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Relationships

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Found sex toys in husbands bag

69 replies

BugseyMalone · Today 17:53

I think I know what people are going to say, but I have no one else to talk to about this.
a couple of days ago, I found some sex toys, lube and a blindfold in my husbands bag. Yes, I was snooping. I have a history of not trusting him- he had an affair 14 years ago, and my spidey senses have always been on high alert. I was finding his viagra was going missing, and alarm bells tarted ringing. He had to go away for the night due to work, so before he packed his clothes, I checked his bag and have found the stuff. He has not liked me looking through his stuff before and gets really annoyed with me (and takes the moral high ground) if he thinks I’ve gone through his stuff- which I don’t do often. So, I don’t tell him that I saw all these things. I asked him straight out if he was having an affair. He said no. I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else, and he said no. He asked me where all the questions had come from and I just said that I ‘had a feeling’ as viagra was going missing. I got some crap about it being in another room. He seems to think that I’m feeling neglected and says that he wants to spend more time with me and that we should do more things without the kids etc. But this is not the case. He’s not home til late tonight, but I think I’m going to have to come clean and tell him that I looked in his bag, and give him a chance to explain. I’m so confused and upset. We never get a chance to talk properly because he works late or we have the kids around. I want to speak frankly tonight, but I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to. I think I’m going to go mad if I hold all this in though.

OP posts:
Pickledonions12 · Today 22:12

BugseyMalone · Today 22:05

UPDATE- He’s just come home and I have checked his bag whilst he’s in the shower. The stuff has gone.

I expect he's left them at the home of the lady he's sleeping with.

Steeleydan · Today 22:21

He will tell you they were to play a joke on a work colleague!

RoseOliviaAu · Today 22:25

Why come clean? He will only lie and manipulate you. He’s obviously having another affair… leave him.

Screamingabdabz · Today 22:25

PinkyBrain290 · Today 19:49

He may not be having a full blown affair but he is absolutely sleeping within someone. Im ashamed to admit I was sleeping with a married man every time we went away for work. His poor wife had absolutely no idea I existed. He told me he wasn't with anyone. After a bit of snooping it turns out he very much had a family, but I didn't care for selfish reasons. We lived 3 hours apart and if he was in my area, we'd hook up. If I was in his area, we'd hook up. It happens. I'm not excusing it. Good luck OP. If it makes you feel better they always run back to their wives. My "DH" had an affair 9 years ago and came back with his tail between his legs.

Edited

Wow! What a lucky girl you are that your cheating scumbag husband came back to you! How reassuring for all the betrayed wives to read that there is still hope.

🙄

RoseOliviaAu · Today 22:25

BugseyMalone · Today 22:05

UPDATE- He’s just come home and I have checked his bag whilst he’s in the shower. The stuff has gone.

He knows you were suspicious so he’s left them at his girlfriends house.

NameChangeAgain48 · Today 22:28

End the relationship. You, rightly, don't trust him. You've already spent over a decade looking over your shoulder and waiting for him to cheat in you again. You dont need proof. His behaviour is shady. He definitely shagging someone be it a colleague or sex worker. I'd get yourself a STD test if you've engages in any secual activity with him

Calliopespa · Today 22:33

I don't entirely see the point in confronting him OP.

I don't think he has a valid story. I mean what could it be?

I'd think what you want to do before giving him the heads up you know.

Calliopespa · Today 22:37

The time to confront him was when you could have physically held them out and asked what they were.

FWIW I call bullshit on all this moral high ground about not going through a partner's bag/phone. If there is nothing for them to worry about, there is nothing for them to worry about, You shouldn't actually need a level of privacy that allows you to conceal sex toys from your spouse.

Piknik · Today 22:39

Did you take a photo of the toys OP? Please say you did...

Ariana12 · Today 22:41

One other possibility comes to mind. With the blindfold and the rest, it's just possible he's paying for kinky sex. Not an affair but using a prostitute. Only you know if you can live with someone who does that.

ascandadhdandhangingon · Today 22:48

Calliopespa · Today 22:37

The time to confront him was when you could have physically held them out and asked what they were.

FWIW I call bullshit on all this moral high ground about not going through a partner's bag/phone. If there is nothing for them to worry about, there is nothing for them to worry about, You shouldn't actually need a level of privacy that allows you to conceal sex toys from your spouse.

Edited

Trouble is he will have an explanation I was going to see how it worked so I could try it on your when I got back.
A friend left in there as a joke
It’s not mine I swear etc

I’d say why have I got a STD and watch him panic and tell him to get out and literally don’t say anything else

tell him to take his stuff and get out and go back to his AP

ThePotholeHelpline · Today 22:49

I had all three of these things in my bag for a night away a few days ago.

Purely for my own use.

The 'blindfold' was a 'sleepmask' though, in case the hotel room didn't have thick curtains.

Mrsgreen100 · Today 22:56

Similar thing happened to me I found some odd stuff in a box in the garage when we moved house it was in my
partners sports bag ,he made up some bullshit about he used it for wanking on his own, it was complete rubbish he’d been having many a affairs for 20 years. I found out later but at the time I found the stuff he was so convincing I kind of believed him even a friend of mine said for goodness sake everyone’s allowed in private time unbelievable . get rid of him now you will regret it if you don’t I say wish I’d got rid of mine when I found the stuff .
also, your blokes got form actually so did mine. My ex had an affair that I found out about when we’ve only been living together for a year I threw him out as it was my home and a year later somehow he weasel his way back in the old expression leopards don’t change their sports could not be true in this crazy crap that we put up with for men

BugseyMalone · Today 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

OP posts:
LilyBunch25 · Today 23:30

BugseyMalone · Today 23:28

SECOND UPDATE- confronted him. He said that he bought is for me, but didn’t think I would want it so he chucked it away. It’s such a weird thing to do. I’m not convinced. He sounds so sincere. Am I being gaslit??

Massively....!! Absolute load of BS.

JoWilkinsonsno1fan · Today 23:31

Yes, you are - he could have chucked it away at home, he didn’t need to take it on a work trip just to get rid of it. You cannot carry on living like this… leave, find peace for yourself and get rid of this absolute prick of a H.

sunnydeee · Today 23:34

He knew you were onto him so he got rid. And came up with an excuse. Nobody buys sex toys then throws them away because they thought their partner wouldn’t like them. Why buy them at all, they aren’t cheap.

It all sounds very fishy.

Happyjoe · Today 23:36

I just couldn't live like this, always worrying, always at the back of my mind. OP, you deserve more than to live a life like this surely?

Wishitsnows · Today 23:38

Yes you are absolutely being gaslighted. He knows you stayed with him before and so will use that against you. Saying you’re too suspicious or jealous or something. You know what you saw. His excuse is crazy bullshit.

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