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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
CatsCatsCats11 · 18/09/2019 09:38

I'm so pleased you got proven right, I do wonder whether L will try to get in touch now. I would be the same and not want to know either.

Drum2018 · 18/09/2019 09:40

You're right to keep them at arms length and don't feed the drama. It will be interesting to see if C's Dh mentions it to you again at the school. What a bitch she turned out to be.

Original poster
JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:43

I'm definitely not interested in repairing a friendship with L, or C.
To be honest, I don't feel the same way about my friendship with the other 3 either now. I'd given them the benefit of the doubt that they were trying to remain neutral, but I now think perhaps they were starting to distance themselves from me because they'd believed C?
Or perhaps I'm being unfair to them?
They've certainly been messaging me loads about what's going on, whereas they were very quiet to me before - which makes me think they were probably messaging C loads and gossiping about me!

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 18/09/2019 09:45

Hi J I lurked on your last thread. I think you are wise to cool your friendship with these people. My daughter (late 30s) went through similar, and says she never felt comfortable again around her 'friends' after her exoneration and the gossip and speculation had died down, and everyone wanted to go back to normal. It just never can be the same again - there will still remain the feeling that you were ganged up on and disbelieved.

C may well say - of course her husband lied in front of M to cover up for you so you wouldn't be embarrassed in the playground?

roseunicornblower · 18/09/2019 09:46

No you are not being unfair at all. Let the other friendships cool off and keep the other two at bay. You didn't deserve any of this and how you've handled it has been amazing.

Unburnished · 18/09/2019 09:46

Time to step back from this circle and find new friends as this lot have behaved appallingly. It’s such a disappointment when people behave like this.

Welludidask · 18/09/2019 09:47

I think she'll have to come up with something as she'll see everyone at school etc.. she'll probably make up something about mistaken identities or even dig herself further and say her DH was covering it up.. I doubt she'll hold her hands up but her silence speaks volumes.
It is a shame what's happened with the others, you're right not to give up on the friendship but definitely keep them at am arms length for now.. op, would you feel comfortable confronting them about it all? It doesn't have to be in a harsh way, could just be something like "I'm upset I've had to deal with all this and felt like you took Cs side, why do you think I would do something like that?" And see what they say, I just feel like leaving it open might cause some resentment.
But yeah sod C and the other one, they look like a right pair of tits now, yay! Grin

PrettyPurse · 18/09/2019 09:48

People do intend to stay neutral, unfortunately what happens is by doing that your "allegence" looks like it's not with you.

I would keep the friendship going with the others but also not forget this has happened (not that you could of course!) and maybe try and speak to others when on the school run so as to "dilute" your time with them

Mintychoc1 · 18/09/2019 09:49

I can see why you'd feel cooler towards K, M and D, but I'd try and keep them on side for now, until all of this has died down. The last thing you want is for the whole lot of them to gang up on you.

MarshaBradyo · 18/09/2019 09:50

Yes to revelling in the excitement and gossip, I can understand why that has left a sour feeling. And you’re right to not ramp it up now they’re turning to you for more of the same.

You’ve done so well at least you can relax about it now. C can bugger off.

sheshootssheimplores · 18/09/2019 09:51

My priority would be my daughter’s friendships and trying to keep everything as stable and constant as possible.

You’ve seen the true characters of all of these individuals now. They are fair weather friends/frenemies. There is a place for those people in your life, but you now realise they don’t have your back, so keep your guard up and don’t trust them with your secrets.

MarshaBradyo · 18/09/2019 09:51

The others. Just see how you feel in time.

Figgygal · 18/09/2019 09:54

I'm glad you've been vindicated
Hope L gives you a massive apology and then you can tell her to shove off she was as complicit in all of this as C was and clearly had been bitching about you from the start And was glad to throw you under the bus with no evidence.

Give me others the benefit of the doubt maybe but remain wary

When might you see L or C Again? I hope C's husband ripped her a new one last night

AwdBovril · 18/09/2019 09:56

Definitely agree with PPs who've said to try to keep friendship with K, M & D on a reasonable level for now, although I'd imagine no-one will blame you if you are a bit quiet for a while. I imagine they probably feel pretty silly, and embarrassed that they were so ready to unquestioningly believe C. Goodness knows what L thinks of it all as she's obviously still "siding with" C, for whatever odd reason. Do any other parents know what's been going on? Are you likely to continue hearing about it from other people or will it be quietly dropped?

edsheeranpaidmoretaxthanccola · 18/09/2019 09:57

I'm sure it'll all come out in the wash. So 'keep your powder dry' as you may find out people have supported you

SmellMySmellbow · 18/09/2019 09:58

I suspect you're right. Sometimes people's love of drama will overshadow their actual morals - ie they might have felt they should have left the side chat with C in order to take a stand but didn't want to miss out on the gossip. I'd keep them as fun-time friends for the sake of your DD but you know now to keep them at arm's length in terms of confidences. I'm dying to know how C will react towards you and the others. She's really fucked her position as Queen Bee now. I bet L will stick with her regardless as she needs to throw her lot in with someone and will soon realise you're not having any of it.

CallMeRachel · 18/09/2019 10:01

I wouldn't speak too soon.

I think C and L will try coming back with extended lies and drama to try and salvage their reputation and friendship with the rest of the gang.

I wouldn't let my child go their to play either, goodness knows what would be said.

Keep being superficial friends with the rest of them but you'll see them in a different light.
No more confiding in them, no telling secrets or opening your heart.

Knowledge is power and you should never give power over your life and happiness in the hands of the wrong people.

Milicentbystander72 · 18/09/2019 10:02

I lurked on your last thread too.

I agree you're playing this well. You've been vindicated and your friends are in touch etc. However I agree to be wary from now on.

You can be friendly, bright and breezy. No arguments need to be had but just be wary.

For the record, I'm 47 and am still finding new friends (really good friends!) to add into my circle. Over the years friendships can wax and wane (and then wax again). I've always managed to keep friendly with most people and pick up them sometimes years later.

Really good friends, friends I can totally count on in my life without question....I'd say I have 3. An old family friend, my (gay male) friend and an old baby antenatal friend. They don't really know each and are spread around. I've known them from between 35 and 14 years.

Things will work out fine OP.

thelonggame · 18/09/2019 10:06

can some one link to last thread please?

loobyloo1234 · 18/09/2019 10:10

So pleased you have been absolved OP. I'm of the 'distance yourself from the other 3' camp as you probably saw on your last thread. You need friends to step up in times of crisis and they certainly didn't

However as the saying goes 'keep your friends close' - will probably be needed for the time being Smile

MotherOfLittlePeople · 18/09/2019 10:10

Maybe they thought because she said she had messages from Facebook messenger that you really had been but now she has failed to show these messages or mention what they say to back up her make believe story that she is lying.

It will be a hard situation for them as well as they won't know 100%.

Just keep all at an arms length and completely remove the other 2 from your life. You don't need them type of friends x

Mia184 · 18/09/2019 10:10

OP, weren‘t the others supposed to go over to C on Friday (?) for drinks? I wonder if this is still on.

justilou1 · 18/09/2019 10:10

Omg, thank god you’re back! More often than not these awful bitches win, BUT NOT THIS TIME!!! I’m so happy for you. Can understand why you’re looking at the other ladies sideways, too.... I say keep them close (divide AND conquer!!!) smile and royal wave and hold your head high.
*still recovering from being shat on from very great height by friendship group. Don’t know how or why to turn the other cheek atm.
Well done!!!

XmasAnnoyances · 18/09/2019 10:10

Hi,
I'm glad that you started another thread. I would be wary that C&L will concoct more lies to cover. I would stay friends with the others but superficially, don't confide in them right now as they will turn coat depending on the weather.

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