Ridiculous things your ex said at the time of your divorce/separation

[helpmeseethefunnysideplease]

Mine has today told my (lovely) solicitor that she is

"pedaling in a world of deception and untruths" yes presumably his

Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Oh, OK" when I suggested that we might not want to share a bed. What with getting divorced and all. Quite what he was thinking at that point

Seriously???? Idiot!

My ex said 'I will really miss your minestrone soup'. He didn't mention missing anything else. To be fair, my minestrone soup is bloody good.

Oh my x said that I was a gold digger!

Hilarious. I left with a debt.

I'll never be one of those fathers who doesn't pay for the DCs.

Just give me some time to see if OW is the real thing

I've never hit you.

Go and be a cleaner you council house scum (I've always owned my own home)

You have a caesarean scar. And you're fatter than you were.

I'll take the DC off you.

I'll tell everyone what you've done.

He left without warning to be with OW. Made my life a complete misery after with the devious and unexpected methods of trying to hurt me with her help.

Me - I'm very happy now and the DCs are no contact through their choice and the Court. CMS continue to fight through his lies.

Mine told me there was no way he would pay me maintenance as ‘I would spend it on things for myself’ (absolute bollocks as he knew fine well) So I said fine, YOU buy nappies,wipes,clothes etc etc and give them to me instead then you know exactly where the money has gone. Unsurprisingly he just cut all contact and 12 years later he’s still a fucking sad wrinkly bastard bouncing from relationship to relationship and I have a happy marriage and the respect of my child

Oh and the classic generic response ‘ you are mental’ Uh huh for marrying you perhaps

Ex-H: My brief needs to speak to your brief

Me: Who are you? Fucking Terry Venables?

My ex ( who cheated ) stood at the door of our house and said ' I feel like I'm melting in a puddle of sadness '

I slammed the door in his face stating " well go lock yourself In a freezer you fucking moron."

On the day I found out that DH had been having an affair and on being thrown out had moved straight in with OW: "OW is so looking forward to embracing the children as her own, you should be really pleased and grateful"

On being asked on the days he took the children to school if he'd get them dressed: "I'm not doing your housework. When I arrive at 7am they need to be dressed and of had their breakfast".

On being told that as he had read my mail and stolen the children's Xbox when I'd let him in the house that he could no longer use the house for his visitation: "I'm going to move me and OW into the house".

On being sent a letter from my solicitor to say legal action would be taken to stop him and OW moving in with me and the children: "I was only kidding, why are you harassing me".

On being asked to phone insurance providers and stop a payment from my account but in his name and only benefiting him: "why would I do that it's benefiting me for free".

When I had to ask his mum to speak to him about cancelling the payment I was accused of harassing his parents as he would of done it if "if I'd asked nicer and smiled".

This list could go on and on and on...

I won't pay you maintenance, I will come to the shops with you and pay for the dc things.

Ha Nacho! This is moreorless what ex did: I had to go the shop to choose the stuff for the kids eg school uniforms, school shoes, then leave it behind the counter for when he was next in town to pay for it.

His reason was he couldn't give me any money for the kids bcs I'd go off and spend it all on myself.

@runningintothelight. Thats the best on the thread. Classic.

The cheap.cheese is my fave so far.

My ex told me I should stay with him because "we were both flawed characters". "So, stick with me, I'm shit and so are you". Such a charmwr. He was an arch manipulator with an ego the size of China understatement and I was very naive

Springy that was my exes reason too. I would just take the money and spend it on going out because he gor paid on Fridays.

He also refused to have the dc overnight, he wasnt babysitting so I could fo out shagging apparently. Despite him living with his gf!

Ex was same refusing to pay cs as id only spend it socialising (another reason he refused to have DC at all outside of my home without me present was that he wasn't babysitting so I could socialise) when I asked him to pay towards childcare.

I'd love to know how he thought I'd afford to socialise on the 10 pounds I asked for to supplement DC childcare place with no nights off!
And the hypocrisy of it all he socialised on his DCs money while I was caring for them full-time!

He also banned GPs from seeing DC he was hoping to force my new partner at time to dump me. And yep they did as told ignored DC because ex told them I had said they weren't allowed near my DC.

Clearly a lot of these men have same " how to be a shithead during a breakup " hand book with weekly update meetings some get the extra handout sheet about "being a deadbeat dad doesn't mean you're not a dad" / "yes kids can survive on fresh air and still love you"

Oh so many things -
' I've only ever hit you with my open hand, never my fist'
'I could have broken your nose if I'd wanted to but I didn't'
'Its not my fault you bruise so easily'
When I left with the children and what I could carry he said 'fine you can have a divorce as long as I keep the house'
He did.
When he married his second wife he said 'she hates you for what you did to me' A few months later he was arrested for hitting her. Years later she's just left him. Apparently he's 'heartbroken' . I did a little dance.

Mine died a horrible death.

I know. Terrible.

"i'm not leaving the DC, only you" - he has since abandoned the DC

Oh and another ex asked "Are you only with me for the land my father owns and they money I will inherit?" - He owed me £500 when he said this.