Ridiculous things your ex said at the time of your divorce/separation

[helpmeseethefunnysideplease]

Mine has today told my (lovely) solicitor that she is

"pedaling in a world of deception and untruths" yes presumably his

Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Op, I think your ex may have been trying to say the solicitor was 'peddling a world of deception'.
i.e. selling lies.

I agree, and it makes me cringe even more.

What stands out in the thread is how deluded the exes are. And really abusive in some cases .

I agree with the poster who said it makes the separation process easier.

My favourite is:

Judge looked at me briefly and in that second I could read the word ‘twat’ flitting through his brain!! Knew I was ok then.

Please-- let's leave it as pedaling! That gave me such a laugh yesterday on what was a very tense day (decree nisi day).

Deluded? Yes. My STBX is suddenly the wronged party in a world of cruel heartless b*tches because I pointed out he has undervalued his property by a significant amount. He won't budge. Then I suggested we switch and I take his property at that price and he take mine.... totally bamboozled him!

Nearly a year after we split I met another man for a drink in a local pub.

Ex: I’m going to sue you for every penny you’ve got, and ever will get.

Me: um, on what grounds?

Ex: Adultery

Me: But we were never married.

Ex: We we’re engaged, ha, you’d forgotten that hadn’t you?

These are wonderful, thank you all for posting.

In terms of awfulness, I can’t choose between the “ put the kids for adoption”” and one one who told them judge that the death threats weren’t serious yet because it wa in his interest to keep his ex alive.

Early on in the relationship he said "you know I'll never treat you as well as your dad treats your mum." & some months after I'd left "I thought you would have got tired of this independent woman stuff now." - I'd always been independent and I'd got ride of a giant millstone.
Another one who's never paid maintenance, constantly told ds that he is so poor, but strangely always has the latest apple product and games console etc.

My Ex turned up at my door one morning asking ever so politely if I would tell the then CSA that he had the children to stay at his four nights per week as they were trying to ‘have him over and take all of his money.’ He had convinced himself that I would be totally okay with this and promptly stopped being polite when I declined 😂

JustPutSomeGlitterOnIt

That was such a horrible thing for your mother to say. I hope you've got support irl as well as here.

Where to start. 😂😂😂

On maintance. 'No, it's not for me. Am not bothering with that shit. You have had enough out of me'. For context I worked ft until day before my elcs, then was back at work after 3 weeks (I was self employed). Ex used to have dd until about 9am, get a taxi to my office, dump her with my receptionist and piss off for the day to the bookies. With shopping/rent/petty cash money.

On contact with dd once we split. 'Yeah, I will be seeing her here (my mums where I was living). You will have to piss off out for the day, am not looking at your fat fucking face all day'.

On me living with my mums once I left him and gave notice on the property I had rented and paid for when he left me when I was 3 months pregnant. 'Where will I sleep? Am not fucking sleeping with you and the sofa will wreck my back'.

And to my lovely 12 year old dd about 8 months ago. 'If it wasn't for you and your fucking ma I would be a successful businessman in london by now'. In 12 years he has had and lost numerous jobs. All his own fault.

Dd hasn't seen him since he said that to her. Says he is a waste of space and his own worse enemy.

This thread is brilliant, makes me realise I'm not alone, thank you!

Mine got upset when I changed the password on my email account so he couldn't access it, this was after I'd filed for divorce. His exact words were "I feel like you're trying to cut me out of your life". Well yes, that's exactly what divorcing you means!

"I hope you're happy with [insert name of new DP]. He's a chav. He'll treat you badly and probably beat you up"

This from a man who cheated on me repeatedly and continually fueled my insecurities by always commenting on how attractive other women were while also complaining that I was too insecure

Some months after divorce when I met someone who was considerably better off than him:

"You'll be reading The Telegraph next!"

We still use it as a put-down to each other 24 years later

This will totally out me if anyone was at a private view Shoreditch1997 😁😁😁 my artist alcoholic bf was commissioned to creat a programme for an exhibition He drew a cartoon strip in which he featured a recognisable likeness of the gallery owner (lets call him Charles) who he inexplicably despised. . All fine and dandy until you got to the last picture. Charles has a speech bubble with "I am a wanker". Wtaf? Bf was doing an MA in Ilustration at the RCA at the time. Not really in a position to fuck up rare commissions. Of course I had to deal with Charles'partner ringing up to say how upset Charles was. I had had no idea until that night.It was horrible. Night before my first termination. Sadly, not the last twatty and mean thing to do. He also forced my lovely friend's partner to fire him as he was spending the day getting steadily more pissed. I only found out when at work on Monday morning, friend phoned to see why I hadnt called them. Coward hadnt even told me. I ended up cleaning my boss's house to earn the childminding money that then allowed me to work my main job to pay the bills. Fucker.
So when, in 2001 in a Relate meeting above Habitat on Tottenham Court Road, he informed me that I had sabotaged his career I was agog at his thought processes. I did get some lovely mugs out of those sessions which made up for the crap. Almost.
He unfortunately never stopped drinking and he hanged himself in 2013 when our DD was 13.

I dovorced him in 2004 btw.

I'm remembering loads!

Six weeks after I left he wanted me to attend a barbecue with his friends to explain to them why I left.

I declined.

Ex also threatened to sue me
Ex "let's get back together I'll buy you a house"
Me: NO!
Ex: " I've had legal advice from friend (not a solicitor) I'm suing you for leaving me"
Me: " OK! We can sort maintenance too then"
Ex " don't you dare get a solicitor you won't get a penny"

Fun times not! Took years to get any cm as he moved away no forwarding address etc and refused any pre arranged contact with DC preferring it only in my place when it suited him and with me present.
When I said NO I was 'apparently' keeping him from his DC

And not forgetting the gems
" no one will want a crappy single mother"
remarried 8 yrs when I heard this one "have been waiting for your husband to dump you so we could get back together"

Recently ex told now adult DC that reason he refused to pay cm initially was because I'd spend it socialising he paid '30 pounds' per month.
Ex also told adult dc he could say stuff that would spilt up my marriage.

I'm so fed up of the vindictive shit. I do ignore it all as the spilt was 20 years ago but its still bs and it makes me ashamed of my poor choices as a young woman back then.

I just remembered the song he wrote with his guitar which consisted of pretentiously constructed sentences detailing my mainy flaws and faults. I found the lyrics after he was police sectioned after trying to set himself on fire . Outside our flat, stripped half naked, duct taped cans of Mr Muscle and Pledge strapped to his head and chest. Doused in vodka. Waving a lighter. Pissed out of his head. It was a pretty intense night.
Pledge though. And he looked like the Mr Muscles advert man. I later, had a great big hysterical laugh with a dear friend who had come down to see him in the psychiatric unit and who had unfortunately been on the phone with bf immediately prior to this incident and had bern party to this plan from 200 miles away.
During divorce talks he cited my poor mental health for ruining the relationship.

Not bf. He was DH at the time.

"I'll always be here for our kids, and they can call/see me whenever they like"
He left in April - sees them once a month for a few hours and never phones them.............

There are some depressing stories on here about some total arseholes

I’ve got so many....
‘you are a cold hearted bitch’ after I gave up trying to help him seek professional help, despite him purposely missing appiintmentsnto drink in the pub

‘I will cut your boyfriends head off’ (sent via text)
After knocking on my door and running away when Boyf opened the door.

‘You’ll never get a penny of child maintence off of me, I will buy everything she needs’
He regularly spends a stupid amount of money on toys/stationary/magazines and sweets but let’s his kid walk around in shoes too small for her at his house.

‘I want 50/50 custody’
But in the past 7 years has regularly missed contact dates because he’s going out with his mates

Some of these are really depressing, what is it with these twattish men?

Still going through the divorce process so I'm sure there will be more 'gems' along the way if STBXH's current behaviour is anything to go by.

I've had "but I wasn't financially abusive or tried to isolate you, I've let you be with your friends and family" erm...ok so that negates the physical and emotional abuse you have inflicted?!

The most recent one was hoping that the next guy I'm with beats the fucking shit out of me so that I realise how what he (STBXH) did was fuck all.

“This is typical of your behaviour, you are being mean and selfish. Just because we’ve split up, doesn’t mean that we can’t have sex”.

Oh lordy. Hope you are ok .

Yeah, Toad you selfish git