To be heartbroken about a birthday party

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

My DS is having a birthday party at the weekend. He recently turned 12, so just started secondary school. But it’s a special school, and DS’s disability means that developmentally he is still very much in the market for a party in our garden with pass the parcel, musical statues, duck duck goose etc. He’s invited his whole -small- class and is beyond excited. His is the first party invitation I’ve been aware of at his school this year.

So far so good? A lot of his classmates are coming which is wonderful. I wasn’t certain if they would. I think it’s going to be a success. The problem is I just can’t take reading the RSVPs from the other parents any more.

So many of these kids are charmingly, innocently, enormously excited. Reading the invitation daily in anticipation I’m told. Some I hear are very nervous to attend a social thing but utterly determined to see it through. I suspect these reactions are because party invitations are incredibly rare for these kids and I’ve been pushing the thought away as it makes me weepy.

Then today I got a very explicit RSVP- the boy’s mum said he will definitely attend and wants to bring a big present as it’s his first ever party invitation- at the age of 12. I’ve been sobbing every time I read it.

AIBU to be heartbroken that a child can get to secondary school without receiving a single invitation ever? How is that possible? I know the answer of course- it’s discrimination, ignorance, fear. A taste of the exclusion they can expect their whole lives. It’s a crying shame. I wish I knew what to do to help other than keep encouraging my DS to be friendly. I hope, I hope, my party planning is up to the task and they have the time of their lives.

Aw I hope your son and his friends have a wonderful time at the party. You’re right.

Have a wonderful time, OP. I know the kids will.

Suger, posted too soon. You’re right, it’s sad that this is the first time some of the children will get to experience a party. I hope there’s many more opportunities for them in the future.

Oh that's heartbreaking. Sounds like the kids will be delighted with games, food and just being together out of school! I'd be laying on a special spread for the parents and giving them a lovely time as well

Aww, that's so lovely and also heartbreaking at the same time. How wonderful for all those children to be so excited about your son's party though. I hope he has a lovely time with his friends.

I hope it all goes well and the weather holds out for you.

How lovely & very sweet. Will be very special for them all. They'll all have a fantastic & memorable time. Please let us know how it goes.💐

Your son and his friends will have an awesome time

Not the thread I was expecting!

Very happy to be surprised, please let us know how it goes, I’m sure they will love it.

OP. This party is going to be wonderful. It’ll be chaotic with all the excitement and someone’s bound to get overwhelmed so make sure there’s a chill out / quiet hiatus between activities where they can just sit under a tree or kick a ball about with a handful of iced gems or something- I speak from experience ! It’s so sad that these kids haven’t been to as many parties as their NT counterparts but take comfort in that they now have each other and will probably be far more loyal and less arseholey to each other than typical teens in the coming years. I bet you’ll love getting to know all these young characters and hopefully going forward there will be lots more parties and discos and outings for them. Hope your boy has the most amazing day!

it truly is heartbreaking.
your party will be a success, I don't think you can go wrong, enjoy the day!

I hope your boy and his friends have a wonderful party. Maybe it might be the start of regular meet-ups for this group ?

This makes me so sad OP. Hope you all have such a wonderful time.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I hope your DS has the best party with all his friends. Enjoy every minute!

YANBU OP. I hope they all have the BEST time at the party. Happy Birthday to your DS

Oh god now I’m heartbroken too. Hope they all have a wonderful time.

This party sounds wonderful OP!
I hope your son and his friends have the best time with many more to come x

I may have something in my eye... Oh my days op. I hope you both have a fabulous time!

This is emotional but such a nicer story than I was expecting- it sounds like all these kids have now found a lovely group where they can truly belong xxx

Well your post made me cry, OP. I've worked with special needs children and adults all my life and this genuinely does make my chest tight. I hope you have a wonderful party

Legitimately crying. All the best for your boys party. Hope it's special, memorable and everything he wishes for.

I was going to suggest a sensory area but that's a bit silly as I've no idea the specific difficulties these kids are facing. My heart is all squishy. 🎉

I hope they all have a wonderful time ❤️🎂

I was thinking of turning this around into a positive that they have come so far in Their development that they can cope and will enjoy the party.

This comes from another of a child who struggles to understand and cope at birthday parties.

I hope that you all have an amazing time. Just so lovely for everyone involved. Wishing your Son the very happiest of birthdays 🥳🥳 xx

Brought a tear to my eye.

Have a wonderful party.