Ridiculous things your ex said at the time of your divorce/separation

[helpmeseethefunnysideplease]

Mine has today told my (lovely) solicitor that she is

"pedaling in a world of deception and untruths" yes presumably his

Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

When he was being a general arse as usual about something, probably child care he said " Remember, YOU wanted this". As if I should continue to put up with his shit, because I wanted it.....truth be told, i never wanted to leave, I never wanted him to emotionally and verbally abuse me for years. i just wanted to be loved, cared for and respected in the same way I did.

Twat.

I'm not divorced yet but my ex said 'no one else will want you as you are frumpy and out of shape', I was a size 14 and slightly over weight.

2 years later and I am still single through choice, I'm a size 10 and he's in a relationship with someone who is at least a size 20, he looks pretty unhappy and I'm enjoying life without him .

Hopefully divorce will be sorted soon but he's refusing to pay anything towards it as I left him.

Mine said I'm not abusive... It's not like I hit you or I'm an alcoholic

I was going to end up living in a council flat on a shit estate next door to drug dealers. Not sure why, as I have a perfectly well-paid professional job which I hadn't even given up. Now renting a lovely 4 bed house on a quiet road in a nice time and working in a job he'd envy...

Reasons for leaving included

"That time we were away for the night and I bought a condom especially and we didn't have sex"

No we didn't, because you fell asleep 😂

"I might change my mind in a few months and come back"

Ok, so I just sit around waiting til you decide? Divorced him instead

"You like holidays and I don't"

Then he went abroad with friends a couple months later. 😂

Mine said: “It’s not like I’m abusive or violent”. I’ve only ever hit you when you asked for it.

‘I don’t think you’re capable of being happy’
He was correct in one way-I wasnt capable of being happy with him...

‘Im sure we will all come through this and hopefully be happy’ said about 12 hours after I’d found out he’d been having an affair with my best mate for the last year and a half.

Mine did the “I wasn’t abusive. I never hit you in the face”. Apparently body shots are perfectly acceptable behaviour even when I was holding the baby at the time

Mine blames me for everything even though he had affair etc. And has continued to send me emails at various stages blaming me. The latest was blaming me for taking him to court. I pointed out that the court papers showed that it was he that took me to court. You couldn't make it up.

After being "supportive" during my law degree and me making it clear from the beginning of a 5 year relationship that having a career was important to me:

"You knew when we got married I expected a housewife to cook and clean for me"

Aye, jog on mate...

“I want shared care, 50/50” - he sees them 2-3 night per MONTH, totally 100% his choice.

“I’ll go halves on all clothing, shoes and school trip expenses” - I think in 8 years he bought DC2 a pair of ASDA smart price trainers (not exaggerating) and DC1 a cheap pair of football boots.

“I’m going to take them on a holiday every year” - he has NEVER taken them anywhere, not even for a day trip other than to his mothers house in Lincoln.

“I’ll grant you a divorce now” - after several years of refusing to sign any papers he decided he would get on with it now after having met his latest (victim!) wife

Abusive ex said "no one will ever love you like I do"...well thank fuck for that!

I’ll make sure the kids hate you by the time they are 16 and you will do a lonely old bitch in the gutter.

Very nearly succeeded with my 17 year old and he’s working on the younger ones.

Mine often tells me he's at the end of his tether trying to remain friends with me. Why the fuck he thinks I want to remain friends with someone that walked out after 20 years leaving me with 3 small kids "for no reason other than feelings changed" only to find out he's been shagging a homewrecker from work is beyond Me!

I will end your breakfast"

What did he mean?

Mine was an alcoholic, hit me, was mentally and verbally abusive. Told him I would be applying for divorce and he said he would only agree if it was a reasonable reason! Luckily his violence is on record and he has been to prison for it so he has can’t really deny it! But hey ho let him try!!!

My ex wife of 25 yrs who I divorced for adultery told me "dont worry you have a good job and will meet someone new ...its not all about looks " thanks and yes I did meet someone much better than her lolol

My ex said to me: "I'm only with her for the sex" This was after we split and said about the woman he was seeing at that time. She was a single mum with a young child and he had introduced our DC to her without even having the courtesy to tell me... I'm sure both her and I have had a luck escape. He is remarried now - wonder when the cracks will appear!?

Mine told the judge my application for a non molestation order was ' the work of Enid Blyton'. The judge said 'so you didn't get arrested for the death threats then?' Ex just kind of murmured and mumbled something about 'well yes but she knows I didn't mean them, it was just the drink talking'.

He made himself look a complete tosser!

“All I ever wanted was a clean and tidy house and you couldn’t even do that much”

Hmm, surprisingly the house is now immaculate and has been since he left, go figure.🙄

fabulous

These are brilliant!
When my ex finally agreed to let me divorce him (after he sent texts meant for his OW to our DD and he had to stop denying it!) he handed me a note of his conditions for agreeing to the divorce - written on space invader note paper! One of these demands was that ‘If another man moves into the property that I will get 75% of the equity’ I’d like to have seen the judge agreeing to that one!
This was almost 2 years ago, I’m still living alone and don’t have any plans to change that!

My ex had been forcibly removed by the police and lost his driving licence for a year - drink driving, nearly killed us all. I filed for divorce and he turned up in court regarding the dc protesting his violent nature, despite regularly smashing up or home and dc toys. Casually mentioned I had reported him he lunged at me and was removed by security.

He said that my parents had lured me to move in with them by buying me clothes and my son toys. Nope, not the 2+ years affair he had been having, it was the clothes (specifically one fatface cardigan) and a few toys that cause me to leave my home, my stuff and my dog .

I found out my ex had been having an affair for months and immediately told him I wanted a divorce. He said 'we can't get divorced, we have a dog'. I told him I had a dog and he no longer lived here, his cases were already packed ready to go. He's since told me it was the biggest mistake of his life. For me it was the best mistake he ever made. Asshole.