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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please give me courage to call 999 and leave H

209 replies

Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:05

Please. I have already put a tag marker on my number for 999.

Yesterday and today he's been a nasty bully to me, in front of the dc, and today in public and in front of the dc at the supermarket. He's on medication and is on a course for partners who DA. He's also supposed to have self referred for counselling for his MH but has yet to. I'm worried for my dc seeing the police take their daddy away in the police car. I don't want them to see that.
SS are already involved as they needed to check if the dc are OK and not being effected. SS have said they have no concerns for the dc after speaking with them (nor do the school) and as H is taking proper steps to address his issues.

Yesterday he called me a cuntSad

OP posts:
lovelearning · 28/12/2016 18:20

Please give me courage to call 999

OP, are you listening to me?

Call 101 now.

The Police will come to your address.

If necessary, they will restrain your husband.

You and your children will be taken to a refuge.

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 18:21

If she wants to leave, leave.

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 18:23

Lovelearning that quite simply doesn't happen.

BishopBrennansArse · 28/12/2016 18:23

I do understand that sentiment, myoriginal. I get incredibly frustrated at people putting up with abuse, especially as I've got out.

But whilst you're there I'm sure you know you can't see the wood for the trees.

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 18:29

Oh I'm almost out. But the police couldn't do it for me.
And I had oodles of evidence bruises
Telling the op that they will remove him is nonsense. They can't and won't.

lovelearning · 28/12/2016 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

funnyandwittyusername · 28/12/2016 18:35

Myoriginal is right. Lovelearning, you are talking out of your arse. The police don't simply take people to refuges'. The threshold for that is fucking huge. There simply isn't the space

Iris65 · 28/12/2016 18:36

I only got my ex husband out of the house after the last beating he gave me. The police arrested him after I went to the station the morning afterwards. They kept him in custody until I got the locks changed and they released him on bail providing he did not contact me or go near our home.
AFAIK emotional abuse is more difficult to deal with, although calling someone names and abusing them - especially in front of a child - is threatening behaviour and can easily escalate. They may arrest him for that reason and yes, I would definitely ring 999. It is threatening. If a man on the street were doing that there would be no discussion about whether 999 is the right call!

MountainPeaks · 28/12/2016 18:41

OP - how are you now?

Remember that the time you spend on the phone may put you in danger - a quicker call (ie via 999) may be a better option if you can't guarantee being alone to make the 101 call.

Is there any chance your DH will go out tonight?

Starlight2345 · 28/12/2016 18:43

myorigonal that is why I assumed there is far more to it than that.

SparklyMagpie · 28/12/2016 18:47

I hope you are OK and safe OP, I agree phone 101.

Really shocked at some of these answers, I believe there is more to this

MountainPeaks · 28/12/2016 18:47

myoriginal You don't know they can't and then won't. They may not, but we don't know the full story. The OP may not even know the full story - for instance, he may have a past record of this type of behaviour from a previous relationship.

PickAChew · 28/12/2016 18:50

My guess is that op's P has a history of ramping up his hostile and verbally abusive behaviour towards her, before getting physical and this is what OP is afraid of, once visiting family members have left their home.

MountainPeaks · 28/12/2016 18:52

OP Also please remember to clear internet history tonight

Dawndonnaagain · 28/12/2016 19:05

For all of you saying don't call the police, or putting up nice notices in bold, every police dv unit in the country will tell you to call the police for this. I could not, nor could the police give a damn whether or not you consider this an emergency, because actually the police consider any form of domestic violence, be it verbal, emotional, physical, sexual an emergency.
OP Call the damn police and ignore folks on here. ( I have been in this situation).

funnyandwittyusername · 28/12/2016 19:10

No one is saying don't call the police. They're saying it's not a 999 call and to call 101

TriniRedVelvet · 28/12/2016 19:23

OP you were evaluated high risk 2 months ago. Why are you still with this person??? I grew up in an abusive home, my father was diabolical. I'm a grown ass woman and I still resent my mother for keeping me in that situation. There's always a choice, it may not be one you like but it would be better than exposing children to this.

forumdonkey · 28/12/2016 19:24

Dawn I agree with your sentiments, but from my experience my worry is that based on OPs post there is little they would/could do, especially as when the post was wrote he was calmly playing with dcs. Having the police arrive to a 'calm' DF would put her in greater danger from him especially if they don't remove him, because it will be his word against hers. I had enough problems getting the police not to send my exdh back home after he'd been arrested for kicking me. I had previously called 999 for him headbutting me with a witness, I had doors hanging off their hinges, fist imprint dinted in my fridge, a smashed mobile phone, a fork mark in my laminate, missing tooth and I could go on.

I haven't said this in anyway to discourage OP, I think she should leave but given the OP dialing 999 in these circumstances may have a negative effect on the out come.

Fallonjamie · 28/12/2016 19:27

No- one is saying don't involve the Police. They're saying don't call 999 - the emergency services.

QuiteLikely5 · 28/12/2016 19:30

My original your posts are down right offensive, nasty and not in the spirit of this site at all.

the woman needs support and your posts do not reflect that tone at all.

You seem very bitter.

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 19:44

Quite.
I find YOUR post downright offensive.
The op has been called a cunt. Police are not going to remove him for that.

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 19:47

Do you think advising the op to ring 999 and report that she has been called a cunt yesterday is going to help?

1horatio · 28/12/2016 19:48

Haven't read the whole thread.

But what I've seen of myoriginal wasn't offensive.

It's a fact. He won't be removed because he called her a c---

He is quite obviously one himself and the OP should get herself and her children away from him.

But telling her to call 999, when they won't take him away and this may even escalate the situation after they are gone?

That's so irrespective!

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 19:49

The police are going to ask whether she's in danger. Being offended because your husband called you a cunt yesterday is NOT going to meet the criteria for intervention.

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 19:52

The op needs to be directed to services which will help.