Husband meeting sister secretly. Advice needed.

[Annoyedandannoyed]

I've already written in the past about my husband making secret phone calls to his sister. Long story short, she didnt want him to marry me and then never came to visit our children when they were born.

A few months ago I found that husband was making secret phone calls to her, which I pulled him up on. I don't care if he phones her, but I find it horrible that he hides it from me.

Today I've found out he lied to me about goIng to work and went to visit her family this morning.

I've been asking him for weeks to take us to the beach or theme park and he "can't get any time off " but he's taken a whole day off to spend with his sister. Last night he told me he will check his rota of he has any days off, but he couldn't tell me he was visiting her.

I've left the house with my children and am sitting in the park. I don't want to face him. It's lie after lie with him.

[balotelli]

He obviously does not respect you at all.

Let him make his own dinner then, lazy git.

List all his good points and the reasons you are with him, then all his bad points and why you would be better off wothout him.


Then leave the bastard anyway.

[FranSanDisco]

Balotelli, LOL but good suggestion.

[chickenwingsmmmm]

Does he lie about other things?

[Annoyedandannoyed]

Sorry it started raining and had to run out of the park to the car.

I brought my children out because dd has had a shit summer holiday. I want her to have fun. I stupidly thought we'd have more fun if he was with us, but I know we can fun without him too.

I know he's the problem. I met his brother yesterday and asked him if he was free today and he could come around, but he told me he was working. I know his brother was at his sisters house too. So they all had a nice get together with their kids, excluding ours.

[jimmenycricket]

He sounds like a real catch OP

Why on earth are you with someone who badmouths you to his relatives. You and your children are his immediate family and you need to stick together. If he can't do that, he doesn't want to be part of that family IMO.

[FranSanDisco]

OMG really - they are all having a get together. If it was me someone would have to hide the knives. You and your dcs deserve so much more than this. You need to tell him that he either puts you first or fucks off basically.

[Annoyedandannoyed]

He won't put us first. I feel sorry for my children. They have an aunt who doesn't give a shit about them. Yet her children get good attention from their uncle.

[Rindercella]

I think that's a horrible way to be treated. I am so sorry.

You need to have this out with him, in a constructive, non-shouty way (however hard that might be). Of course he needs to see and interact with his extended family, but not at the cost of his wife and own children.

[Annoyedandannoyed]

I just phoned home and he's back. I didnt talk to him. I'm taking the children to the beach on my own tomorrow.

Now I know why he was being so nice to me yesterday. He cleaned the bathroom and was generally being a nicer person than normal. He knew he was about to lie to me.

[FranSanDisco]

God he sounds spineless. I'd tell him you know where he's been and see what he has to say.

[Wowserz129]

There is no way I would tolerate that. If anything I would find it humiliating if my husband was doing stuff like that behind my back and the family knew about it.

Sounds like he needs to get his priorities right! I hope you don't let him get away with treating you like that.

X

[JustFabulous]

When you get married it should be normal for your spouse to become more important than your birth family. And by more, I mean they should come first and have all your loyalties. You can still have a relationship with your birth family but not at the expense of your spouse feeling shite.

[Doha]

you and your DC's deserve better than this lying weak toad OP.

[fiventhree]

He is unfaithful?

It is possible that he talks to his sister because he can tell her the truth, because she is enabling him and supporting him uncritically.

Of course, he is using both of you, as well as those women.

[Annoyedandannoyed]

Yes, wowserz. I do find it humiliating.

The more I think about it, the angrier I am getting. He had a day off on Monday, and talked me out of going to the beach because he wanted to meet his brother. So we went and spent the whole day at his house. Then he had this planned for Tuesday. Wtf. We obviously aren't important to him.

[Annoyedandannoyed]

No he's not unfaithful as in having an affair...but what the hell do I know eh? He can't even tell me when he goes to visit family, so how the hell do I know he wouldn't do that?

[Doha]

His time off seems to involve his family with you and your DC's tagging along if it suits him.
Does he ever do anything with just you anad the DC's--how old are they?

I think it is the lying that would really finish me off, he has no respect for you or the DC's and you are a poot second to his siblings.

No excuse he can give will be good enough...

[Annoyedandannoyed]

No, I can't remember the last time we've had a family day out. Probably June 2011 when we went to London for a day. He never goes anywhere with us, or offers to take us anywhere. I had my son in January, and have been a bit housebound with him otherwise I would have made sure I gave DD a good summer before she starts school. The thing that pisses me off is that he tells me time and time again he has no time off; that his manager won't give him time off. We could have had a lovely day out, just the 4 of us, but he left at 7am this morning to be with his sister.

[Annoyedandannoyed]

I dont know what to do. Should I talk to him about this? He's got a face on like thunder because I wasn't supposed to find out. I don't know how to tell him I am angry he lies to me over and over again. Wtf is his fucking problem?

[MrMiyagi]

Why would he bother hiding it if you genuinely "didn't mind"? More to this story than we're being told.

[MrsClown1]

Bless you, you are definitely not BU. Your husband's 1st loyalty should be to you and your children IMO. My DH family have been nothing but nasty to me. DH has contact with them but definitely puts me first, which IMO is the way it should be. I would be livid if he did what your DH did. My DH sticks up for me if anyone pulls me down.

OP - I am sure you deserve better treatment than this. Talk to your DH and tell him how you feel. If he doesnt understand you know he isnt worth worrying about.

[Chubfuddler]

We can't help you. You need to talk to him. Or rather you need to ask him why he feels the need to lie to you, and then listen.

[Doha]

He's got a face on like thunder because I wasn't supposed to find out

How dare he.....you have every right to ba nagry and pissed off. Think l would be telling himif she means that much to him to fuck off back to his sisters. Give you the oportunity to fing someone who wants to spend time with you and your DC's.
Seriously just what do you get out of this relationship Annoyed?

[Annoyedandannoyed]

MrMiyagi, if I knew why he was hiding it from me, would I be posting here? I'd know somewhere deep down the reason behind him hiding stuff from me wouldn't I? I seriously have no idea why he does this. He never had proper parenting whilst growing up. No one to give him curfews or ask him where he was going or when he was coming back. He thinks if I ask him when he will be back home from work, that is classed as keeping tabs and henpecking.

He doesn't understand he has a family. He wants to carry on living a single life, but having someone at home to cook his dinner and lookafter his children whilst he goes off and does what he feels like.

[Doha]

Just tell him to fuck off then--he wants to live the life of a single man but have his "domestic" at home to keep the house and laundry up to date. He doesn't understand family life simply because he doesn't want to.

Really don't like your (D)H