Ridiculous things your ex said at the time of your divorce/separation

[helpmeseethefunnysideplease]

Mine has today told my (lovely) solicitor that she is

"pedaling in a world of deception and untruths" yes presumably his

Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I'd laugh at that op.

Mine said "I'll pay maintenance" bahaha

Mine ( emotionally and financially abusive) said that he had collated a file of evidence that could have me committed to an asylum.
Not surprisingly the file never appeared during divorce proceedings.

"You're actually doing better than I thought on your own. If you keep it up for a while, I'll let you come back."

Once I'd stopped pissing myself with laughter I tried to look suitably flattered

He said "you will never manage on your own, you will never be organised enough to pay the bills when they are due, so you will get cut off and have to sit in the dark"

I didn't argue, I went ahead and got my own place. I then read the first bill carefully, filled out a direct debit instruction for each one and, well, got on with my life. Pah!

Didn’t we have arrogant husbands!

"You can't manage without a man, you'll have a new bloke in here within a year and you won't give a shit how the kids feel"

8 years on and I am single. The only relationships I had were short lived and they never met my children. He on the other hand has been engaged twice and now lives on the other side of the world.

Not mine, my DM

DDad (self proclaimed feminist etc) apparently told her he was paying the least in support that he could (at the time probably the equivalent of £5 a week?), and that she didn't need more because she'd just find herself a wealthy man to pay for their DCs.

"I will end your breakfast"

I was engaged, (4 year relationship) dumped me by text out of the blue (for another woman might I add) Never saw him again after that text (his doings not mine). He text me to say I had to give him my engagement ring back, or else, If I don't he will send his dad to drive down to get it. (2 hour journey). Pah! My response? Send ya dad down ya twat he won't get it from me either. Off to the pawn shop I went to enjoy my free cash! The cheek!

"Oh, OK" when I suggested that we might not want to share a bed. What with getting divorced and all. Quite what he was thinking at that point...

He actually did a surprised face.

My ex told me we could 'still be friends' Oh how I laughed at that. When he found out I had a new partner (now husband) he told me there was no chance of us getting back together now. My response: 'um... yes, that is kind of the point.'

My ex asked if I fancied a shag. For context, he hadn't fancied a shag with me for months.

I just looked at him like this

Sheraaagh what does that even mean? Sounds chilling

"I want my name back"
And "the only way you will get on in life is by spreading your legs".
Well shut

My DF wrote my DM a letter on their 29th anniversary detailing 29 reasons why he loved her and why she shouldn't leave him. At the end he put "if you don't move back home, I won't give Bobbiepin any money to support her at university". Bless her she told me she would do it as she had no other way of financially supporting me. I got an overdraft instead!

mine went from 'I'll always look after you' to stopping paying all the bills within 2 months - yeah, cos that was looking after us - not! While we were married, he told me he couldn't live anywhere but the place we were 'because he loved it so much'. Since we parted, he has lived abroad - and I left the other area, where I never lived by my own choice.

After DD's family therapist recommended no contact with father I got "you've lied to the counsellor and she only recommended that as she's a woman too. We should have seen a man". Pretty sure a male counsellor would also have realised that exh is a narcissistic, emotionally abusive waste of space.

Op, I think your ex may have been trying to say the solicitor was 'peddling a world of deception'.
i.e. selling lies.

Still a self dramatising load of nonsense though!

He said why couldn't you have a baby naturally like the woman next door she had three.....I had to have an emergency cesarean with our daughter....I was really upset at the time as I felt I had let him down.

"I'm not leaving here, I've got nowhere to live and none of this was my idea" - two weeks after we'd exchanged contracts and a couple of days before we completed on the sale of our home. I had to find him somewhere to rent!

My exh told my dc I had moved out because I didn't want them anymore. Supposed to be 50/50 but had to fight for any time at all together.
And that I was a prostitute. . Came back to bite him when they are nc with him now.
Arse hole.

On leaving our twelve year marriage he told me that "everything's your fault".

Was told just last week that I should be happy with (the equivalent of) £1.16 per week per child as its more than I'd get from the CSA. Oh how I laughed.
It's shit like this that is making the split a whole lot easier for me.