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Mumsnet shit tips of the day - come add yours

252 replies

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 09:14

Have your children delivered by caesarian on 29th February to save on children's birthday parties later on.

OP posts:
Annabel1 · 10/11/2009 10:25

crying laughing! Thank you - needed that!!

Chickenshavenolips · 10/11/2009 10:30

If you have young sons, remember to wear socks every time you enter the bathroom. This way, you will mop up the gallons of wee that are puddled around the toilet, without the need for a mop!

StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2009 10:30

if you have an ill toddler, mix some milky weetabix & tip it over your sofa - that's breakfast out of the way

Chickenshavenolips · 10/11/2009 10:32

When you wash your tea towels, immediately take them outside and jump up and down on them. This will stop you crying when the dc's decide to use them as blankets for the chickens.

StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2009 10:33

every morning, come downstairs and chuck all the sofa cushions on the floor to make ladders

4andnotout · 10/11/2009 10:45

Naming your children is completely unessesary why not assign them a number instead.

CitizenPrecious · 10/11/2009 10:57

Veg box buyers- fed up of spending the week fretting about what to to with curly kale and fennel bulbs, and how to get the kids to eat grapes with pips in, while the whole lot rots slowly in the fridge, or even still in the box?

Save yourself a lot of time and effort by cutting out the middleman and immediately chucking the whole lot in the wheelie bin.

thatsnotmymonster · 10/11/2009 11:02

ROFL

Kids bring home loads of decorated 'junk' from nursery?

Simply put your recycling straight in the bin and save on all the washing and sorting.

weegiemum · 10/11/2009 11:02

Why bother opening your curtains? You're only going to have to close them again later.

Stayingsunnygirl · 10/11/2009 11:20

Make sure one of your dcs gets a vomiting bug on Christmas day - that way you can spend the whole day alternately cooking Christmas dinner and ministering to the sick child, so that you don't notice that the other two dc are eating every single piece of chocolate in the house, and that dh is coming down with the bug too.

That way, when you get to dinner time, you will be the only one who wants to eat roast goose, all the trimmings and christmas pud, and you will rejoice in how much wasted effort you have put into this lovely meal, and wonder why you didn't have a McNugget instead.

shandyleer · 10/11/2009 11:35

I am choking trying to laugh quietly (see thread on jehovah's witnesses - I'm hiding). Especially like the grow the beard and pull it back over the balding head tip.

jeee · 10/11/2009 11:37

I'm saving my crap tips for Take-a-Break, because they pay £25 for them (example, if a handle falls off your mug use it to store pens in).

NorbertDentressangle · 10/11/2009 11:51

Avoid weeks of worrying whether or not your DC are going to get the latest bug thats going around school by planning something really important that you can't get out of (eg. big meeting at work, day out where others are relying on you for a lift etc).

Your child is bound to get the bug and be unable to go to school that day therefore your worrying is over!

NormaSknockers · 10/11/2009 12:08

Don't bother to tidy the mass destruction your children create with toys/books/cushions etc - they'll only do it again 5 minutes later.

NormaSknockers · 10/11/2009 12:08

Use a straw instead of wine glasses, you'll save on washing up & you won't have to keep refilling your glass.

ChristmasMoon · 10/11/2009 12:24

ROFL at suunygirl
'Invest in pieces of plastic fruit to send to school in the dcs' lunchboxes. This way, instead of an apple or banana travelling to school each day, being ignored at lunchtime and brought home again, to go back in tomorrow's lunchbox, until it is too battered to be used again, your dcs will always have a fresh and crisp looking piece of fruit in their lunchboxes. You'll save money on fruit, too.'

and PMSL at Pagwatch slapping the girlfriend

ChristmasMoon · 10/11/2009 12:26

Thatsnotmymonster - I actually do do that

melpomene · 10/11/2009 12:28

Have some of your children's books become tattered, with pages lost or falling out? Combine pages from different books together to make an exciting new book, e.g. "That's not my ... Gruffalo" or "Horrid Henry and the Magic Sparkly Unicorn".

melpomene · 10/11/2009 12:34

Instead of buying an expensive mp3 player for your dc, save money by offering to sing any song they request, at any time.

FritesMenthe · 10/11/2009 12:38

Am I the only one who thought the thread title was an invitation to post photos of their home? [guilty conscience]

posieparker · 10/11/2009 12:42

I thought this was going to be photos of peoples' untidy houses!!!!

[sorry pedants, no idea about the apostrophe)

HeadFairy · 10/11/2009 12:43

Terrible at remembering all your children's names? Just call them all the same name to save the hassle. While you're at it, make sure you have them all delivered by el cs on the same day (regardless of elapsed gestation) so you never have to remember another birthday again!

displayuntilbestbefore · 10/11/2009 12:44

purposefully don't bother wearing a bra so you can be comfy round the house with your ill dcs and then when someone comes to the door you can go bright red as you chat to them and it dawns on you that your bazoongas are somewhere near your waist

AppleyDapply · 10/11/2009 12:47

Save wear and tear on door hinges by only opening doors a little bit and then squeezing through the gap.

Stayingsunnygirl · 10/11/2009 12:48

When in hospital having had your first baby, don't change out of the t-shirt you gave birth in. That way, when your church minister comes to visit, he can find you feeding the baby, with the t-shirt hiked up to your shoulders, and pretty much nekkid from the waist down.

Bless him - either he didn't notice, or he put on such a good act of not noticing, that I didn't notice until after he had gone - and then I was covered in mortification (and not much else).

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