My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

This forum is the home of Mumsnet classic threads.

Mumsnet classics

Mumsnet shit tips of the day - come add yours

252 replies

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 09:14

Have your children delivered by caesarian on 29th February to save on children's birthday parties later on.

OP posts:
Tidey · 09/11/2009 22:15

Accidentally shaved off part of your eyebrow whilst aiming for your armpit? Simply ink the missing part in. Just make sure you don't mistakenly use a blue biro in your sleepy haze.

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 22:15

If your child won't sit still to have sunblock applied, simply pop a bucket on his head.

OP posts:
Tidey · 09/11/2009 22:17

Old toothbrushes stuck into a pot of gravel and fag-ends makes an interesting feature for your front garden.

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 22:21

Tell the folks next door they are free to attend your barbecue now their washing is done by sending friendly smoke signals. Nothing says neighbourly like that hickory stink!

OP posts:
CiderIUpAndSetIFree · 09/11/2009 22:23

lololol at sippy cup tip

And don't waste good money replacing your LO's sippy cups with glasses - just make them carry on using the sippy cups till their teenage years when they can be put to good use again.

PacificDogwood · 09/11/2009 22:24

Colourful crisp packets make for cheerful seasonal decoration in any front garden. And are usually provided free by passing pedestrians.

CitizenPrecious · 09/11/2009 22:25

tired of the morning rush? just take the family's sleeping bags, toothbrushes and a slab of Stella to school at hometime and bed down on the stage in the Big Hall.

(make sure you take an alarm clock, mind- you don't want to wake up in assembly!

Lexilicious · 09/11/2009 22:25

Had a baby recently? Got interfering neighbours? Answer the door to them without pinning up your nursing bra. They'll either take it as a come-on or you'll be shunned for ever.

dilemma456 · 09/11/2009 22:25

Message withdrawn

aristocat · 09/11/2009 22:26

dont buy a fancy ladyshave - use DHs for your fanjo

fruitshootsandheaves · 09/11/2009 22:26

Save the planet
Don't buy a lawnmower. Get 300 guinea pigs instead

Tidey · 09/11/2009 22:27

Do your DC want a pet, but you can't really afford one? Simply walk outside in the dark with bare feet and you are guaranteed to find yourself a lovely slug for them to play with.

BalloonSlayer · 09/11/2009 22:34

Save on hot water by having DCs who choose the moment you decide you need - nay, deserve! - a long hot pampering bath to have a long, drawn-out and stenchtastic bowel movement.

Just as well you didn't light those lovely candles you'd been saving for a special occasion...

StarlightMcKenzie · 09/11/2009 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BalloonSlayer · 09/11/2009 22:39

Re Tidey's post above, alternately encourage your pet-longing DCs to name and cherish their nits.

This also saves you all that tedious combing and conditioning.

Everyone's a winner!

Suggested names:

Itchy
Scratchy
Wiggly
Feelers
Scuttley
Buster
John Prescott

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 09/11/2009 22:44

Tired of asking everyone to turn off lights when they're not in the room? Buy headlamps for every member of your family and remove the bulbs.

(Really like GentleOtter's Guinea-Pig-in-the-Fridge suggestion )

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/11/2009 22:47

Mirrors with a thick layer of dust are FAR more flattering

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/11/2009 22:49

Keep just the lounge, bathroom and route between these two rooms reasonably tidy. When guests appear keep all other doors SHUT. They will think your whole house is THAT tidy.

displayuntilbestbefore · 09/11/2009 22:50

Don't waste time boiling the kettle, simply put a teabag into a mug of cold water and it'll taste just the same as every cup of tea you ever make for yourself

TrillianAstra · 09/11/2009 22:59

Use leftover wine to

There's no such thing as leftover wine.

TidyBush · 09/11/2009 23:00

If DH is going bald just get him to grow a really long beard, cut a hole in the middle and then pull it back over his head with his face poking through

CitizenPrecious · 09/11/2009 23:06

SAHMs. Are you bored of the futility, drudgery and general relentlessness of housework?

join us here on mumsnet and you will never do any again

ever

PeedOffWithNits · 09/11/2009 23:07

encourage role play for DCs - leave your pack of ginormous sanitary towels on the side of the bath and die of embarrasment smile oh so proudly when DS appears in the lounge when the in laws are visiting, covered in towels he has "bandaged himself up in"

drlove8 · 10/11/2009 00:00

fed up with canging your toddlers nappies?
let them eat glitter .... makes nappy time more of a sparkling activity!

drlove8 · 10/11/2009 00:01

changing ! i ment changing!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.