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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm a Fucking idiot

209 replies

usedagain · 30/12/2015 23:56

For five fucking years I have supported my "partner" trying to run his own business, he has earned NOTHING in this time. I am in debt now +++ and the cunt tells me that he "thinks the distribution of finances is fair" . I pay all the bills , every single fucking thing for him including my own fucking birthday presents and he thinks this is FAIR.?.

I have been so so so stupid and used.

And now he won't fucking leave MY house.

OP posts:
Original poster
usedagain · 03/01/2016 18:00

He is not here still. This is good for me as I can think and rest, I am much less angry now, but completely resolute that I will not pay one more penny to him. I have. Any questions, but I think I will never have answers

I'm also really scared about how I will repay this . I know that I need to just start chipping away ....

When he has been here he has slept on he sofa: the kids know all us not well, but not exactly what or why ....

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 03/01/2016 18:14

Do I understand that you've given him two weeks? That's more than I would have done. But do you think you might want to amend that to say that he can only be there to sleep and eat? That he isn't to be hanging around the house (annoying and upsetting) nor be there when you are out (snooping or stealing)? I think that's not an unreasonable request. AND I'd ask him for the key back right now.

forumdonkey · 03/01/2016 18:31

I wonder if his exGF has a similar story to you, given that she was taxing and insuring his car. Did he move into the borrowed house when she kicked him out (I can't see anyone moving out of a permanent home to do this) ?

louisatwo · 03/01/2016 19:03

Used.. I'm with those who say 'change your mind and tell him to go NOW' You are feeling the anger of someone who has been used and exploited for too long. You need to stay in touch with that anger and let that dictate what happens now.
FWIW, it took me a year of limping along trying to 'fix' my relationship with my freeloading, waste of space ex. I just couldn't take that final step and it wasn't until I finally exploded and said 'no more' that I was able to move on. It has taken me several years before I have finally forgiven myself for my foolishness in accepting such a waster into my life. I'm older than you and I wonder whether that fear of being alone turned me into such an accepting wuss!
You will be fine but make him go now! Don't let him use up your energy, compassion and space - let him face the consequences of hs actions for the first time in years! Good luck.

Joysmum · 07/01/2016 01:06

Hope you're ok usedagain Flowers

Homebird8 · 07/01/2016 08:16

Just thinking about you and hoping he has stayed away. How are things?

EightYearsWasted · 07/01/2016 13:33

I could've written your initial and subsequent posts OP...

The only difference being I had to deal with violence and aggression whilst removing him from my home. This was 18 months ago and I haven't looked back since. Good luck with everything, I guarantee you will not regret getting rid of him.

NameChange30 · 07/01/2016 13:54

DO NOT let him back in your house. Change the locks TODAY and do not let him in.

He is not your problem any more. He will actually be fine, he has options - but he will only resort to them if cocklodging at your house is no longer an option.

Samantha28 · 07/01/2016 14:23

Every time you feel sad and sorry for him .....

Think of all the things that your kids will go short of over the next few years, while you pay off his debt

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