Please give me courage to call 999 and leave H

[Kitkat47]

Please. I have already put a tag marker on my number for 999.

Yesterday and today he's been a nasty bully to me, in front of the dc, and today in public and in front of the dc at the supermarket. He's on medication and is on a course for partners who DA. He's also supposed to have self referred for counselling for his MH but has yet to. I'm worried for my dc seeing the police take their daddy away in the police car. I don't want them to see that.
SS are already involved as they needed to check if the dc are OK and not being effected. SS have said they have no concerns for the dc after speaking with them (nor do the school) and as H is taking proper steps to address his issues.

Yesterday he called me a cunt

Here's my worry for OP in the immediate from her OP. She dials 999 and explains what she has here and I fear a few things may happen, firstly they don't attend or if they do and her DH is calm they speak to him and leave. This will encourage her DH further but discourage OP from seeking police assistance in the future.

If he's calm ATM, I would suggest, when he's screaming and name calling would be a good time to dial 999 or go to the police station and make a statement with every incident of his emotional and bullying abuse she can remember.

Fwiw, for me the emotional abuse was far worse than the physical and I lost a tooth because it's so much harder to explain than a bruise.

Op. Do you feel under threat from him now?

is that standard procedure

Kitkat47.

Call 101.

The Police will come to your address and make sure no harm comes to you or your children.

"An emergency is when someone is at risk of getting injured, bring threatened or a crime or is being committed and is in progress. The police should only be called on 999 when: There is a danger to life or a risk of injury being caused imminently"

METROPOLITAN POLICE

I don't think anyone is arguing that EA isn't a crime but that's a different matter to whether it's appropriate for the OP to call 999.

SheSparkles, I've had an email saying you have sent me a message but it's not showing in my inbox?

EA is not a criminal offence - coercive control is but there are specific criteria to be met. And in the first six months of the new law, it was only used 62 times with many Police authorities having not used it at all.

I fundamentally agree that EA in all its severe forms should be prosecuted but I don't want women here to think that this will happen when in most cases, it will not.

I had a senior Police officer (a lovely and sympathetic one) ask me 'how do we stop him doing this to someone else?' then admit that as his behaviour was not covered by the law, there was fuck all to be done.

What happened yesterday OP?

Fallonjamie

The Home Office’s Statutory Guidance Framework on “controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship” includes:

Isolating a person from their friends and family
Controlling what they do, where they go, who they can see, what they wear and when they sleep
Repeatedly putting them down, such as telling them they are worthless
Enforcing rules and activity which humiliate, degrade or dehumanise the victim
Financial abuse
Threats to reveal or publish private information

All covered under the new law. Examples form what the OP has said all fall under this list. Trying hard to think of an EA situation that doesn't fall under this list actually.

The following is from WWW POLICE.UK

Emergency calls

In an emergency please telephone 999

If you are deaf, deafened, hard of hearing or have a speech impairment, a text phone is available on 18000

You should use these numbers if

A crime is happening right now
Someone is in immediate danger, or there is a risk of serious damage to property
A suspect for a serious crime is nearby
There is a traffic collision involving injury or danger to other road users

Yes. That. That's the important thing. You know your husband, and if you think you need to leave, leave. And if you think you need help to leave, ask for help. This isn't 'just called a name'. It's important, for your sake and for your children's.

Please call someone. If your husband isn't keeping to the terms of the agreement, and you don't feel safe, you shouldn't be there, and neither should your children.

Mountain - good luck getting the CPS to prosecute it because it clearly isn't happening in the majority of cases.

I've been there. I was actually sexually assaulted too - the CPS were sympathetic but they have to pursue cases with more than a 50% chance of a successful prosecution. Given the covert nature of most EA and the 'he said, she said' of most sexual offences within relationships that a Jury has to judge beyond reasonable doubt - abuse within relationships is extremely difficult to prove.

I understand that to be honest. Having laws doesn't mean they'll be successfully prosecuted.

Fallonjamie The OP needs to think about staying safe tonight right now and keeping her children safe. She then needs to think about leaving him for good. Thinking about CPS prosecutions is a long way away at the moment for her.

Safety first.

If you're able to tell us what has actually happened OP, it may be easier to give you the correct numbers and/or organisations

OP have you called yet?

All this arguing between us is probably frightening the op off.

Op, nobody is telling you not to get out. We all want you to do that. Everyone is arguing about what is the best way to do it. What were you advised to do in real life?

I agree safety first but not 999. OP should leave or phone 101 if she is worried that he won't leave if asked and she needs Police presence.

Is everyone here missing the fact the OP has a marker and has been assessed as high risk?

Shesparkles- you're a dispatcher/operator? In no way is this a 9s call. Whilst coercive control is EA, not all EA falls under coercive control legislation. In fact it is one of the most wooly pieces of legislation ever constructed. The idea that police would simply turn up and take him away for this is nonsense. You'd struggle with the code g criteria for a start

So she can call 999 today and say that he called her a cunt yesterday?

Op we have very little information other than he called you a cunt to go on..You know whether you are at physical risk right now.

I am not sure what got you to the state you feel panicked with everyone happy downstairs.. It is important you are all safe.

No one is doubting you should leave..unless in Physical danger don't call 999 but do get out. whether tonight , tomorrow or the next day...

I very much doubt it's just being called a cunt.
The OP probably senses through previous experience of violent incidents that something is building. She's considered at risk because of previous incidents.

This is not the time to have words on a screen battles or try to ridicule the OP. Go to AIBU if you want to play nasty.

Bishop - high risk on MARAC doesn't mean what it used to. And in my experience, it's still prioritised in order for an emergency call. So if it's the OP saying he's been a bully the last few days and is currently downstairs playing with the DC, then it won't be responded to as an acute emergency.

Some of us actually have experienced domestic abuse and violence.
This apparently once off is making a mockery of me personally.
Being called a cunt is a good day for me.

Yes, surely the marker is there in case of dramatic escalation and physical attack. Yes, that could happen which is why OP should leave before it does. Thus sparing herself, her dc and the emergency services. She should not ring 999 to tell them that she may at some future point be in a situation where she would need to call 999.

Fair dos.
Myoriginal I'm not posting from a position of ignorance myself, either.
It's historic, but I remember well talking about one thing when far worse had happened.