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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm a Fucking idiot

209 replies

usedagain · 30/12/2015 23:56

For five fucking years I have supported my "partner" trying to run his own business, he has earned NOTHING in this time. I am in debt now +++ and the cunt tells me that he "thinks the distribution of finances is fair" . I pay all the bills , every single fucking thing for him including my own fucking birthday presents and he thinks this is FAIR.?.

I have been so so so stupid and used.

And now he won't fucking leave MY house.

OP posts:
magoria · 30/12/2015 23:58

Get the ball rolling on whatever legal channels you need to get him out if it is your house.

It may cost you but nothing compared to what you have already paid out.

Also stop paying now for his food or anything else. Phone contracts etc.

Sorry you are going through this. You will get there!

Original poster
usedagain · 31/12/2015 00:02

I have taken his phone . I don't know if I can cancel the contract ? Or sell the phone. It's in my name (of course) and it's an iPhone 6.

He has never paid one penny to the house or bills, the mortgage is in my name only. Can I just tell him to go?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 31/12/2015 00:03

You aren't married to him are you?

Angleshades · 31/12/2015 00:04

Yes if you're not married you can chuck him out. Just change the locks while he's out.

Original poster
usedagain · 31/12/2015 00:05

No I am not married to him.

OP posts:
OutToGetYou · 31/12/2015 00:05

Is the house itself in your name? If so, and you're not married, just tell him to go. Might be kind to give him a week to get sorted?

TPel · 31/12/2015 00:15

Yep. You can just tell him to go. He doesn't have any rights to stay in your house.

Make sure you change all the locks on the house, hide all your important documents now and do a credit check to make sure he hasn't run up debts you don't know about.

magoria · 31/12/2015 00:16

Are there any DC?

It probably will get nasty anyway as he is not going to want to lose his golden goose but the less nasty it can be done the better.

If no DC. Get a new barrel for your lock tomorrow, youtube how to change it and don't give him a key. Unless you have complicated locks it took me 5 minutes to swap my back door one when I had no key.

How about your phone/contract? Which ends first that you can sell? Sky? Virgin? Change all the passwords so he no longer has access. Any you can stop to save yourself some money?

How much debt are you in? Are you mortgaged? Can you extend the mortgage to pay a lower interest? Or shop around for the lowest interest card/loan you can get to try and save you some money.

magoria · 31/12/2015 00:17

Also make sure he has no access to your online banking. Change all passwords and pin numbers.

Even if you don't think he has them.

Cancel any cards you have in his name.

Any joint accounts he can access?

AnyFucker · 31/12/2015 00:19

Lordy, you really need to get busy

No kids, no wedding ring ...you can erase him from your life fairly easily

But protect yourself, fgs, he won't go easily

Original poster
usedagain · 31/12/2015 00:33

No joint children. Mine only live here. His are adult.

OP posts:
hefzi · 31/12/2015 00:34

Just be aware, if you've signed to say he can have a card on your account, whether credit or debit, they will be bastards about blocking them: best to report as stolen instead and have them send the new cards to you (if they insist on reissuing) and then cut them up voice of bitter experience

If you have a formal joint bank account, move all your money out of it now, and terminate any arranged overdraft etc

You can only cancel a contract under certain conditions unless it's one that rolls month to month, so you might need to keep paying that until the contract end.

Good luck - this happened to me and I was £200k royally shafted in the aftermath: learn from my mistakes and do your best to protect yourself. Oh - and kick the fucker right into touch and out of the house NOW: bugger being fair - being fair would have been him paying his way for the last five years, not bleeding you dry with no remorse.

Original poster
usedagain · 31/12/2015 00:35

I am so angry , I could shove him out tonight. Much too angry to sleep

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/12/2015 00:37

what was the final straw ?

Dipankrispaneven · 31/12/2015 00:39

Tell him to go. If he won't, wait till he goes out and then change the locks. Contact him to tell him when he can collect his belongings and put them outside the door in bin bags at that time. Not including the phone you paid for.

SnakesandKnives · 31/12/2015 00:50

You're NOT a fucking idiot. He's just a cunt.

Nothing else constructive to add to the advice above, but you've been a lovely and wonderful person.

shazzarooney99 · 31/12/2015 00:51

If he wont leave then phone the police they can remove him, and yes hes taking you for a mug xxxx

ohtheholidays · 31/12/2015 01:18

The phones in your name so yes of course you can cancel it.

Your not married,no children together and the house is yours and in your name only.Tell him to leave,he has no legal standing but you have lots.If he refuses tell him your calling the Police.If he still refuses they can and will remove him from your house for you(my DH is a Police Officer)they can also have someone present when/if he needs to pick stuff up from your house and your worried that he will refuse to leave again.

Bogeyface · 31/12/2015 01:26

Sorry if I missed something, is he now earning from his business and refusing to contribute to the house?

Either way, bin him off.

CalleighDoodle · 31/12/2015 01:28

What does He do that makes him think this is fair?!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 31/12/2015 01:29

In the next day or two get all your ducks in a row. Remove his access to any of your money and change passwords/PINs to absolutely everything you can think of. DO NOT give him any inkling that you will get him removed from your home until you've protected yourself from him.

And no, you are not a fucking idiot. You're decent, kind and sincere, who tried to help someone who was not deserving of your kindness and hard work. An ugly realisation but in the long-term a very valuable one, I think.

Get busy. Then get him out. Good luck to you!

Original poster
usedagain · 31/12/2015 01:32

The final straw was him telling me that this situation is FAIR ... That the odd fucking dinner he cooks for my kids and a bit of DIY is recompense for £24k real money i have given him / spent on him in the last 12 months ( not to mention the roof over his fucking head the food he eats, beer he drinks, fags he smokes)

I honestly thought he was low because he "couldn't pay his way" now I realise he has no intention of EVERpaying his way.

The cunt

hefzi I am so sorry that happened to you. I am not as bad - about £70k total unsecured debt at the moment. But pretty fucking bad. How did you pay all that back?

Can I take him to the small claims court for the equipment I bought him? I could sell that

I am so angry and upset. Really desperately upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
usedagain · 31/12/2015 01:34

He is earning Zilch, NADA nowt,

He spends plenty though. Pins changed on bank card, credit card - the only one he has access too - reported lost / stolen.

What next ?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 31/12/2015 01:45

Re small claims, its doubtful as unless you have proof that it was to be paid back, he would claim it was a gift and you would probably not see a penny.

However, if you have it in your home.......

Bogeyface · 31/12/2015 01:47

Keep any cash you have in the house, safe, including any money in the kids money boxes (you would not believe what some people will do when their cash cow refuses to be milked).

Then give him 24 hours in writing and email informing him that you will be contacting the police if he doesnt leave in order to have him removed.