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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please give me courage to call 999 and leave H

209 replies

Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:05

Please. I have already put a tag marker on my number for 999.

Yesterday and today he's been a nasty bully to me, in front of the dc, and today in public and in front of the dc at the supermarket. He's on medication and is on a course for partners who DA. He's also supposed to have self referred for counselling for his MH but has yet to. I'm worried for my dc seeing the police take their daddy away in the police car. I don't want them to see that.
SS are already involved as they needed to check if the dc are OK and not being effected. SS have said they have no concerns for the dc after speaking with them (nor do the school) and as H is taking proper steps to address his issues.

Yesterday he called me a cuntSad

OP posts:
sodonesooverit · 28/12/2016 16:08

If he is going to be like that in public, then he will only be gearing up for worse at home. You have to protect your little ones. I'm scared to leave mine as well but the ladies here will help you

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:09

I'm scared, I feel very overwhelmed

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:10

We have jointly accumulated debt of £9.5k. All in my name

OP posts:
ConkerTriumphant · 28/12/2016 16:13

Don't let money be the reason why you have to stay.

Debts can be sorted. Later.

Get yourself free first and deal with the rest later. Be strong xx

redcaryellowcar · 28/12/2016 16:13

I'm sorry I don't have any experience of this, but I do know you need to put your and your children's safety first. Please do this. Have you called women's aid, they seem to come highly recommended for advice in this type of situation. Will be thinking of you. Please stay safe.

Applesauce29 · 28/12/2016 16:13

Forget the debt. That can all be sorted out at a later time, and can be paid off eventually - it's not much in the grand scheme of things. Just make sure you and the kids are ok. Is there family / friends you can go stay with? Just pack a bag and go.

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:15

He's downstairs playing with the youngest. I'm afraid of what/if he'll do when he realises I've called the police. I don't want my dc to see

OP posts:
Heirhelp · 28/12/2016 16:16

He will just run up more debt if you don't get rid of him. Can you send the children up stairs with a tablet/tv to a neighbours or get a family member to collect them? Repeatedly watching domestic abuse will damage your children. You need to keep them safe.

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:18

I've packed a bag. My ds is and her family are leaving tomorrow to go away for the new year.

I've phoned the national domestic abuse hotline and can't get through. I don't to leave a message.

H and youngest play fighting downstairs. Dc giggling awaySad

OP posts:
toptoe · 28/12/2016 16:18

Counselling doesn't cure abusers I'm afraid. This is him for the majority of his future unless he has an epiphany.

The debts will be there whether you're with him or not. As a single parent you can take control of your debts yourself and not incur any more. If you are in serious trouble moneywise then once single you could declare bankruptcy but you need to get some good advice from CAB (citizens advice bureau). Look up when they are in your area and book an appoinment. They'll give you lots of contact details to start sorting out your life, which you can tackle bit by bit.

WhooooAmI24601 · 28/12/2016 16:20

I don't mean to be glib but if he's treating you so terribly in front of the DC isn't it better for them to see the police taking him away than to see you being attacked and bullied and hurt on a regular basis? One afternoon of stress versus a childhood of it; you know in your heart what you must do. Please, please, protect yourself and your DCs and phone them.

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:21

I know Heir, I love my dc more than anyone or anything in the world. I'm allowing this abusive, controlling, grumpy, and difficult man be around my dc. It's not always like this. The worrying thing is it comes out of no where. He has all the classic signs of an EA. He has got physical and threatening before, SS know this, it's one file

OP posts:
Char22thom · 28/12/2016 16:23

Please understand that by phoning the the police and addressing this issue, you are putting your children first and that staying would put them at risk of seeing DV against you which would be detrimental in the long term X

NotStoppedAllDay · 28/12/2016 16:25

What are you thinking the police will take him away for?

Has he been violent?

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:26

Char, do you think they'll just take him, quickly. I don't want to discuss anything immediately here in the house with them, around dc

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:27

NotStopped, he's been EA

OP posts:
Fallonjamie · 28/12/2016 16:30

He sounds awful but 999 is for emergency services and they won't just take him away unless you are reporting an offence.

NotStoppedAllDay · 28/12/2016 16:31

EA ? But what has he actually done that makes it a police matter?

OnionKnight · 28/12/2016 16:31

He sounds awful but 999 is for emergency services and they won't just take him away unless you are reporting an offence.

This with bells on.

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:31

I've been told by my DA support that EA is illegal. I'm confused

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 28/12/2016 16:33

It's certainly not a 999 matter.

TrippyMcTrapFace · 28/12/2016 16:33

EA isn't illegal and isn't a matter for 999. Unless he's threatened you?

TrippyMcTrapFace · 28/12/2016 16:34

Just read the OP again and see that SS are involved. Is there more to this than you've told us OP?

NotStoppedAllDay · 28/12/2016 16:35

He called you a name?

BatFacedGirl · 28/12/2016 16:35

EA is illegal now and is an arrestable offence

However - it's not a matter for 999 unless you feel physically threatened.