asked him straight out if he was having an affair. He said no. I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else, and he said no. He asked me where all the questions had come from and I just said that I ‘had a feeling’ as viagra was going missing. I got some crap about it being in another room. He seems to think that I’m feeling neglected and says that he wants to spend more time with me and that we should do more things without the kids etc. But this is not the case. He’s not home til late tonight, but I think I’m going to have to come clean and tell him that I looked in his bag, and give him a chance to explain. I’m so confused and upset. We never get a chance to talk properly because he works late or we have the kids around. I want to speak frankly tonight, but I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to. I think I’m going to go mad if I hold all this in though.

This and this again. I’ve been there OP (not the exact same circumstances as you) with a long term ex-bf. I’d believe his unlikely excuses as I was in denial and it was honestly easier for me at the time to brush my doubts under the carpet and carry on. Looking back I can’t believe I essentially turned a blind eye to it. In my case it is exactly as the PP I’ve quoted says- he didn’t care enough about me to give a shit if I found out the truth.
He ended up leaving me for someone else anyway so I should have ended it much earlier!

Beautifully put.
All that needs saying. What a farce.

Did he say he took them back for a refund? You’d need to see that receipt or his online banking to prove that but I think you already know that those toys wasn’t for you

OP, look you know he is a lying cheating bastard of a man. I have been you and i know it is hard to walk away. You should end it but you won't, you will continue to lie down and let him trample all over you and make a mug out of you. Just know that your children are watching and learning. The damage the pair of you are doing to those children is awful. So if you won't leave for you then bloody well leave for them. If you are going to put up and shut up with his crap behaviour then more the fool you. Harsh but absolutely true.

There’s zero trust between you and it sounds like for good reason. I think at this point you need couples counseling at the least..

You have to do things properly and legally, so many posters on MN go with their emotions but in law it doesn't work that way. If only more people realised the law in the real world and no matter how much a twat your stbh is they still have certain rights over the property and living there.
In most cases if you chuck him out and change the locks he can legally return and tell you he's legally allowed to move back in.
Get yourself organised with paperwork and see a solicitor asap.

STBXH😐

What for?? He' could say the right things to the counsellor and then still go and cheat irl. This idea is like polishing a turd tbh.

Some of my ex’s brilliant excuses:

I ordered something from Amazon and they sent this nipple clamp instead

The anal lube applicators were a freebie with some lube I bought

The ‘brand new’ unwrapped bondage tape is covered in lube as I accidentally spilled some everywhere when I was having a wank

The used condoms are from posh wanks (could barely even get him to use one with me when I wasn’t on the pill)

The cockring was in my pocket as I had to pull it out of the hoover

‘She’s just a friend’

there are so many more op but you get the gist . They’ll come out with bullshit and then call you crazy for questioning it . It’s exhausting. You need to end it .

In all honesty, why would you even bother?

I wouldn't waste my breath at this stage apart from in a lawyers office.

Be done with it. Get your ducks in a row and get out.

It’s not even a very good lie. Get these🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥 and see a solicitor.

Have you got find my iPhone set up for him? Would be interesting to see where he’s going. Piece of shit.

Those lemon things aren't cheap... I don't think you'd just throw it away. Thinking of you OP, it's a horrible situation x

Just read your update. Get rid of this lying skank and get a STD test too.

This.

He is 100% full of shit. People can lie very convincingly when it suits them.

I'd not bother discussing it again. Just get yourself organised then serve divorce papers when it suits you to do so.

I agree with this. Sorry but this is no way to live. You don't trust him with very good reason and deserve more.

get an std test, get your ducks in a row, dump him and move on
sorry hes put you through this.

Either your husband is having an affair or he's using sex workers. I'd opt for the affair, simply because the items have disappeared from his work bag. He didn't throw them away, they weren't for you. He's given them to another woman (or man, sorry but it's a possibility) to keep, for next time.

If your husband cheated 14 years ago, then I'm sorry to say that it's likely he's consistently been unfaithful throughout the last 14 years.

You don't have a marriage OP. Your husband is staying in the marriage because it's convenient for him, and divorce would cost him money/assets. You 'forgave' him 14 years ago, so there were no real consequences to his behaviour. He has the best of both worlds....a wife, keeping house/looking after the kids and a mistress on the side.

You on the other hand are living in a state of anxiety all the time. You're on alert constantly, watching/waiting for signs, feeling suspicious, snooping etc. That's no way to live.

Your husband doesn't love or respect you. He's not particularly concerned by your questioning of him, because you accept his explanations and never give him any consequences.

Personally, I'd keep quiet. In the background, gather documentation regarding the mortgage, finances, assets and seek legal advice. The consequence needs to be you serving divorce papers, and getting yourself out of this awful marriage, to an equally awful man.

Oh op, please don’t fall for it. You’re worth so much more. Someone on page one even said he’d say he bought them for you, it’s a classic line. He’s a liar, a manipulator and a cheat.

Are they sex toys he might use on himself?

In some ways this is almost funny that he is packing his 'toys'. On another it is deadly serious as there is anticipation of sex with either a known woman or a casual hook up. Either could have implications for your health. I think you have to confront him calmly if you can having thought through what this means for your long term relationship. There is no way this can be ignored and hopefully he will admit to what is going on and discuss. If not what will happen to your trust in future. What a shock but try to stay calm and take your time. Then you can decide what action to take.

Yeah just file for divorce. What could he possibly say that would be a believable excuse? Would you seriously swallow a tale that he bought those items for you? That he uses them alone?

He's cheating scum and probably never stopped since the first time he was caught.

Yeah, you are. 100%.

Do some more digging and maybe also get tested in the meantime.

😂😂😂

Ludicrously laughable bullshit. And you know it, OP.

Yep. Sorry this is happening to you. Get your ducks in a row and an STI test.