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Mumsnet shit tips of the day - come add yours

252 replies

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 09:14

Have your children delivered by caesarian on 29th February to save on children's birthday parties later on.

OP posts:
DarrellRivers · 09/11/2009 09:25

Get children into school uniform at bedtime

AnyFucker · 09/11/2009 09:27

pour the milk on the weetabix the night before to save time in the morning

NorbertDentressangle · 09/11/2009 09:29

Tie dusters to the knees of your crawling child to save sweeping your hard floors.

BigHairyLeggedSpider · 09/11/2009 09:43

Never call your relation names during conversations with your DH in earshot of your children. The next time they visit your sister they WILL call her "Auntie Big-Arse"

GentleOtter · 09/11/2009 09:46

Superglue lots of feathers to the guinea pig's feet and it will soon clean all those hard to reach corners.

shockers · 09/11/2009 09:58

Buy onions instead of apples... they're cheaper.

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 09/11/2009 10:00

at this thread.

Chickenshavenolips · 09/11/2009 10:02

Don't bother cleaning your house, just move when you have to wade through the sheer amount of crap.

GentleOtter · 09/11/2009 10:12

Seal off really untidy rooms with crime scene tape over the doors.

pagwatch · 09/11/2009 10:14

when your son introduces you to his girlfriend just imediately slap her. It will cut to the chase. She's going to hate you anyway whatever you do so you might as well get a free hit in.

GunpowderTreasonAndDragons · 09/11/2009 10:14

Put your baby in a padded suit, spray polish on the laminate in the hall and play "hurling" to while away the dull winter evenings.

dilemma456 · 09/11/2009 10:15

Message withdrawn

Chickenshavenolips · 09/11/2009 10:18

When making a nutritious meal for your family, bypass the face pulling and complaining and just empty the plates straight into the bin. It saves time.

GentleOtter · 09/11/2009 10:21

Keep the guinea pig in the fridge and then you will not have that problem with the half eaten cabbage or mouldy tomatoes. Easy to clean out too.

shootfromthehip · 09/11/2009 10:22

Indulge your inner 'Stepford' Mummy and make your own biscuits. And then misread the ingredient measurements and make 4 times the amount you want. And then burn them to save everyone having to eat them.

BigHairyLeggedSpider · 09/11/2009 10:26

Feed your new hamster straight to the cats. It'll save heartbreak in the long run.

pagwatch · 09/11/2009 10:27

The very first time you make a raost dinner try and massively undercook it. You will never then have to do it again.
(copyright Pagwatch @1989)

Every time you are asked to load the dishwasher, break something. You will soon find you are not asked anymore
(copyright Pagboy @ 2009)

scrappydappydoo · 09/11/2009 10:28

Grin Grin Grin

pagwatch · 09/11/2009 10:35

ROFL at "it'll save heartbreak in the long run"

ParanoidAtAllTimes · 09/11/2009 10:42

Never iron. Clothes will only end up creased anyway. Never make the bed for similar reasons.

BigHairyLeggedSpider · 09/11/2009 11:09

When your lovely offspring does a poo, smear it all over the floor/your hair/clothes to save them the bother.

MrsChemist · 09/11/2009 11:12

If you're not sure if food has gone off, give some to the cat. If it eats it, it's probably ok.


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rosie39forever · 09/11/2009 11:18

Don't waste time putting a bra on , they're gonna head south sooner or later!

schiaparellipink · 09/11/2009 11:32

used tampons rolled in glitter make delightful christmas tree decorations

YanknCock · 09/11/2009 11:37

Paranoid, have you been watching me?

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