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How should I reply to this text?

(1000 Posts)
JaysusWept Thu 12-Sep-19 10:34:45

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

ThePhoenixRises Thu 12-Sep-19 10:42:08

Unfortunately it does read like she was taking about you.

I don't know if I would reply but I would start to keep a distance.

I might reply something along the lines of "at least I know why you have been off with me for the last few weeks, for the record, I don't like xxxxx (her DH name) as anything else but a friend, I wish you had just been honest with me and I could of reassured you ages ago, in future if you have a problem with me, please come directly to me, we are all adults and not a bunch of teens playing nasty girls"

Thiswayorthatway Thu 12-Sep-19 10:43:14

Don't reply by text, speak to her.

FetchezLaVache Thu 12-Sep-19 10:44:37

The text was clearly about you, and its wording suggests that this is not the first time C and L have discussed your perceived shortcomings. I'd not reply to either of them and probably step back from the group, maintaining contact only with the less childish members of it, frankly!

dontgobaconmyheart Thu 12-Sep-19 10:44:43

You don't need to justify your behaviour with her DH OP. Honestly she sounds like an idiot and quite an unpleasant person really- do you really want friends that bitch about you behind your back? Accusing you of throwing yourself at her DH is pathetic, and she is clearly wrong anyway, mocking your laugh is just bullying behaviour - clearly she is also spreading it around that you are apparently after him. What on earth would make you want to see these people again?

I would ask to meet, and state very clearly that I believe that was about me, think that reflects very very poorly on her, remind her that her DH is the last person I'd be interested in. There is no need to be friends with someone that hasn't got a clue what you are about, thinks I'll of you, and is nasty.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor Thu 12-Sep-19 10:48:12

Could it have been about someone else though?

Seems odd that she would invite you over if she doesn't like you

JaysusWept Thu 12-Sep-19 10:48:36

I did think about phoning her and asking her to clarify the text, but then I'm worried that it might make me sound defensive and then she might think that I really am all over her husband!

Butterymuffin Thu 12-Sep-19 10:48:40

I'd arrange a coffee with L and tell her you know about the text, you're not so stupid as to flirt with a friend's husband, and you'd appreciate it if they stopped bitching about you.

Mxyzptlk Thu 12-Sep-19 10:53:25

I'd speak to her in person, without children around.
If it's left, or smoothed over, there'll be an atmosphere in the group.

Mxyzptlk Thu 12-Sep-19 10:54:34

*speak to C, I meant, not L.

bobo26 Thu 12-Sep-19 10:57:24

She was definitely referring to you. Sounds like C and L have spoken about you like this before. No doubt C is really embarrassed and is getting L to test the water. I'd pull back from these 2! A polite 'thanks but no thanks' would suffice. Cheeky pair of gets!

Andallofasuddenitsover Thu 12-Sep-19 10:57:32

This is harsh JaysusWept but are you much more attractive than C? I’m discovering that women aren’t nice to/ about attractive women as we get older. People will attach me for this I’m sure, but it is becoming increasingly obvious to me.

JaysusWept Thu 12-Sep-19 10:57:36

L has just text me with a jokey meme hmm
Usually this stuff would all be done through the whatsapp chat.
There are 3 others in the whatsapp group - K, M and D (sorry about all the initials!)

Not sure if I'm being paranoid but feels like this is C and L trying to gauge my reaction to that text.

TokyoSushi Thu 12-Sep-19 10:58:11

Eeek, I'd say there's a 99% chance it was about you.

I'm a coward so probably wouldn't take it any further but I'd definitely step back from them.

TheStuffedPenguin Thu 12-Sep-19 10:58:49

It could well be that she is having an issue with someone at work and her H hence her "off " attitude but to me it sounds as if she is referring to you . What would I do ? Depends if you want to keep contact with this person ..but probably I would speak to her and just say " look was that text about me ?"

TokyoSushi Thu 12-Sep-19 10:58:56

Not sure if I'm being paranoid but feels like this is C and L trying to gauge my reaction to that text.

Yes they are - they know they've fucked up.

Idontwangtogetuo Thu 12-Sep-19 10:59:32

I wouldn’t reply to the text. If “C” was in fact referring to you I would suspect she will be feeling slightly concerned about what you might do. This is why you have received an invitation for coffee, damage limitation on her part. Let her stew for a while and then decide if you are going to challenge her. I would also ignore “L”’s invite for the same reason.

JaysusWept Thu 12-Sep-19 10:59:46

Not more attractive than C!
I'd say she's much more attractive - and younger! As is her husband. They're early 30s and I'm late 30s.
I'm far too old for playground shit like this though - feeling really weirded out about it now.

I really value this friendship group and they were very supportive when my ex cheated on me and we split up!

RabidRabbles Thu 12-Sep-19 11:01:13

I'd leave them to stew a bit longer.

bobo26 Thu 12-Sep-19 11:02:00

There's no need to worry about the friendship group. If you want to keep things as they are they carry on. At least you now know what C and L think of you. Avoid spending time with those two outside of the group.

ElspethFlashman Thu 12-Sep-19 11:03:56

Have you replied to either of them yet?

mummmy2017 Thu 12-Sep-19 11:04:39

Phone her, tell her you value friendship and trust too much to even look at her husband and if the text wasn't about you then fine, but you just want to reasure her that having gone through this yourself never in a Million years could you be attracted to a married family man.

CIareIsland Thu 12-Sep-19 11:04:54

Yes it was about you.
But it is more about her.
Insecurity about her marriage.
And projecting that on to you whilst enlisting a bitchy cabal behind your back.
This is who she is.
I would maybe meet with both C and L for an apology / explanation and watch them squirm - but know that the friendship is over. Maybe L was reaching out to make contact to show that she disapproves of C?

switcharoonie Thu 12-Sep-19 11:06:54

I agree - leave them to stew a bit longer.

I don't think L texted you to show disapproval of C. C wouldn't have said 'doing her usual' if they hadn't had these kinds of chats before.

JaysusWept Thu 12-Sep-19 11:07:07

Elspeth, I haven't replied to C's invite for tomorrow or to L's text last night about night out next weekend, but I did respond to the meme with a laugh (wasn't even a funny meme!)

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