To be heartbroken about a birthday party

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

My DS is having a birthday party at the weekend. He recently turned 12, so just started secondary school. But it’s a special school, and DS’s disability means that developmentally he is still very much in the market for a party in our garden with pass the parcel, musical statues, duck duck goose etc. He’s invited his whole -small- class and is beyond excited. His is the first party invitation I’ve been aware of at his school this year.

So far so good? A lot of his classmates are coming which is wonderful. I wasn’t certain if they would. I think it’s going to be a success. The problem is I just can’t take reading the RSVPs from the other parents any more.

So many of these kids are charmingly, innocently, enormously excited. Reading the invitation daily in anticipation I’m told. Some I hear are very nervous to attend a social thing but utterly determined to see it through. I suspect these reactions are because party invitations are incredibly rare for these kids and I’ve been pushing the thought away as it makes me weepy.

Then today I got a very explicit RSVP- the boy’s mum said he will definitely attend and wants to bring a big present as it’s his first ever party invitation- at the age of 12. I’ve been sobbing every time I read it.

AIBU to be heartbroken that a child can get to secondary school without receiving a single invitation ever? How is that possible? I know the answer of course- it’s discrimination, ignorance, fear. A taste of the exclusion they can expect their whole lives. It’s a crying shame. I wish I knew what to do to help other than keep encouraging my DS to be friendly. I hope, I hope, my party planning is up to the task and they have the time of their lives.

YANBU, it is heartbreaking. Hope they all have a great time! X

Now you're setting me off sniffs

I hope it goes brilliantly, OP, and all the kids have a wonderful time.

I hope it's a wonderful day for you all ❤️

How lovely, please come back and update us. Hope your son and his friends have the best time xxx 🎉

what a lovely thing to do. Hopefully this might give the other parents the confidence to follow suit. Have a lovely time x

Your post is making me cry too, OP. I hope they all have the best time xx

This is just wonderful OP. So sad that they haven't up to now but you are making it happen. Maybe your DS will inspire some of the others to have parties, too! 🎈🎉

I hope they all have a fantastic time.

All my fingers and toes are crossed hoping for a great time for all.

One of the SN kiddos in my youngest SEN sons class had a party when in mainstream school and out of 30 invited children not one showed up. I've never hugged another mother as hard when she told me that at my DS's party.😭😭😭

@AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman you've got everyone crying! Please update this thread after the party to tell us all how wonderful it was! May it be the greatest! ❤🎂🎁❤

This has broken my heart too. I'm sure they are all going to enjoy themselves, whatever plans you have, they will just enjoy being together and having fun. And hopefully you have paved the way for others in the class to have a party too.
Happy birthday to your wonderful boy!

Phew at first I thought you were going to say that you were heartbroken that no one would attend. Yes its sad a 12 year old gets his first party invite BUT how exciting! How lovely that you get to be a milestone in someone's life. Hope you all have a great time. Id love to hear how it goes

It is sad but I want to come to your sons party so that I can join in with all those amazing children having a fabulous time!!

I hope they all have a lovely time! 🎂🎈🎁

What a beautiful (but also tear jerking) post ❤️ I hope your son and his friends have the BEST day! 🥰

I know this feeling well. My son (13, just completed his second year in a secondary school for moderate to severe learning difficulties after struggling through the entirety of mainstream primary which was wholly unsuited to his needs). He never had a single invitation - not even to whole class parties or parties for ‘all the boys’. Thankfully he didn’t seem to notice - or if he did he really didn’t seem to care - but I was disgusted that the parents of the kids he really thought were his friends would leave him out year after year.
I threw him a party once. Out of the whole class we got six confirmations. Then it turned out another child was having a party on the same day so four of those six pulled out to go to hers. The final two just didn’t turn up. Luckily I have a big family and he has plenty of cousins and other young family members but I think I cried for weeks over that one.

It will be a success OP, a massive success. It just might be the start of a whole round of social occasions for the class.

Have a very happy day x

That is absolutely awful, I'm so sorry people did that. It's so cruel and heartless. 😔

Have a wonderful party and it sounds like lots of those children will really enjoy it. This could be the start of regular parties and lovely memories. Let us all know how it goes and birthday wishes to your son

Hope they all have a lovely time xx I'm crying too xx

I hope it goes brilliantly and your son and his friends have the most wonderful time.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself though - it doesn’t need to be perfect, it’s going to be wonderful whatever xx

How wonderful. It would be lovely if this might prompt a few parents to get together and arrange a Halloween party or Christmas party later in the year.

The unspeakable rudeness too!

It’s going to be the best party ever, lots of happy memories made in one fantastic afternoon. Let us know how it goes and take plenty of photos to share amongst the kids. Sending lots of happy birthday wishes to your son.

This thread hasn’t gone the way I thought……how lovely!! I hope your boy and his friends have the best time !

Please let us know how it goes 🥺xx

Oh my gosh, this is so lovely! I'm hoping both your DS and you have found your tribe!