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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My bf's ex is having his first child..help!!!

211 replies

user1483090973 · 30/12/2016 09:56

Cut a long story short, i split up with bf for 6weeks i had some issues i wasn't dealing with. Anyway i regretted finishing it and after a long chat we still loved each other. My bf did say he dated someone else. Anyway all going fine got back together then bomb shell...the women he slept with is pregnant. Obviously it was a shock all around but my partner said he'd step up to the plate and be a good dad.
I said I'll stick by him even though it really f**king hurts and will be hard.
I love my partner to pieces and wouldnt do this if i didn't.
I want to know whats going on e.g scans ets but when he does it upsets me so much cos i want that.
Can anyone help with advise or just anything cos my heads all over the place.
Thanks you xxx

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 30/12/2016 09:59

Run.

DollyPlastic · 30/12/2016 10:00

Leave him.

megletthesecond · 30/12/2016 10:00

Cut all ties and don't go back.

Haggisfish · 30/12/2016 10:00

Honestly why bother? Just get rid.

Mannerscostnothing84 · 30/12/2016 10:01

Finish him. It will be too upsetting to continue seeing him.

NotTheFordType · 30/12/2016 10:01

So within 6 weeks of you finishing, he banged someone else without a condom? So he's an irresponsible twat but he's going to step up to the plate and be a good dad? HAHAHA OKAY BUDDY.

You need to get away from this idiot, seriously.

SVJAA · 30/12/2016 10:02

I'm sorry to be blunt, but it's only going to get harder for you. The baby and his/her mum will be in your boyfriend's life daily (if he is going to step up and be a dad) and be a big part of his life.
If you can't handle that, or think it will be too hard, it's time to go and move on.
Being a parent is a massive commitment, and as a SM you won't be as involved as he is. She and he will be involved as it is their child.
Personally, I'd go. Because even in the most amicable of situations, it's going to be tough.

Donthate · 30/12/2016 10:02

My friend was in exactly the same position. They are now happily married and have her step ds in their lives. I'm not saying it was always easy but they have made it work.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/12/2016 10:02

Well you're a better person than me.
This situation would have me running a mile!
This is going to affect the rest of your life if you stay with this man.
I couldn't deal with it all.
I'd need some space away to think about how this will affect me and my life.
You'll feel resentful for many many years with the child in the picture.
You sound young so you can start a whole fresh life with someone who isn't going to have baggage.
Who you can share 'firsts' with.
Your first child together.....etc...

Maudlinmaud · 30/12/2016 10:03

Seriously? You have to ask.

Ilovecaindingle · 30/12/2016 10:03

The fact that he was already dating someone so soon doesn't say much for his feelings for you really!
And I hope you have been tested for sti's since he didn't use condoms either.

Maybe a poll would be appropriate for your post.

Run ×
Stay
Sorry but staying and have 18 years of mama drama isn't a pleasant prospect.

namechange102 · 30/12/2016 10:03

Oh dear, no experience of this but you have my sympathies. Didn't take him long to start sleeping with someone else though. And I know you said the pregnancy was a shock all round, but it seems mighty careless. Are you really sure he's 100% committed to being back with you alone? Seems this has the potential to get very messy.

Branleuse · 30/12/2016 10:05

its not worth it. You could be really happy with someone else OP

BusterGonad · 30/12/2016 10:06

I would leave him, he can't of loved you much if he was banging someone else so soon!

Original poster
user1483090973 · 30/12/2016 10:08

It would be easy for me too just walk away but i love this man and he loves me i don't want anyone else. I know that it's not going to be easy. We all make mistakes some bigger than others. So why should that stop me being happy. Im glad someone has been in the same boat and has come through it all xx

OP posts:
Olbasoiltime · 30/12/2016 10:08

Run fast.

I've seen this scenario play out a few times. Even when it hasn't been a complete shit show, it's been barely worth it

birdybirdywoofwoof · 30/12/2016 10:09

You poor thing, this will change bringer to do your head in though...I'm with everyone else, best to split now.

Do you have family/friends who know? I bet they say the same, don't they?

birdybirdywoofwoof · 30/12/2016 10:10

You don't sound happy at all.

There are other men out there who aren't going to scans, having a baby with another woman, you know that, right?

nethunsreject · 30/12/2016 10:11

There will be other guys for you. Six weeks apart and he got another woman pregnant? Nah. Fuck that shit. You're worth more.

Original poster
user1483090973 · 30/12/2016 10:12

True he shouldnt have been stupid,and i skeot with someone whilst on the break didnt mean anything . Ive got a child with someone else shes 8 now. And he's brilliant with my daughter.

OP posts:
areyoubeingserviced · 30/12/2016 10:12

Run for the hills.

BusterGonad · 30/12/2016 10:14

You slept with some else too? You two don't waste time!

Aderyn2016 · 30/12/2016 10:14

Honestly, if this was me I wouldn't be able to cope with this situation. I would want him to financially support the child (so at this point that means contributing to what thr mother needs to buy for the baby in advance) but to not have any further involvement until the child is born and of an age to be able to visit him independently of the mother. There is no reason why he needs to attend the scans.
Once the child is born, contact could be at a contact centre until the baby is old enough to be away from the mum.
This would be non negotiable with me and if my terms were unacceptable to my partner, he and I would part company and that would be for the best.
If you stay with him, you must accept that this child's needs have to be prioritised amd you must he willing to love and welcome the child, who is the innocent party. Your bf has put you in this position, not the baby, who deserves to feel part of your family.
If you cannot love and accept the child, the right thing is to leave. But I feel it will be easier for you to accept the child if it doesn't come with your partner being involved in the ex's life on a day to day basis.

birdybirdywoofwoof · 30/12/2016 10:17

How does the pregnant woman feel about you guys? Does she sound nice, easy going?

The first year or so with a newborn are particularily hard- well you know this- are you happy to have him disappear for hours/nights to be there/with her for the baby?

RacoonBandit · 30/12/2016 10:18

The child and the mum will always be in his life.

If you are struggling now with him going to scans what do you think it will be like when he goes to school plays, parents evenings and various other occasions?

And please please don't think having your own baby with him will make you feel better. I know you have not said that but I do wonder if you have thought it.