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Mumsnet shit tips of the day - come add yours

252 replies

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 09:14

Have your children delivered by caesarian on 29th February to save on children's birthday parties later on.

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Stayingsunnygirl · 09/11/2009 11:46

If it is cold or wet, and you don't fancy putting the dustbin out, just tip it out on your teenage son's floor - he'll never notice, or if he does, he'll think you've tidied up for him!!

ilovemydogandmrobama · 09/11/2009 11:55

Tape microfibre cloths over dog paws/tail. Gets the floor clean with added entertainment value

GentleOtter · 09/11/2009 12:21

Stop potential sweary visitors by spraying their eyes with Febreeze on the doorstep. Anyone who says stronger than gosh does not get in.

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 21:53

You guys did me proud!

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whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 21:55

Given birth to twins - fashion an easy bouncy seat for them by popping each baby into the leg of a pair of tights and suspending them from a cuphook in the ceiling.

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PacificDogwood · 09/11/2009 21:56

Put toddler into bath ca. 30min after dinner and you'll save a nappy....

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 21:58

Wicker cat baskets make an eco friendly alternative to playpens and are easily transportable. You don't even have to remove the child!

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whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 21:59

Insist elderly relatives and children under three sit in an empty paddling pool at christmas to avoid excitement-related lapses in continence ruining your shag pile.

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SixtyFootDoll · 09/11/2009 22:01

TEll relatives not to buy your children any presents - that way you dont have to waste precious time writing thank you letters

groundhogs · 09/11/2009 22:02

WMMC: Thanks for starting this thread off! it's brilliant, Bloody BRILLIANT!

We really needed this!

AnyFuleKno · 09/11/2009 22:03

Bored with the decor in your house? simply forget to put an eyeliner pencil away in the location over six feet high where all make up, pencils and pens must live. Your creative dcs will let loose their inner jackson pollock. This will also give you an excuse to buy a cheap rimmel eyeliner now that the pricey dior one you could no longer afford to buy is ruined.

LazyJourno · 09/11/2009 22:03

Join Mumsnet. It makes doing all your research much more comfortable as can be done from home, with cup of tea and a .

Simply start a right-wing thread... possibly in AIBU and hey-presto that pesky column for the DM is writing itself!

AnyFuleKno · 09/11/2009 22:04

A pair of your greyest most worn out saggy knickers makes a lovely hat for a two year old when you have unexpected visitors.

fruitshootsandheaves · 09/11/2009 22:06

Send all your relatives a card at Christmas with this message

Thank you for all the presents you may or may not send us next year
Happy New Year
Happy Easter
Happy Anniversary
Happy Mothers/Fathers/Valentines Day
Happy Birthday
Good Luck in any new job you may get
Good Luck in your new house should you move

you can be assured you wont forget an event for anyone

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 22:06

Having trouble not spilling wine when pissed at family parties? Never be too grown up to use a sippy cup. No more carpet stains!

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LazyJourno · 09/11/2009 22:07

Browse the style section for ideas for a "Boden-themed" article!

Tidey · 09/11/2009 22:07

Never allow a toddler within reach of baby powder and a goldfish bowl. Just...don't.

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 22:08

Got too many nephews and nieces to buy for this christmas, why not treat their father to a vasectomy? If everyone chips in you might even run to a crack and sack as well. Festive!

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BalloonSlayer · 09/11/2009 22:09

Write a letter to the school's headteacher the day your DC starts reception demanding that they are put on the Gifted and Talented Register immediately ("You don't have one? And why not?") and also that they are given the part of Mary/Joseph/Angel Gabriel [delete as applicable] in the Nativity play due to their extraordinary and precocious talent.

This will ensure that the school staff get all their ridicule and hatred of you out of their system by the end of the first term and have totally forgotten what a pain in the arse you are by Year 6, which is when it really matters.

ChristmasMoon · 09/11/2009 22:11

Don't bother making those time consuming Lego kits just throw a couple of bits straight in the bin and the rest on the floor ready for standing on bare foot when you least expect. Job done.

Tidey · 09/11/2009 22:12

All you men out there. Want to grow a beard or moustache but don't have time? A burnt cork rubbed over your face will give you thedesigner stubble look you're going for.

4andnotout · 09/11/2009 22:13

Dress your children in the Soco paper suits, complete with plastic shoe covers it saves so much time and energy without the needless washing and ironing.

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 22:13

Instead of spending hours erecting your Billy bookcase from Ikea - just lay your books on the box - the brown cardboard is very eco-chic and also absorbent.

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displayuntilbestbefore · 09/11/2009 22:14

cover children's clothes in clingfilm and then when they get dirty, clothes needn't be washed, just peel off the clingfilm and throw away

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 22:14

Ikea allen keys make excellent trainee boomerangs for small children and they are FREE with most purchases.

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