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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

C and the (non-existent) FB messages

999 replies

JaysusWept · 18/09/2019 09:31

Morning all.
Can't believe the last thread filled up!
Thanks so much to everyone for all of your responses and your support. It really was invaluable to me.

According to K, M and D, they've had no response from C to their messages asking her to explain what has gone on and why she's been lying. She's seen the messages, but hasn't replied to any of them. I ended up muting my WA chat last night because it was buzzing constantly Hmm Did make me wonder if the chat I was exluded from was as busy...

L has told M that she'd believed C, can't believe she would lie about something as serious as this (nothing about not believing I would do such a thing!) and that she needs to hear what C has to say about it. She hasn't attempted to contact me, and I don't want her to. That friendship is over.

I'm wondering what C will come back with now. Part of me thinks she'll just freeze K, M and D out and not even bother to give an explanation, because how could she explain it?
I'm just so relieved that that's it now - they know I wasn't lying. Although I intend to stay friends with K, M and D, I think my friendship with them will cool slightly. They didn't support me when I needed it, and from their responses/reactions, I'm guessing that they were similarly as gossipy and 'excited' with C and L when this was all going on. I'd hoped they were trying not to take sides, etc - but the way they seem to be almost revelling in this now, with the amount of messaging and speculation - I'm guessing they were speculating about me this way?
It's left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
magoria · 18/09/2019 10:10

C is so deep in this she may say you and her H collaborated before pick up to pretend she made it all up (mad wife etc).

I can't see her taking this quietly. Be wary, look after yourself and your DD.

OneForMeToo · 18/09/2019 10:12

I think she will just go down the route of course his going to deny it men never admit to it blah blah blah. Although you know you didn’t send anything how many women have found messages and the mans deleted and stated they never existed in the first place. Possibly a hollow victory op.

Daisypie · 18/09/2019 10:14

Well done. I agree that from here you are friendly and breezy but maybe thinking about a new group of friends.
C is probably casting around for a new version to try. It may not all go away. Try not to get drawn into more analysis with everyone.

Fcukthisshit · 18/09/2019 10:21

what a horrible thing to go through. I hope there were some difficult conversations in C’s house as a result of this. I think you are right to cool things with the others. It’s not easy to make new friends but I reckon it’s better to have none than have people like them gossipy fuckers.

Saharafordessert · 18/09/2019 10:26

Well done for getting through this OP.
I’d love to be a fly on the wall in C’s house right now!

MarianaMoatedGrange · 18/09/2019 10:27

OneForMeToo could be right. I'm sure C isn't done with her drama yet. Fuck knows what she said to her husband?

hellsbellsmelons · 18/09/2019 10:33

Pleased to see a new thread.
And so glad C has been proved totally wrong and unjustified.
Hopefully you can get the other friendship back on track and fuck C & L.

OneForMeToo · 18/09/2019 10:35

I’m pondering to the dh

“I saw the message and deleted it in a fit of Rage, then when I kept seeing her being all close and over comfortable I exploded, let’s just ignore her and pretend it never happen. I’ll do the school run for the next few months. sorry darling love you I promise nothing like this will ever happen again(crying)”

To the friends “The message was deleted his not going to own up to it. I was going out of my mind that a friend who we all helped so much could do such a horrible thing like this to me after having her own husband cheat it’s been so draining these last few weeks keeping it together”

Could be wrong but I’ve seen dramas like this play out before. The taking over the school run to the outsiders would prove her point about you and him showing that his avoiding you know as his been caught out etc

PepsiLola · 18/09/2019 10:41

I would love to have been a fly on the wall for her husbands conversation with her! So glad you had M next to you when it was said tho as if not, would they have believed you?

Same said, if any rumours like this happen, and you don't know who to believe, it's not your fault. I wouldn't lose friendships over one or two horrible women

Dementornator · 18/09/2019 10:42

I think it’s wise for you to cool your friendship with the others, at least for the time being. Sounds like they were all loving the drama. Probably bet to distance yourself for a while until the next gossip topics pops up

Musti · 18/09/2019 10:43

I think the others may have been put in a difficult situation. It's not normal for people to make up stories about their own husbands so they may have decided not to contact you until they got more details.

Also, the other 3 had no idea why she left the WA group so clearly they were never part of the original bitching.

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and see how the friendship progresses.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 18/09/2019 10:43

I think that experienced liars will always come out on top.

In my situation, even though the mum - that lied and manipulated people and got everyone to exclude me and my daughter - has now done almost exactly the same thing to another mum - everyone is still backing her. She's done some nasty stuff but still keeps getting away with it.

theoriginalmadambee · 18/09/2019 10:44

Lurker here, too. Thanks for the new thread.

I think you now know what kind of friends K, M, D are. For your dc's sake, you got to keep a straight face and hope that in time your dc will get best friends outside this group.

People love drama, perhaps this has been a lesson for KMD, too. (At some level they must feel quite embarrassed).

So happy for you, best of luck.

Treestreestrees · 18/09/2019 10:46

I’d keep them at arms length.

Sorry they’ve been rubbish!!

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 18/09/2019 10:49

The most important thing is that Jaysus has a witness to how C’s husband reacted in the the spur of the moment when she raised it with him.

Whoops75 · 18/09/2019 10:51

I think you have been bloody brilliant op

Move the 3 from close friends to friends, share wine not secrets with them.

The other two aren’t worth your time.

FantasticButtocks · 18/09/2019 10:54

Going up to the husband and asking him, with M by your side, was brave and brilliant! What a good reaction from him too! So good that was witnessed.

I expect C is regretting ever having started all this now, she is definitely getting her punishment, because it will be stressing her out and highlighting some problems in their marriage...either a lack of trust on her part, or some kind of reason for that...

Ha ha, serves her right! Grin

DarlingNikita · 18/09/2019 11:05

I agree with you, OP, this kind of thing leaves a bad taste. Crises show you who your friends are, and all that.

LionKingLover · 18/09/2019 11:09

I'm so happy for you op. I do think C may come back with more lies. She's going to be very angry she's been caught out. X

FilthyBiscuit · 18/09/2019 11:11

I would love to know the conversation C had with her DH. If I was the DH I would be furious. She's implying he's been sending secret messages too!

CodenameVillanelle · 18/09/2019 11:20

Your friends seem to be enjoying the drama with very little empathy for how you must be feeling. Not nice

Talkingmouse · 18/09/2019 11:21

I have a slightly different take on the behaviours of the friendship group.

Only one person has acted like a ‘true friend’ (as defined by many in this thread) should in this whole saga: L. She unquestioningly believed C. Oops.

Now put yourself in MKD’s shoes. How could they have unquestioningly believed the OP,
when doing so means the other person is a batshit crazy fantasist? They saw C on one side fully supported by L with a story supposedly corroborated by H. It must put doubt in their minds, when pre all this they thought OH and C were similarly close friends and decent people.

Hopefully now the truth is out they will fully support you in the coming days and they can remain close friends, in time, if you wish.

On C...surely she must have realised you/friends would chat to unsuspecting H about this??? There may yet be more pivots to a new lie...

CandyLeBonBon · 18/09/2019 11:25

I've just caught up on the whole saga. How did I miss this? What utter batshittery but well done on standing your ground op. I'd still be wary of all of them tbh. Shot like this leaves a nasty taste in your mouth. I've had similar and the friendship never recovered ☹️

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 18/09/2019 11:45

I agree with Talkingmouse. Most of us find it really hard to believe that people can behave it such a batshit way until we have proof in front of us.

I'd like to think that things will calm down now but my experience is that they don't. The fantasists will be fantasists. And they are usually very good liars.

Millie2016 · 18/09/2019 11:47

Another lurker from the last thread coming on to say thanks for the update OP.
I wish I had been a fly on the wall when C’s DH asked her what the fuck was going on.