Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Please give me courage to call 999 and leave H

209 replies

Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:05

Please. I have already put a tag marker on my number for 999.

Yesterday and today he's been a nasty bully to me, in front of the dc, and today in public and in front of the dc at the supermarket. He's on medication and is on a course for partners who DA. He's also supposed to have self referred for counselling for his MH but has yet to. I'm worried for my dc seeing the police take their daddy away in the police car. I don't want them to see that.
SS are already involved as they needed to check if the dc are OK and not being effected. SS have said they have no concerns for the dc after speaking with them (nor do the school) and as H is taking proper steps to address his issues.

Yesterday he called me a cuntSad

OP posts:
NotStoppedAllDay · 28/12/2016 16:50

So he calls her a 'daft cow.... she rings 999 and police race round and arrest him? Hmm

NewNNfor2017 · 28/12/2016 16:50

kitkat The police will ask for specifics. What words did he use. What his body language was like? Whether you felt threatened.

No one is doubting he is abusing you, but in order to get the help you need, it's important that you use the appropriate services to support you.
The 999 service is for emergencies - and using it inappropriately will put someone else at risk who needs it.

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:50

lovelearning is that standard procedure. 999 have tag marked my phone number. My risk assessment, which was done around 2 months ago, put me at high risk.

OP posts:
SheSparkles · 28/12/2016 16:51

Calling you a cunt isn't enough for the police to take him away.

In Scotland, it very likely would be, especially with a history like this man has

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:51

I've had a few days worth of insults and nasty jibes NotStopped

OP posts:
SheSparkles · 28/12/2016 16:52

Kit Kat you're a high risk victims, you'll have a marker for high priority response, please call 999

Original poster
Kitkat47 · 28/12/2016 16:53

Shesparkles, you're in Scotland?

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 28/12/2016 16:53

If they've tagged your phone as high risk then that's probably different and they will come.

I don't know enough to know if they will.

In my experience, they wouldn't.

Cocacolaandchocolate · 28/12/2016 16:53

Hi OP. Please call your IDVA... and women's aid. 0808 2000 247

They can help you

Cocacolaandchocolate · 28/12/2016 16:54

If your a flag please call police. They too can help.

NewNNfor2017 · 28/12/2016 16:55

I've had a few days worth of insults and nasty jibes

Do you believe your safety is at risk? What has made you decide to call 999 now rather than a few days ago when he started calling you names?
These will all be questions the police will ask.

PossumInAPearTree · 28/12/2016 16:55

If you want to leave him (i.e., you leave the house) and are worried he will kick off then I do think the police will come if asked and supervise while you physically leave the house with your stuff. From what you've said though I really don't think they will arrest him.

Can you ring the non emergency police number for advice? 101

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 16:56

I've never heard of having a marker on your number.
I don't think they will remove him from what you describe. You're not in danger so ss may be the best involvement as they will protect the children

NormaSmuff · 28/12/2016 16:56

can you take the dc and go somewhere?

PossumInAPearTree · 28/12/2016 16:56

You can also text if that's easier,

Yes, you can textphone 18001 101.

Abecedario · 28/12/2016 16:57

If they've tagged your number, and risk assessment has said that's what you should do, then do that and ignore what others are saying.

If you've called the wrong number they can only tell you so and point you in the right direction x

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 16:57

Can he leave?
Can you leave?

horizontilting · 28/12/2016 16:57

I see he's threatened to strangle you before, OP

I think you may be the poster who was assessed a couple of months ago as being at high risk because her husband has previously put his hands around her throat.

If you are feeling that the risk is escalating or simply that you may be able to leave with your children now, trust your instincts, please. Best of luck xo

SheSparkles · 28/12/2016 16:57

I've never heard of having a marker on your number

Have you actually worked in a police control room? It's very very common

myoriginal3 · 28/12/2016 16:59

No I haven't, but I have been a victim but was never told this.

Violetcharlotte · 28/12/2016 16:59

Oh love. This sounds horrible, I've been in this situation myself and it's frightening, I expect you feel completely overwhelmed. It sounds like you need to get away from this man, but he's not likely to let you just walk out the door with your DC. Do you have any family or friends who can help. My advice is to call 999 if you feel threatened at all and are worried about your safety.

I know I'm where I live there is a lovely DA charity, have you checked to see if there's a service like this in your area? May be easier to speak to someone than one of the nationals.

Nicknacky · 28/12/2016 16:59

SheSparkles, I'm a police officer in Scotland so I know how seriously police take domestic incidents and I have done a couple of stints in the domestic units. But being called a nasty name yesterday (if I remember right) is NOT a matter for 999.

As you know, it's for ongoing incidents, serious incidents that require attendance quickly. And even if she did phone 999 then all would be graded and even though it would be given a higher priority as a domestic incident it would not require an immediate response. I'm surprised you are encouraging 999 use, to be honest.

Lilmisskittykat · 28/12/2016 17:00

This really isn't what 999 is for. Unless you are in serious danger right now or have just been attacked. What do you want the police to do? They can't just take him away

You need a time when he is away from the house at work say pavk and leave.

MountainPeaks · 28/12/2016 17:00

OP I really feel for you.

Firstly, emotional / Psychological abuse is illegal in the UK.

If you believe your life is in danger or he is going to physically harm you please call 999. If you believe he's going to continue with name calling, call 101.

It is very unlikely he will be arrested though they may ask he stays elsewhere tonight.

Why do social services and school have no concerns after he threatened to strangle you?

Have you tagged your phone or have the police? As I read it you had the number tagged in your phone, but the police haven't placed an automatic tag on your number in their systems.

forumdonkey · 28/12/2016 17:01

I agree sadly, ime I was headbutted in the middle of the day, in the middle of the street in front of my friend. Because he'd drove off and I was with my friend they didn't attend. Well they did attend eventually two days later.

Terrible but to say as OP needs to get away from her abusive twat, but that is my experience. I have more but sometimes it's just too much for me to drag back up

Swipe left for the next trending thread