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Original poster

Husband meeting sister secretly. Advice needed.

182 replies

Annoyedandannoyed · 21/08/2012 17:30

I've already written in the past about my husband making secret phone calls to his sister. Long story short, she didnt want him to marry me and then never came to visit our children when they were born.

A few months ago I found that husband was making secret phone calls to her, which I pulled him up on. I don't care if he phones her, but I find it horrible that he hides it from me.

Today I've found out he lied to me about goIng to work and went to visit her family this morning.

I've been asking him for weeks to take us to the beach or theme park and he "can't get any time off " but he's taken a whole day off to spend with his sister. Last night he told me he will check his rota of he has any days off, but he couldn't tell me he was visiting her.

I've left the house with my children and am sitting in the park. I don't want to face him. It's lie after lie with him.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 21/08/2012 17:32

Has he said why he feels the need to hide it if you don't care that he rings her?

Naysa · 21/08/2012 17:34

Why is he not allowed to contact his sister? You sound like you're being unreasonable "I've left the house with my children and am sitting in the park. I don't want to face him. It's lie after lie with him." What? If you leave the house with your children because he visits her why would he want to tell you about it in the first place?

Naysa · 21/08/2012 17:34

Why is he not allowed to contact his sister? You sound like you're being unreasonable "I've left the house with my children and am sitting in the park. I don't want to face him. It's lie after lie with him." What? If you leave the house with your children because he visits her why would he want to tell you about it in the first place?

ColouringIn · 21/08/2012 17:36

No - the OP is not being unreasonable at all. he is lying to her after she was treated in an appalling way b y his sister. He has chosen to visit his sister while saying he was at work when he could have been taking his children out. Now he isn't sure he can get extra time off, I'd be furious personally.

Original poster
Annoyedandannoyed · 21/08/2012 17:37

He knows I hate his lying. When he lies to me, it feels like he's backbiting me with his sister. Why can't he talk to her openly? Or tell me he's meeting her? We have a lot of problems in our marriage because of him being untruthful all the time.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 21/08/2012 17:38

OP hasn't said he's not "allowed" to ring/visit his sister. She's cross that he's lied.

Original poster
Annoyedandannoyed · 21/08/2012 17:38

I've been asking him to take us out for weeks and he never has time for me or our children.

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 21/08/2012 17:43

Were you the op who thinks her dh is shagging his own sister?

Rindercella · 21/08/2012 17:43

I don't think the OP is being the least bit unreasonable. She hasn't said that she doesn't want her H contacting his sister, in fact she clearly states that, "I don't care if he phones her, but I find it horrible that he hides it from me.". So it is not the fact that he is contacting/seeing his sister, it's that he is lying to her about it. I do wish people would read before posting.

OP, I would be fuming if I were you. I would ask him calmly why he felt the need to lie to you about the phone calls and visiting. I would also ask him why he would prioritise those visits above spending time with his children.

Why did you and his sister fall out to begin with out of interest? I know you said that she didn't want you to marry her brother, but why do you think that was?

FranSanDisco · 21/08/2012 17:44

Naysa, please READ the OP properly ffs before you offer your wisdom Hmm.

BellaOfTheBalls · 21/08/2012 17:49

YANBU. If you were banning him from seeing his sister that would be out of order but you're not, you're simply asking him to be honest with you and he isn't. Why does he feel the need to hide it from you? And telling you he's not got a day off to spend with his wife and children then sneaking off to see his sister isn't on really.

Like you say, I don't think it's the situation that is the issue. It is the lying and withholding the information from you that is.

Original poster
Annoyedandannoyed · 21/08/2012 17:49

She just refused to speak to me or talk to me. There wasnt a big fall out as such. When I had my dd I thought that would end her blanking me, but she never came to visit.

What annoys me is that he has taken time off and will probably go and spoil his niece and nephew, but his sister has never even tried to acknowledge our children. She hates his children but he still runs to her.

OP posts:
charlottehere · 21/08/2012 17:51

NU at all OP.

Fairenuff · 21/08/2012 17:51

OP why does he not tell you when he contacts her?

FranSanDisco · 21/08/2012 17:52

I think I would feel betrayed that how she treats his dc has no bearing on his relationship with her.

Rindercella · 21/08/2012 17:52

Oh God, that's awful. What was your husband-to-be's reaction at his sister's bizarre behaviour towards you at the time?

Naysa · 21/08/2012 17:56

I did read it :) and it's pretty obvious that OP doesn't like DH ringing his sister otherwise she wouldn't have acted in such a childish and OTT way...

Naysa · 21/08/2012 17:56

I did read it :) and it's pretty obvious that OP doesn't like DH ringing his sister otherwise she wouldn't have acted in such a childish and OTT way...

Original poster
Annoyedandannoyed · 21/08/2012 17:56

He's never cared from the start. It's like he likes to keep me separate from his family. He has also spOken quite badly about me to them in the past. Apparantly I don't make him his dinner on time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoyedandannoyed · 21/08/2012 17:57

Naysa, I've brought my ch

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 21/08/2012 18:01

Saying she hates his children is rather OTT don't you think.

I suggest you do a search as there is someone else on here who has a problem with her husband ringing his sister.

If he never cared from the start, why marry him and have children with him?

Houseofplain · 21/08/2012 18:03

I suggest you do a search as there is someone else on here who has a problem with her husband ringing his sister

This

FranSanDisco · 21/08/2012 18:20

Naysa you may have read it but you didn't comprehend it - not the same thing Hmm.

Schlock · 21/08/2012 18:22

Well there's your problem OP. If he bad mouths you to his family then of course they're not going to like you! It's a shame they didn't give you the courtesy of finding out for themselves but it sounds like his sister is the least of your problems.

FranSanDisco · 21/08/2012 18:26

If my SIL didn't make my db's dinner on time I would think 'so what, make yer own you lazy sod'. I don't make dh a dinner at all most nights. My MIL might be miffed but no-one else knows or cares including him. OP he sounds very immature and needs to grow a back bone and stop being the 'little bro'.